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Parenting
Prefer not to have pets in house...advice!
OK...I totally know this could go both ways there are those that are dog lovers and those that are not....here goes.
My DH grew up with a dog in his house. I did not. I grew up that animals (all) were outside and that's how it was. My mom feels this way strongly, obviously where I got it. I cannot stand that they would be on carpet (even if they are sparkling clean, or on furniture, etc. I know not everyone here will agree, it's just how I feel, that's not what I would like to debate. 
Since we've had kids (3 and 9 month now) my DH has changed to feel strongly he doesn't like a dog in the house running around with (especially the 9 month old), mostly for safety reasons on his part--he just doesn't feel like we should have to constantly watch out for our baby's safety in our own house. (Granted ANY where we go...we adapt to what is going on in a house, we have NEVER asked anyone at anybody's house to kennel a dog..) At our house, we prefer to not have animals. I don't like a dog on my carpet (could adapt to have it in a circle cage in the kitchen for esp. the in-laws)---but I cannot stand my baby crawling around with kids toys and dog toys. I KNOW there are many people out there that live like that...which is absolutely fine. It just bothers me. Not to mention the fact that you are constantly watching the dog and baby to make sure the baby doesn't pull the dog's hair out, and the dog doesn't get ticked at the baby. In our house, the baby should be able to play freely. We have seen this dog snarl and growl a big handful of times when ticked and around the baby. They have used a bark coller and always talk about using it but never use it. They think the dog is an "angel" around the baby.
DH's parents have an in house bishon. It is their pride and joy, and absolutely perfect in their eyes. Which I know is how a lot of people feel about their dog. (Got it about 4 years ago.) They live 4 hours away. They have brought the dog before a couple times awhile ago. We dealt with it, we hated it, and we tryed to keep our mouths shut. It came up in conversation a couple times and DH explained how we both feel. THat we prefer not to have a dog in the house, DH more so for it being around the baby, and me more so because that's just how I grew up. We told them, that obviously if it wasn't a big deal to us, we would keep our mouths shut. But obviously, it's that big of a deal. On the last occasion DH's dad texted him and asked if he could bring it and DH said "we prefer not." ANd that was the end of it. They didn't ask any questions, and dog never came.
We just took a 5 day trip to Mexico without kids. My parents spent the first 3 days at our house, his the last 3 watching the kids. We are ever so grateful for all their help and told them that many times. When we got home from Mexico last night, there dog was here too, with them. We couldn't believe it. We had just assumed, because they hadn't asked, that it didn't come. We both took a deep breath, and we going to just get over (even though we were both SO irritated, but obviously didn't want to hurt them, after they had just watched our kids for 3 days.) But after about an hour, and the dog being around the baby with no one watching it but us, and the dog climbing into the baby's toy basket and my baby picking up the dog bone three times (and our baby's teetching.)==my DH finally said something. His biggest thing he said was that we are upset there was "no communication about the dog coming, when they clearly know what we prefer." I totally agreed on that. If there was a conversation prior to, instead of us coming home and seeing that a dog had been in our house for 3 days and we didn't know...we were offended. We were very grown up and just talked to them (More his mom) but didn't go well. His mom burst into tears and left crying. One comment she made was "Well, I just feel like I won't get to babysit the grandkids because we have a dog." So she obviously knew if they mentioned it before ....she thinks we may have said we'd rather not have the babysit. My DH and I said we could have both come to a happy medium..maybe they could (or we could buy) one of those circle gates and keep it in the kitchen (too cold right now for garage)...Granted we have a small house, but we can negotiate here and work something out.
They left, she got home late and called me to talk about "one last thing about the baby" and DH said this was her way of wanting to talk, so I ended up talking further for about 20 minutes about it. She's offended that DH (Her son) would think they would put the kids in, what we think is a harmful situtation, and not watch the kids around the dog. I am more just ticked because i HATE dog bones laying with my baby's teething toys, nuk, etc, climbing in my kids toys. I think animals belong outside. I also feel like I should clean the carpet, furniture, toys etc.
We will never ask them to change when we are at their house, but at our own house, we feel like we have the right to speak up. Out of respect for someone elses house, we feel like you should ask before bringing a pet, especially when you know they prefer otherwise.
We would never ask they to kennel their dog. If they choose to, that's their decision. In the past they have left it with relatives for the weekend, who they said were unavailable.
I brought up the circle cage thing, she said they brought the crate, and thats where the dog was most of the time (Lie) because she also told me in the same sentence that the dog played great with the kids. (Even so, I reminded her, that is OUR house, it's just our strong preference to not have the dog on the carpet, etc.) Granted we have a small kitchen and the dog isn't the type that has ever been in a 6 foot by 6 foot circle cage, and would probably bark and jump the whole time. They probably know that. If we have a bigger house, it may solve things, just a little, not sure.
I know we are really anal about this. (Already know that) --call us crazy. Just wondering how anyone else dealt with something like this.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Prefer not to have pets in house...advice!
wow that was WAY too long and I didnt read it all.
I have 2 dogs with various walk thru gates all thru the house. They are a part of my family and they are allowed up on the furniture.
But we do NOT allow MIL to bring her Pom. Mainly because I have 2 big dogs and this is THEIR house & turf. I'm not gonna barricade my dogs in order to protect hers. She doesnt do basic obedience with her dog and doesnt make the dog mind. I really like the dog...he is super sweet and all but it drives me nuts that he's constantly barking and doing whatever he damn well please and my MIL just sitting there letting him do it.
I also feel that you dont just bring your dog without the other person's permission....its not cool just showing up with your dog. I dont care if your dog graduated with top honors in the most advace obedience class ... you just dont bring a dog without asking.
So put your foot down and tell them they can NOT bring their dog. And you will have to remind them every single time. We still have to remind my MIL and she's had the dog now for 3 yrs.
That was way too long, and I only skimmed. But, I agree with you about dogs in the house. They are animals. Its disgusting. People who are used to their dogs in the house have no idea how dirty their house it, and what it smells like. I want to gag everytime I go to my friends house that keep their dogs inside. GROSS.
BUT, yadda yadda yadda - they babysat your kids. You can't really say anything. I would just not allow it to happen again. If they choose the dog over your kids, well then...
they did you a huge favor, you know they had the dog, you should have offered to pay for boarding if you didn't want it at your house.
Also, not everyones home is smelly and dirty because they have a dog!
it's your house and if you do not want dogs in that house, then so be it (and I do see your point). but don't ask them to watch your kids for more than a day, bc that is simply not fair. so if that means you do not go to Mexico, then you do not go to Mexico.
and yes, as a former dog owner (my dog died after being with us for 15 years), houses are dirtier with dogs. My house is so much easier to clean now and it smells so much better and this fact really stops me from getting another dog.
Honestly, what did you think they were going to do, leave the dog alone for 3 days? Or baord the dog at their expense so it would end up costing them money to watch your children? I don't think they really had an option here. .
And I have to say Mattslady...I have 2 dogs and a cat. My house smells far better than some people's homes with no pets. If you know how to clean it isn't an issue.
Overall, I think the issue is over....so let this instance go.
You've (hopefully) made it quite clear to the IL's about your feelings. So, with any luck, the situation won't surface ever again.
If they typically have the dog stay with relatives, how were you to know that wasn't the case this time? And I don't think 3 days is a long time for a relative to watch the dog if it is typical for them to do so for a weekend. So, in regards to the pp's comments about those things.) As for paying to board the dog, sure - at least chip in, but if they never mentioned other options being unavailable, I wouldn't expect you to just offer that (esp. being a non-pet parent).
I am a dog owner, and the dog never goes to anyone's house without their expressed permission. It's just a courtesy. My dad generally isn't eager for the dog to come to his house, but my mom adores the dog. So we generally send the kids to my dad's and the dog to my mom's when we go OOT.
I think it was good to really get your feelings out there, and hopefully you'll never have to deal with it again.
First off, we have a bichon.
They are not good w/ kids and we don't let ours around kids except Jackson and they are ALWAYS supervised together. From that experience, I would be super leery of having someone else's bichon in my house around my kids especially if they think their dog is an angel. Also, you can't keep a bichon in the garage; probably ever. They are inside dogs for a reason as their fur and such is not really equipped to deal with the outside elements.
Secondly they were doing you a favor, so I would get over it most likely and just be clear in the future and offer to pay to board their animal. I think the gate/crate in the kitchen is fine, but would you really trust that they would keep to that? Probably not... I know my bichon would flip hershit non-stop if we had her gated in the kitchen while we were home and she knew it.
I do really think you should just get over it and be clear in the future, but I understand your concerns. Dogs and baby toys mixing doesn't bother me, nor does whatever smell might permeate my house from my bichon but I can 100% see how it would bother someone else.
I agree that her MIL did not have an option and honestly, the OP cannot leave her child with her in-laws for that long and it's simply not fair.
But even though my house was 'clean' with my dog (and I am an uber-cleaner), it was still a lot dirtier with my dog. The carpets stink (now replaced), the hair never really gets picked up, and the smell is the smell of dog -- there's no getting around it. Animals bring a lot to our lives and that's worth it to many. But a super clean house isn't going to happen with a pet. And so what, right? It's just a house and people aren't that clean either!
Look, peeps, I'm not saying you live in filth. I'm sure your house is fine and that you "know how to clean". BUT, if you think your house doesn't smell like animal and that there is not fur and hair and whatever else comes with a dog stuck in your carpet and just about every other crevice in your house - you're wrong. I'm just saying that to a non dog owner it is clear when you walk into a "dog house".
It may just be that I don't notice the dog smell because I literally don't know anyone without pets. Everyone's house smells the same to me.
I think my 13 year old ss's room smells worse than the dogs ever could...teenagers are definitely smelly.
this this this this this
First, I do understand that it is your house and your rules. You don't like animals, then that is ok.
However, in all of YOUR vacation planning, did YOU ever ask what she was going to do with her dog...did it even cross YOUR mind? I mean, if you do not like dogs that much AND you are asking dog people to take time away from their home to watch your kids, it is pretty self absorbed not to even think about how your requests are going to put them out.
And while "your house your rules" apply, your germaphobic stance is running smack against all of the new studies that are PROVING that babies/children who grow up with animals (2 or more is best) have a MARKED reduction in allergies and asthma.
So while I am not trying to get you to rethink your stance, it is not as if they were trying to poison your kids.
This.
I am a dog lover and don't share the same feelings as you (I don't get grossed out by dog toys or my kids touching them, etc...) but I think your in-laws knew how you felt and chose to ignore and do what they wanted. I also think you should have inquired about the dog situation just in case. I would not have been happy if I came home to that either, but I think you have to acknowledge that you should have double checked with them just to be sure the dog had arrangements. Basically, there was a lack of communication but in the end no one was hurt so it's all good. Lesson learned for next time!
I actually agree with mattslady. I am not a dog person. I hate the smell. I hate the slobber. DH and I are both allergic to dogs. We found out DD was over Christmas after spending the day at my aunt's house. She has inside dogs. We've gone there for Christmas every year. This is the first year DD had problems. We ended up taking her to the ER because she couldn't breathe.
The pet smell and dander stays in the house no matter how good you are at cleaning. My sister has two cats. I am about 100x more allergic to cats when I'm pg. She cleaned extensively New Years Eve day. We went over there after dinner. I had to use my inhaler within 10 min of being in her house.
I don't think you're being germaphobic to not want your baby chewing on dog slobbered toys. I would also like to read the actual study being referred to here. I grew up with dogs and cats. I am still mildly allergic to dogs, horribly allergic to cats, and have asthma. I know one case doesn't disprove statistics, but what exactly is a "marked" reduction anyway?
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
mattslady and those that think houses with dogs smell...must have some friends/relatives that just don't have clean houses. We have both a dog and a cat and our house doesn't smell. I've had people over that weren't even aware we had animals. If the dog is bathed regularly they don't smell. When our dog goes out and then comes in we wipe his feet. The cat doesn't smell...just doesn't (they clean themselves!). As for litter...ours is in the basement and is cleaned every day.
As for the article (several I've read) llumine was referring to...it was a few years ago I read it. She is correct. People who have pets in their home are less apt to have pet allergies. My SIL is highly allergic to cats (no problem with dogs since he grew up with them in the house) and he sneezes and has watery eyes if he pets our cat...but he and my DD have 2 cats of their own and he has absolutely NO problem with them. I guess it's like peanut butter (it has been found that exposing allergic children to it...causes them to no longer be allergic!).
As for the orignal poster...from what I read your IL's did try to get the relative or friend watch the dog and they were unable to. Personally I wouldn't do anything at this point since it is already a "done deal". Next time hire someone to watch your kids! Oh...BTW... dogs have cleaner mouths (less bacteria) than your children do...that's a fact! Maybe your IL's should wash their dog toys in case your baby chewed on them. lol