I'm irked at SIL....WDYT?

LeoChic

Would you be upset if your SIL had STILL not bothered to stop by or make any attempt to meet her new niece in the 3 weeks since DC's birth?

DH and I are pretty upset with his family over how they've handled visiting us since DD#2's birth.  DH comes from a really big, supposedly close-knit family.  There's been 8 babies born inside of 3 years in DH's family so it's been a little baby crazy but for every baby that was born all of the family eventually made it to the hospital to visit soon after the birth.  When DD#2 was born I didn't have a single visitor in the hospital from DH's family (except for MIL & FIL).  And I had a c-section so I was there for 3 days!  Once we got home we didn't hear from anyone for days.  Then people kind of trickled in little by little but all visits were done with little to no notice.  Some of DH's siblings didn't even met DD#2 until she was about 10 days old. 

At this point everyone has now (finally) met her except for SIL (DH's brother's wife) and their 2 kids.  DH's brother came over unexpectedly, held her for 5 minutes, and then left and when I asked where his wife was he just said she was at home napping (it was 6 PM when he visited).  It seems really strange to me that she hasn't made any attempt to come see this baby especially given how I know she has acted when all the other babies were born.  The whole thing just really hurts my feelings.

MelandJeff

As much as it hurts and sucks, let it go. For one reason or another, it hasnt been a priority to her. Accept that and move on.

sorry, I know it hurts, but not much you can do.

Mickschick

I know that it sucks and you want people to be excited for your new DC. I'm sure that she's just been busy or maybe something personal is going on with them that they don't want to share.

You did say too that your DC is only 3 weeks old and we have had 2 holidays (xmas and new years) in 2 of the past weeks so it's possible that she really HAS been busy.

If I was you I would call her and maybe invite her over for lunch this weekend and see where it goes from there.

pincushions

I would let it go.

My SIL (DH's brother's wife) has never met Emilia. DH's brother has seen Miles 4x in his 4 years of life and his SIL has seen Miles once.

Yet she can find the time to visit her sister in IL 4-5x a year.

DH was sick over this. Him and his brother were so close. Now they barely speak.

sucks.

LeoChic

MelandJeff:

As much as it hurts and sucks, let it go. For one reason or another, it hasnt been a priority to her. Accept that and move on.

sorry, I know it hurts, but not much you can do.

I know there isn't anything I can do and there isn't anything that I really want to do to change it.  It's just one of those things that I know I will have animosity over for years to come which may sound silly and petty but it feels kind of like a mama bear thing.

It upsets me more because of how DH's family is and how they act like "family is everything" and how they are just such a close-knit group.  AND this particular BIL and his wife are the two people who are completely stuck up MIL and FIL's butt and say it's because family is so important to them, etc.  But then this seems so contradictory to how they act like they want to live their life.  That's part of what makes it so frustrating for me.

Kapalua

DD is almost 9 months old and my BIL/SIL have yet to meet her.  So, from my perspective-I guess I'd be thrilled to have the family interaction that you do. 

Now, I think maybe if she went gaga over the other babies and then suddenly went MIA when yours was born...I'd probably wonder what was up.

KoriBrett

Meh.  I got almost no visitors in the hospital this time, and people were more... cautious about visiting.  They knew we were busy & didn't want to bother us.  I had a csection, too. 

People probably figure you're busy.  Just call and invite her for lunch or something.

MelandJeff

LeoChic:

MelandJeff:

As much as it hurts and sucks, let it go. For one reason or another, it hasnt been a priority to her. Accept that and move on.

sorry, I know it hurts, but not much you can do.

I know there isn't anything I can do and there isn't anything that I really want to do to change it.  It's just one of those things that I know I will have animosity over for years to come which may sound silly and petty but it feels kind of like a mama bear thing.

It upsets me more because of how DH's family is and how they act like "family is everything" and how they are just such a close-knit group.  AND this particular BIL and his wife are the two people who are completely stuck up MIL and FIL's butt and say it's because family is so important to them, etc.  But then this seems so contradictory to how they act like they want to live their life.  That's part of what makes it so frustrating for me.

I know. I went through the same thing with Ian. I had to make myself get over it or it would have consumed me.

Maybe you could bring it up casually and see what she says?

LeoChic

Kapalua:

Now, I think maybe if she went gaga over the other babies and then suddenly went MIA when yours was born...I'd probably wonder what was up.

THIS!!!  This is what is going on EXACTLY.  And this is why it bothers me so much!

It also hurts because I know what they've been doing during this time because MIL has been over visiting and talks about what they have been up to.  I hear stories about how they went shopping and I just think in the back of my mind that "they could go shopping but couldn't stop over for 10 minutes to meet DC?!?"

I mean, SIL and I aren't necessarily close but we also aren't hateful towards each other so it makes no sense to me why she has gone completely MIA.  We even invited them over and they cancelled on us and haven't bothered to work out another time to come over.

I'm sure I'll get over it in due time but like I said, it will be one of those things that I will always remember in the back of my head.....

Rebekah1021

Mickschick:

I know that it sucks and you want people to be excited for your new DC. I'm sure that she's just been busy or maybe something personal is going on with them that they don't want to share.

You did say too that your DC is only 3 weeks old and we have had 2 holidays (xmas and new years) in 2 of the past weeks so it's possible that she really HAS been busy.

If I was you I would call her and maybe invite her over for lunch this weekend and see where it goes from there.

I was thinking this too. Or maybe she was sick or her kids were sick and didn't want to pass the germs.

hopefulmom

There could be several reasons she's been MIA.  Maybe she's not feeling well (virus...or something else she isn't sharing).  Maybe she's just been busy with the holidays.  Maybe she doesn't want to be around a brand new baby during this cold/flu season.  I wouldn't worry about it.  Your DH's brother stopped by and for me that would have been enough.  My family doesn't get into babies much.  When I had my first two kids I only got like 3 visitors (my parents, my sister and that's it!).  My SIL's did not come (2 of them).  For the other two I didn't even live close so didn't have many visitors either...a couple of friends and my older kids.

npeacock

I know how you feel. My SIL didn't come to the hospital either, and it took a month for her to come by to visit.

I just know now that is how she operates, and I try to let it go.

lilpiglet

I have learned to let it go.  With DS#1 we figured no one from DH's side came to visit because we lived in an apartment and it was cramped, we thought once we built the house people woudl come more often.. nope they didn't.  DH's parents saw DS#1 maybe 15 times in two years.  Then DS#2 came, we def. figured they'd come more often now being again we are in our house, not tight living, ect. ect.  NOPE... DS#2 is almost 8 months and has seen his grandparents maybe 6 times, his immidiate aunts and uncles 3 times and they were holidays and none of the rest of DH's family has met him OR seen pictures.  I figure if they can't come meet him then they don't need a picture either.

mauceddie

hopefulmom:

There could be several reasons she's been MIA.  Maybe she's not feeling well (virus...or something else she isn't sharing).  Maybe she's just been busy with the holidays.  Maybe she doesn't want to be around a brand new baby during this cold/flu season. 

Maybe she had a miscarriage?

Who knows. That sucks - sorry.

WBs_Bride

I know I'm coming in completely late, but I totally know how you feel and can relate. My SIL (brother's wife) never even acknowledged I had DD#2 when I did. Never called, never visited, never sent a friggin' card. In the hospital or out. It even took my brother 2 MONTHS to come visit. Seriously. DD was turning 8 weeks old after that weekend and I thought to myself if he doesn't come by the time she's 8 weeks, I'm never speaking to them again.  I was so livid and I still hold a grudge. Silently. DD will be 2 the end of this month.