Is this inappropriate?

MrsRebecca

I think I may have posted about DH's step mom before, but here is some brief background info: his dad is deceased, DH and I are not close with his step-mom, she doesn't call us often, we don't call her.

DH has decided that we will take the baby to visit her this summer (she's about a two hour drive away) but he does not want him to call her any variation of grandma. 

He will be taught that she is just "Maggie." I know it would be different if his dad was alive.  I always let DH lead the way on how we handle SMIL, what we tell her, etc. so I'm going with it.

Do you think it's rude?  I really don't think the baby will see her often...

ELPB

I think you do whatever you're both comfortable with. I feel like grandma-names are reserved for people that you consider grandmotherly- if DH was never close enough to SM to consider her a grandmother to his child, Maggie seems fine to me.

mrs_sisco

I don't think it is rude at all...I would actually find it strange to call his deceased dad's wife "grandma". "Grandma" is your DH's mother.

bjmyangel

I wouldn't feel bad about it.  I probably wouldn't even make the drive to take the baby to see her.

RadicalDreamer143

If you aren't close, I think it's fine.  I call my stepfather by his first name, but the only reason he will probably be some version of grandpa is because he's married to my mother, who is alive, and I speak to him fairly often.

jrisa85

I don't think it's rude... Maggie sounds fine for a SMIL... plus Maggie might get turned into a cute name of it's own through a babys mouth ... idk... she might like it

soon2bemrsmarr

My mom is deceased and my father remarried, I do not get along at all with his new wife, she always refers to our son as her grandson and I correct her all the time that she is Lynda, not grandma, my son(s) have only two grandmothers, DH's and my mom even though she is not around I will make sure my boys are aware of who she is.  So I do not think it is rude, I think calling her by her name is totally acceptable.

jmrussell03

I think you are fine. Step-mom's don't get called mom so step-grandmas shouldn't be called grandma.

mrsain1105

My step-mom is just Linda.  To me and DD.  So, no, I don't think its rude at all. 

madameprimm

I think "Miss Maggie" or some other easy to say nickname would be less rude. Though I was raised in a very traditional Southern family, and we don't ever refer to our elders by their first names.

EvilBunny17

I don't think it is rude.

 I am a step-mom and if I was in the same situation as she is I don't think I would be offended, I would just be glad to be able to be a part of the baby's life

MrsRebecca

Thanks everyone. Even though we're not close with her (and things would be different if his dad was alive) I still want to make sure we're not being rude or anything.

His dad married her when he was 8 (he is 33 now) so she's been in his life a long time and I feel like we should respect that.

Although...he's never liked her, LOL

 

NELCORP

jmrussell03:

I think you are fine. Step-mom's don't get called mom so step-grandmas shouldn't be called grandma.

Not always true. I'm a step-mom and my step-son calls me mama. Also, my DH step-mom is called Grandma Pat by his son and will be by our son.

But in the pp case, I see it's fitting for SMIL to be addressed by her name only.

jmrussell03

NELCORP:

jmrussell03:

I think you are fine. Step-mom's don't get called mom so step-grandmas shouldn't be called grandma.

Not always true. I'm a step-mom and my step-son calls me mama. Also, my DH step-mom is called Grandma Pat by his son and will be by our son.

But in the pp case, I see it's fitting for SMIL to be addressed by her name only.

How does the BM feel about you being called Mama? I am a step mom and would never think to ask her to call me mom. I love her like she was my own and have known her since she was a month old, but you only have one mom.

NELCORP

Ofcourse, she doesn't like it. But I didn't make my SS call me mom. He asked to call me mom. If he wanted to, I didn't want to say no. It was actually an adjustment for me. Also, my SS, BM is re-married and he calls his Step-Dad, Dad as well. So normally when my SS is talking to DH and I, he refers to his BM or his SD as "my other mom or "my other dad". It works for us.

 

MrsRebecca

NELCORP:

jmrussell03:

I think you are fine. Step-mom's don't get called mom so step-grandmas shouldn't be called grandma.

Not always true. I'm a step-mom and my step-son calls me mama. Also, my DH step-mom is called Grandma Pat by his son and will be by our son.

But in the pp case, I see it's fitting for SMIL to be addressed by her name only.

I agree with you. My mom has been in my oldest sister's life since she was 5. She calls both my mom and her mom "mom." My niece also calls my mom grandma.

I think it just depends on the relationship you have with your step-parent.

jmrussell03

NELCORP:

Ofcourse, she doesn't like it. But I didn't make my SS call me mom. He asked to call me mom. If he wanted to, I didn't want to say no. It was actually an adjustment for me. Also, my SS, BM is re-married and he calls his Step-Dad, Dad as well. So normally when my SS is talking to DH and I, he refers to his BM or his SD as "my other mom or "my other dad". It works for us.

 

I see. In your situation then it would make sense. It is cool that your SS is so well adjusted. It is amazing how kids are like that.

For OP, if DH didn't call her mom, then I think first name is fine. Or I agree with the Ms Maggie comment.