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I feel guilty for feeling better..

loveforlife2009loveforlife2009
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

First of all i'm sorry any of us have to be here. I totally understand that we all handle it in our own ways.. However sometimes i feel so guilty for not feeling worse then i do. I suppose I'm asking for opinions.. and you can be totally honest and tell me what you think.. also if anyone else feels the way that i do?

When I got pregnant my husband and I were the happiest we have ever been. We were so in love with this little person.. A week before i miscarried, one of my best friends passed away... and that hurt a lot. More then i ever hurt before. The day of the funeral i had the miscarriage. We ended up in the ER that night and it all feels like a blur. I didn't want to talk about it for a while.. but after about a week or so i felt better. Don't get me wrong i still think about it all the time and find myself in tears from time to time especially in church, but if feels like i dont feel as sad as most people do because i keep thinking about the future and trying again. You know what i mean?

My friend had died and his wife is a very good friend of mine as well and all i keep thinking is how grateful i should be for having my husband and lately every minute we spend together i just cherish it so very much that it's made me think a lot more positive.. If i would lose him i do not know what i would do.. and i do not want to imagine what she is going through. I think about him and her all the time and sometimes i cry for him and not for the baby.

But this makes me feel guilty sometimes that i feel so much better so fast.. you know?

sorry.. i'm just blabbering like an idiot :) my morning thoughts..  

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Re: I feel guilty for feeling better..

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    JennyTomJennyTom

    Healing is not an all or nothing thing.  Some days you will feel better and some days worse.. and it's all okay.

    My grief counselor explained it to me like this.. Healing isn't like going up a ladder where you feel keep going up and never back down.  It's like a stock chart, where there are lots of ups and downs but all going in an upward trajectory.  Make sense? 

    So glad you are feeling better.  Be thankful for that and hang onto it!

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    RunSchwartzRunRunSchwartzRun
    My bfp and m/c were on almost the exact dates as yours and I am starting to feel better now too.  I found Christmas to be really healing, thinking about what I do have to be grateful for.  With the other loss you experienced mixed in, and what sounds like a healthy dose of perspective, I think your feelings are completely understandable even if not everyone would be feeling exactly the same way.  I know it is easier said than done, but be kind to yourself.  It is ok to heal.
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    MommaRed83MommaRed83 member

    I understand to an extent what you are saying and going through. The MC in August happened right after my husband left me for OW. I was/am so consumed in grief of losing him and the twins in April that I don't feel like I ever mourned or cried for that baby. I know that it is different than your situation. But I understand the guilt aspect. Even though I am consumed by guilt sometimes I don't think that we should feel guilty. It doesn't mean that we don't love them. It doesn't mean that we don't think about them.

    You are in my thoughts!

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