FB dilemma - WWYD?

FutureMrsDenman

On the one hand, this is NONE of my business and I know that.  On the other hand, I feel like I should do something.

I friended a cousin's daughter on FB (they live OOS, but our families are close).  She accepted my request today so I decided to check out her profile.  Her profile indicates that she was born in 1991 - making her no longer a minor (she was born in 1997 and is a minor), and that she is a high school graduate and is in college now.  She is listed as single and looking for a relationship (she is neiher).

Do I:

1)  stay out of it completely - it is probably a good natured joke-ish kind of thing and she probably plays with her profile info for kicks?

2)  just keep an eye on her profile/wall/pics looking for skeevy, sketchy, suspicious activity?

3)  ask my cousin's daughter about her FB profile info?

4)  talk to my cousin about her daughter's FB profile?

eclaires

I'd probably do a combo of 1/2 for now.

If it gets worse, or you notice sketchy comments, then talk to her or her mom.

Honestly, my profile says in my relationship status that "it's complicated" b/c I thought that option was hilarious when I first joined forever ago [and was married at the time].  It doesn't mean anything, doesn't bother my husband and is definitely a joke.

I'd wait until you get a feel for whether the info is her looking for something/being serious or her just thinking it's funny [which is debatable - it doesn't sound that funny].

JOEBunny

Minor = all bets off.  Tell her mommy and daddy and let them deal with it 

If I found out my DD was misrepresenting her age on FB at that age, we would have a come to jesus meeting. 

sarahslost

She's not just a minor, she's basically still a child! 13 this year? So she's very likely only 12. I'd go to the parents on this one. I don't suppose THEY have FB accounts and are friends of hers on there?

MommyofAlissa

Her age is probably wrong because before a certain age, you can't have a FB account. She probably lied so that she could create one. There is a reason they have that age limit and I would alert her parents.

FriskyPanda

So, she's 12, but her profile indicates she is 18?  I'd let the mom know.  I'm surprised the mom hasn't been on her page already to see that sort of thing.

shopgirl_07

She's practically a baby--only 12. I think you need to say something to her mother. Better safe than sorry. Maybe you can send an email to your cousin to catch up and casually mention what you saw on her FB profile. Something like, it's so good to catch up with little Amy but, weird, she says she was born in 1991 and in college, looking for a relationship?

Jelliebean1982

She's 12/13?!  Call the parents.  Now.  That would be a huge breach of trust and if I were her parents I'd take away computer privileges for a loooong time.  It's not ok for a little kid like that to try and be hooking up with college guys. 

FutureMrsDenman

I've just scrolled through a couple pages of her wall, looked at her pics, and scanned through her close to 400 friends and nothing looks "off" really - a few college age and high school (assuming they also aren't lying) friends, but noone that stands out as bring a "problem" person.  The posts on her wall were pretty innocent.  I'm kind of thinking along the lines of Eclaires, but JOEBunny ... you've hit on exactly my problem ... I am kind of a all bets are off with minors kind of person usually. 

The "come to Jesus meeting" comment has me LMAO.  She is Lutheran, her family is quite religious, and she is attending a Lutheran School.  You never know whether that means she is more likely to rebel or not ...

Her mother is NOT computer savvy and isn't on FB herself (barely e-mails).  Her Mom also just had her 4th child.  Could be she wants attention (she is the oldest) and knows her Mom won't find out about anything on FB?  I don't know.

Thanks for your opinions!  

FutureMrsDenman

Oops ... several posts came in while I was typing my reply.

I thought about the age thing being related to some FB rule about having to be a ertain ag, but I wasn't sure if that existed or not.  What gets me is if she lied to get the FB account, all she'd have to lie about was her birthday ... but she also has high school and college information listed with dates ... and she wouldn't have to include that to gt an account. 

I think I will sleep on it tonight and scroll through her wall again tomorrow before making the call.  As I said in my reply above ... her parents aren't computer savvy and her Mom rearely if ever uses the e-mail account she has.  Now that she has her 4th kiddo I'm sure she is on the computer even less.  It looks lik a lot of the girl's posts are made from a phone.  Grrrr.  I know they won't want to take that away because she is super active in sports, cheering, etc. and always needs rides, etc.

JOEBunny

4.  really, I would want to know if my underage child was indicating she was of age.  I never lied about my age and still had many men after me before I was of age.  Fortunately, most were nice, but not all.

eclaires

I do agree her age is concerning - I didn't really do the math on her actual age before I responded, just that she was claiming to be older.

I still think I'd just keep an eye on it for a few days.  For one thing, she clearly thinks she has nothing to hide by accepting your friend request and not giving you a "limited profile."  You might find out or be privy to more information this way if you do decide to approach her mother.

I had a similar situation several years ago when a cousin was 13-14 and on myspace - I eventually did tell my aunt/uncle about it, but sometimes I wish I had just continued monitoring it since they are so internet stupid.  Me telling them did nothing to protect my cousin, she just de-friended me.  None of it was awful but still... I wish I could have still kept an eye on her profile.  I did the opposite with another cousin, and I feel much better about just checking in on her profile now and again over telling her non-internet savvy parents on her.

Lisa102304

I would monitor it for a few days until you get a better feel for it. Yes, I think Mom and Dad need to know - as a minor, all bets ARE off ... but my worry would be that she will defriend you and then you have no clue what is going on. AT least this way, you can "observe" any weird activity.

FutureMrsDenman

I think you're right about it being better to have the ability to check up on her than to have her defriend me - especially since her parents aren't computer or internet savvy.  The fact that it took her a month to accept my request might mean she was giving it some thought ... I'm glad she finally accepted it though!

Ciarrai

I'm pretty sure FB won't let you have a profile until you're a certain age.  I might mention it to your cousins but not too much.  Sounds like it might be better just to keep an eye on her.  My niece just turned 13 in November and is listed as 18 or 19 or something on FB.  Since her mom (SIL), grandmother (my dad's ex-wife), my parents, myself, my husband, my brothers, her uncles on the other side, etc. are all "friends" on FB, I assumed her mom and/or my brother were aware and ok with the age thing.  Almost all of her friends that aren't family look about her age and she's a big tennis player so I know my brother knows most of the older ones through tennis (he's her coach as well as her step-dad).  Either way, I figured the age thing just was because FB requires you're a certain age before you can have a profile.  I know my brother wouldn't let her have a profile until about 6 months ago (or less) so I know they watch it and are careful.