Question about gender.

queenbone

This is probably totally random, but I was thinking about it the other day.  Do most BMs find out the gender when they are pg?  If they don't feel like they can raise the baby themselves do they still want to know?  Would the gender make a difference?  I know this is totally crazy, but I was just wondering if we would be able to keep it a surprise to us until the baby was born, or if that is stupid and if the BM knows then we should know too.  No reason to complicate her life trying to keep a secret for us! Anyone not know gender before delivery?

crystalpopcorn

Whether she knows or not will likely depend on how much prenatal care she receives.  If you do not want to know the gender ahead of time, make sure you tell your agency or facilitator, so that they don't disclose the gender when they tell you about the match.  We didn't really want to know the gender ahead of time, but our SW told us when she called to notify us that we had been selected.  I don't think we ever told her we wanted it to be a surprise though.

As a side note, we didn't find out DS' gender until birth.  It was very, very fun that way.  I know that many will tell you that it is an equally good surprise regardless of when you find out, but there is just something about having them exclaim "It's a ___!" right at the moment that has to be a little different.

lisanjay

I probably know about 3-4 adoptive parents that didn't find out the gender before birth, mainly because the bmom didn't know. One of my online friends recently adopted a baby girl, and the bmom gave instructions to the hospital staff to not tell her the gender even after birth. She didn't want to know. About 3 weeks after placement the bmom called the agency and asked about the gender.

I think it does play a role with the bmom whether she wants to know the gender or not. I think for some it helps them through the pregnancy to know and I think for others it helps them to sort of disconnect if they don't know.

We knew but it wasn't a big deal. I think in a way because adoption is such a rollercoaster of unknowns it was kind of nice to have this info so we could buy items for the baby and have a gender specific shower etc...

But at the same time if we were not given that info it would have been really neat to hear for the first time "It's a girl!"

queenbone

fredalina:

i've repeatedly heard that there are more boys placed for adoption (even as pre-natal matches) than girls.  It's been postulated that sometimes birthmoms who were raised by single moms feel they can raise a girl the way their mother did, but aren't sure how to raise a little boy if they, too, will be a single mom.  But that's just one theory i've read.  But i think a lot of expectant moms do opt to find out the sex of the baby, and that in some cases it may influence their decision whether or not to parent.

Ah! This is exactly what I was wondering... are we the reverse of someplace like China that is giving away so many of their daughters?

Art Teacher

We didn't know if Zoe was a boy or girl.  Her birthmother didn't find out, but offered to if we really wanted to know.  We said we wouldn't mind being surprised and she seemed happy with that.