WTF people, really?!?!

ihearteddieboo

Let me preface this by saying that I am very selective about my Facebook friends.  Just as discussed earlier today, if we weren't friends in HS we are not going to be friends on FB.  What I mean by that is, the people who are my FB friends are mostly family and friends that I've known for quite some time, you know, people who won't pounce on you for making a comment and who know that you wouldn't say something if it's not how you truly feel.

So fast forward to today.  I post a status update that I had a crappy 2009 and am ready for 2010.  I was just bombarded with posts from my DH's family saying things like, "what are you talking about, you passed the bar exam this year," "you became an aunt again," "my babies were born in 2009," "what do you mean, so and so had a baby, so how could 2009 be crappy?"  Now, they do not know about my m/c but can't a girl have a bad f*cking year without having to explain herself?? AND, except for passing the bar exam (which I busted my a$$ studying for and is not something I want to remember having to do b/c it was so hard), those things happened to OTHER people, not to me, I was indirectly effected by other people having babies.  2009 was a great year for babies, just not mine.  

Please tell me if I'm being dumb, it's okay.  I think I need to forget all about FB for a while.  Ugh!!!  

sweetbossom83

no you are right.. they did not happen to you! lovely family.. I am sure they were "trying" to be helpful... you might tell them about the m/c??

sarahandeddiejune212008

You are allowed to say it was a crappy year without explaining yourself.

denise_m

I'm kinda torn.

 

On one side, I say screw them, they have no idea what 2009 has been like for you and their comments are insensitive.

 

On the other hand, they don't know that you've had a crappy year.  And had you of not had the m/c that they don't know about would you still say this was a crappy year?

 

So, I guess the question is, are their comments coming from a place of concern and support or from a place of judgment assuming that you are ungrateful?

ihearteddieboo

I know it's irrational b/c they don't know about the m/c, but I don't think I should have to explain myself when I say I'm having a bad day/week/year. Had one of them posted this, I would have said, oh so sorry, hope 2010 is better for you. I just feel as if they are trying to beat it into my head that it was a good year for all those reasons -- reasons that didn't really have anything to do with me.  They know that we have been TTC since May, so I just thought that maybe they would think my crappy year had something to do with that and leave it alone.  Especially since one of the cousins had trouble TTC too and had IVF this year. 

And, yes, it would have been a wonderful year had I not m/c.  I mean, I did pass the bar exam, I do have a great job, I have a great husband, there were some really great things that happened.  But my m/c is so recent that it is hard for me to see the good when the bad is so fresh.

Their concern is coming from a good place, I know that.  But I just want to be able to say that I had a bad year without hearing how great it was for other people.  

Heidisean

I would have to say that if you said "you had a crappy year" on facebook then people would post to ask why? I would....I figure you were posting so people would ask you since you are letting everyone know that it was crappy.

ihearteddieboo

Heidisean:

I would have to say that if you said "you had a crappy year" on facebook then people would post to ask why? I would....I figure you were posting so people would ask you since you are letting everyone know that it was crappy.

And here's the thing, no one asked me "why" they just went into these debates about how I was wrong to think that b/c it was so good because babies were born, bar exam, etc.  I know they were trying to make me feel better and see the glass as half full, but it's just difficult for me to do that now, you know?

denise_m

Believe me, I totally understand it.  And it sucks when you know that people are trying to hep and it just isn't because they don't get it.

 

And they should have asked why and shown concern instead of trying to beat into your head that because the rest of the family had a good year you automatically did too.

sinisterkat01

Ugh, I am sorry, but I agree with you and think that those posts were just assanine!  Um, yes, someone may have a sh!tty year despite the fact that a baby was born somewhere.  How insensitive.

ihearteddieboo

Thanks for your thoughts everyone!  I am usually a very rational person.  I usually can see both sides of every story and understand where people are coming from when they don't agree with me, BUT my m/c has turned me into a very irrational, one-sided, bitter person.  I don't like that I feel this way, but right now, I just can't shut it off.  Like I said, I think I'll be abstaining from FB for a while.