Does anyone else hide TTC from family?

sherd

This might sound a little off to some people but my family knew that we were TTC when both our pregnancies happened but I am trying to hide it from my family now. When we are asked if we are trying again, I will simply say "Ya, at some point." For some reason I feel like I have to hold strong when in front of my family and show no emotion, even after both of our losses. I wouldn't cry, show, or even talk about my emotions with anyone but my DH. So to anyone else it would alomst appear that I was acting like nothing had ever happened. After our first loss, we had to tell EVERYONE that we were no longer expecting, which was painful. When we found out we were pregnant the second time I told DH that we weren't going to tell family until we got the all clear from the DR on my hCG levels. When we got the clear on them, we told family and no one else. I didn't want to say anything for a little while because I wanted to avoid having to say something in case it happened again.

I remember having breakfast with DH, his mother, sister, and our niece at a restraunt. Our waiter walked up and it was an old HS friend of mine whom I havent' seen in a while. We did the whole "catching up" talk for a couple minutes. Out of the blue his mother yells "Aren't you going to tell her?" I am sure I went white. I didn't want to say anything to anyone but family and both DH and MIL knew that. I am guessing she just airbrained it and decided that it was something that she needed to know. Anyways, after a long stare in my direction, I told her that we were expecting. She said congrats, we ate, and left. About 2 months after our mc we were back at the same restraunt and ironically got the same HS friend of mine. Of course she made the comment "You look great for being pregnant!" On which I had to tell here that I wasn't anymore.

 Recently my mother decided to reunite with some family members that we haven't spoken to in years, and to be quite honest, I myself don't really care to have much to do with. A couple of days ago she asked me how much she could tell her about me. I simply replied "None." Of course she got upset with me and said that it was family and she should know. My reply was that as far I was concerned it would be like her going up to a complete stranger and saying "Sarah, oh ya, her and Aaron have been trying to have a baby for a while now but they are having problems. She had a EP in February and a MC in August, but don't worry they are trying again." Why tell someone if they didn't know in the first place? That is our personal business. Of course after talkin my mother agreed to keep it to herself and not say anything, but in a way I couldn't believe that she had asked in the first place.

 Lastly, DH and I went to buy a BBT last night because I had decided to start charting. After we had bought it we were supposed to stop by my mothers house and pick something up. When we got there, she ran out to the car to give it to us and asked what we had been up to. My DH quickly stated that I had to go out and buy a new thermometer. As quickly as I could, I turned around and glared at him letting him know to keep his mouth shut. I then had to convince my mom that we needed a new thermometer becuase DH hasn't been feeling well and I think our old thermometer is broken because the temps it gives are way off. Is it wrong that I don't want them to know?

 

I know that was a bunch of meaningless ramble but I was curious, is anyone else in the same boat or have some of the same experiences. I guess I just can't handle the chances of getting KU again, loosing it, and having to tell the whole world what happend or deal with the pitty. I have now decided that if and when we get KU again, we won't be telling anyone for a VERY LONG TIME!

Mrs.Kristen

We are keeping it from people because they think we are nuts...some of his family knows i don't want to wait but that is as far as that goes. I just rather not have to explain why i don't want to wait a year to ttc again to people so my automatic response is we are waiting a while.

rjl07

I recently told my dad about the c/p from June because I was telling him all about the RE appointments and the IUI.  We haven't mentioned anything to DH's family since the m/c in February.  Well, I haven't at least, DH might have, but I doubt it.  I haven't told any extended family about any of it.  I'm sure most of them assume we are TTC, but luckily they mind their own business and don't ask questions.

sarahandeddiejune212008

My family knows we are ttc, but I am very close with my family and they keep their mouths shut.  They mostly know because my RE is in my hometown and we always stop by when we are there.  DH is also "borrowing" their house to produce his sample for our IUI this week (I know its really weird, but its either there or the doctor's office) so they had to know what was going on.

On the other hand, we are not telling his family until we are at least 4 months pg, and it'll be longer if we can hide it.  They told everyone we were pg as soon as we told them.  And they weren't really excited about it either, so we figure they don't need to know until we can't hide it anymore.  My SIL also got pg right after us on purpose because she couldn't handle not being the center of attention and she can't even afford the one kid she has.

I totally understand about wanting to keep ttc quiet.  Its too hard when it takes awhile to get pg or something goes wrong.

Sonadora

We never told anyone we were TTC in the first place. Our pg was a shock of all shock to our parents (the only people we told).

I'm sure they figure we'll try again eventually but we certainly will not be discussing it with anyone.

And if there's a next time I'll be well into 2nd tri before I tell anyone. I cannot bear having to offer support to anyone else if something happened again. I can barely support myself some days. 

3ltlones

My family does not know that we are trying again. They told me when I lost Zoe(and was in the hospital) that I better not do this to myself again.  Awesome support. So, when we found out we were pregnant with twins in August we didn't tell them.  I lost them on my birthday so I just chose not to see them that day, they still don't know about it and hopefully never will unless it accidentally comes out.

denise_m

We are keeping it to ourselves.  Except for my bff.  I don't want judgment or questions or "why not be happy with what you have" from anyone.  I will seriously kick them in the crotch.

nmcrmc

We are keeping it to ourselves as well. Our parents went and told EVERYONE straight away when I found out I was pregnant, and both times I had a miscarriage. It made for a few very sad and awkward moments when people would comment on me being pregnant and I wasn't anymore. I refuse to tell anyone until I am at least 3-4 months next time.

hutch0830

My mom knows we are trying, only because I told her about our loss yesterday. At least I would assume that she would know. We're not telling anyone else at all! It's just too hard to have sympathy from that many people-if that makes sense.