WHY are 2nd showers tacky?

MotherBucker

Because Emily Post said so?

 It's not like the mom is throwing it, or asking someone to throw her one (well, if she is, to me that's tacky). If a friend(s) want to do that for her, how is that tacky?

I guess I'm using the thought that all babies should be celebrated. Not that I think they have to be celebrated with lots of gifts, but it would be nice to have new things for the new baby too.

 

*shrug*

georgia_peachy

I only think it's tacky if the mom is throwing it for herself or begging others to throw it for her.  As stated in the other post I really like GOING to those sorts of parties.  Most of my friends have "meet the baby parties" and we all bring gifts even though it's certainly not required.  It's essentially a shower just after the baby is born.  If your friends want to celebrate your baby I don't know why that's a bad thing.

newlywed26

Second showers aren't tacky at all if they're done right.  In my opinion, as long as the mom isn't throwing it and/or registering for gifts, it's a great idea.  My best-friend wants to throw me a sprinkle with just close family and friends.  There will probably only be like 5 people there.  Fine by me.  I think it's a very cute idea if done tactfully. 

VampyAuthor

That's how I feel. If someone wants to help the mom celebrate and throw her a shower, go for it. I don't see why it's tacky. Everyone has a choice on whether or not to go.

gmugrad9

This is what I was told (so take it with a grain of salt if you want) but a shower is for a first time mommy to shower her with all the things she will need for the baby.  Once you have your baby gear and your mommy gear the mother doesn't need to be showered again.

A shower is to celebrate the mom not so much the baby.

With each baby many people have a welcome baby party which is soley for the purpose of celebrating that baby.

 

Erika6504

I don't know.  It's always kind of tacky to expect a shower and to assume that you'll get all kinds of expensive stuff.  My family doesn't do showers for 2nd babies.

That being said, my SIL is throwing me a "sprinkle" this time around.  If I were having another girl, I might protest a bit, but with a boy on the way, it would be nice to have some clothes and things for the new guy.

I feel a little greedy about it, but as she said, if we only invite close friends and family, they would probably be getting something for the baby anyway.

 

jillijo

I agree that as long as the mom-to-be isn't throwing herself a second shower, it's not a big deal. I'm not having a second shower myself with this baby, but I know my whole family would come if I were having one. They just love to come to get-togethers. I kind of think that if you don't feel comfortable with the idea, just say you have other plans that day and don't go.

jilicious

It's tacky because it is assumed that throughout the course of having the first little one, and through the trials and errors of raising the baby for the first couple of years, the couple will have gotten what they need and will have figured the whole thing out. To later ask for even more at the expense of friends and loved ones is seen as greedy.

caseybuchda

I don't think they are either. My sister has 3 babies (girl, girl, boy in that order). She didn't have a shower for her second one because she still had all her girl stuff, but I threw her a small shower for her baby boy since no one in my family had a boy to give her hand me downs or anything. 3 kids are expensive, I just wanted to help her out a little and your right, people have the choice of whether or not to go.

preppynewlywed

A lot of people do "sip & sees" after the baby is born for a 2nd baby.  People usually bring something small.

I think that is appropriate.

I fall in the category that second showers are tacky.  I actually don't think any sort of shower or sprinkle is okay with a 2nd child.  It is more acceptable to wait until after the baby is born to do something.  

I'm an Emily Post freak though, so take that as you will...

babycrane

I don't think they are tacky unless you are throwing it for yourself. We threw my friend a 2nd Shower because she was having a different gender the second time around. And she didn't have a lot of money to begin with. So my friends and I got together and threw her one.

If someone offers to throw you one, so be it! Go for it!

someflower6

jilicious:

It's tacky because it is assumed that throughout the course of having the first little one, and through the trials and errors of raising the baby for the first couple of years, the couple will have gotten what they need and will have figured the whole thing out. To later ask for even more at the expense of friends and loved ones is seen as greedy.

what if it's a no present second shower? or at least, no registry, so guests can choose for themselves what to bring-- if anything?

MellsBells

I don't have a strong opinion either way, and think it probably depends on the situation. Traditionally, showers were to help the new family get started by showering them with baby gifts/essentials. Reason would state that if your second child arrives two years later, you should still have a lot of essentials (strollers, pacifiers, onesies, etc) and don't need a shower.

Plus, you have to stop with the showers sometime, right? I mean, if you were on your third marriage, you wouldn't still be making a registry at BB&B and having showers ... it would look like a gift grab. 

I recently threw a shower for a mom having a second boy. She literally didn't need anything except diapers, so that's what everyone brought. It was more of a party than a shower.

christina1313

I have had a co-worker tell me that they are throwing me a shower and my aunt has hinted to a family one as well. I told them both that it isn't necessary but they insisted.  Considering this baby was a big surprise, my boys are 9 and 13, and I am having a girl this time, I totally welcome anyone wanting to help celebrate this little miracle baby girl.  I have never thought that second showers were tacky unless of course the person asks for it or does it for themselves. 

robinsokj

gmugrad9:

This is what I was told (so take it with a grain of salt if you want) but a shower is for a first time mommy to shower her with all the things she will need for the baby.  Once you have your baby gear and your mommy gear the mother doesn't need to be showered again.

A shower is to celebrate the mom not so much the baby.

With each baby many people have a welcome baby party which is soley for the purpose of celebrating that baby.

 

And who made these rules?  

BelhurstBride

gmugrad9:

This is what I was told (so take it with a grain of salt if you want) but a shower is for a first time mommy to shower her with all the things she will need for the baby.  Once you have your baby gear and your mommy gear the mother doesn't need to be showered again.

A shower is to celebrate the mom not so much the baby.

With each baby many people have a welcome baby party which is soley for the purpose of celebrating that baby.

 

That's the way I've always looked at it. Even if I do want new stuff for additional babies I feel it's my responsibility to buy it, not my friends and family.

jilicious

someflower6:

jilicious:

It's tacky because it is assumed that throughout the course of having the first little one, and through the trials and errors of raising the baby for the first couple of years, the couple will have gotten what they need and will have figured the whole thing out. To later ask for even more at the expense of friends and loved ones is seen as greedy.

what if it's a no present second shower? or at least, no registry, so guests can choose for themselves what to bring-- if anything?

Then that is not a shower. A shower's sole purpose is to shower the mother to be with gifts. You are describing a party.

cutie420311

Feel free to flame away, I don't really care,  but I'm having a shower.  My DD is 8, almost 9, I didn't keep baby crap for 9 years.  I have nothing for a baby I didn't think I would need it. 

I'm having at least 1 shower, and quite frankly I expect some stuff and hopefully no stupid shower games.

charlies-angel

I personally get annoyed when I get invites to showers for people who already have 1, 2, 3+ kids already. Especially when the mother to be has created a registry packed with things that they should already have from previous kids (stroller, swing, bouncer, etc). Its annoying to be constantly "begged" for gifts from people.

FutureMECC

jillijo:

I agree that as long as the mom-to-be isn't throwing herself a second shower, it's not a big deal. I'm not having a second shower myself with this baby, but I know my whole family would come if I were having one. They just love to come to get-togethers. I kind of think that if you don't feel comfortable with the idea, just say you have other plans that day and don't go.

THIS THIS THIS!!!! Well said!

My family is not the kind to care about a 2nd shower.  My cousin had one when she had her suprise daughter after she gave away everything from her 2 boys.

FutureMECC

cutie420311:

Feel free to flame away, I don't really care,  but I'm having a shower.  My DD is 8, almost 9, I didn't keep baby crap for 9 years.  I have nothing for a baby I didn't think I would need it. 

I'm having at least 1 shower, and quite frankly I expect some stuff and hopefully no stupid shower games.

This I think is fine.  I would come and buy you something even if it was off a registry.

MWoodside

It just seems greedy to have more than 1 shower.  I understand the situation if thereis a large age gap in btw kids (like a decade) or your second pregnancy is triplets or something. 

In general though if you chose to give all your baby stuff away & get pregnant shortly after that then it's really your own fault anyway & was poor planning. 

Edit:  a "sip & see" or meet & greet once baby is born is differant & not tacky to me.

gmugrad9

robinsokj:

gmugrad9:

This is what I was told (so take it with a grain of salt if you want) but a shower is for a first time mommy to shower her with all the things she will need for the baby.  Once you have your baby gear and your mommy gear the mother doesn't need to be showered again.

A shower is to celebrate the mom not so much the baby.

With each baby many people have a welcome baby party which is soley for the purpose of celebrating that baby.

 

And who made these rules?  

 

Like I said when I posted this is what I have heard and these "RULES" are not so much rules but what people in the area I grew up were used to.  Any mother registering for more gifts for a second baby was seen has greedy.  If you are not showering a person with gifts then it is simply a party or celebration.

 

mrsmiller080407

I disagree that you don't have to go if you don't want to.  Isn't the premise that it's close friends and family who would buy a gift anyway?  If I decide to not go to my sister's shower, because it's her second, you don't think that puts me in a terribly awkward position?  It's not like you can just decline every invitation, even if you really want to.

As the baby's parents, H and I know we are responsible for buying everything this baby needs.  Several people have offered to throw us a shower, because this is our first, but things we don't get are obviously our responsibility to buy.  If we have another child, it is our responsibility to buy the things that child needs. That burden should not fall to our friends or family.  Our baby, our responsibility.

I think it's greedy to have a second, unless it is for multiples or a really, really large gap in time (like 10 years), even if someone offers to throw you one.  You can politely decline and "celebrate" your baby in some way that doesn't require your friends and family to purchase you gifts. 

TxTeacher

I'm with you, I don't see anything wrong with it as long as mom isn't throwing it herself.  I am not one to beg my friends to throw me any type of shower, and we're having 2 diaper showers and 2 other showers, one from the girls at church and the other my sister is throwing for friends/family.  I never mentioned having a shower, I was just asked when I would like to have them.  I protested, they insisted.  If people don't want to go, they don't have to, right? 

mrs.messi

I don't think it is tacky as long as someone else is throwing it. Showers are for the baby, not the mom...and every baby should be celebrated!

TxTeacher

I forgot to mention I will probably register for some stuff.  People want to use it, fine, if not, fine, but some people are asking about it so they have an idea of what is needed.  I wonder if this is a regional thing?  Subsequent showers aren't seen as "taboo" where I live.

Mrs Merlot

2nd, 3rd and even 4th showers are very common here.  However, showers where I'm from are held after the baby is born and are more a get together of close friends and families for a chance to meet the baby and bring small gifts.

I've never been to a shower where someone received a stroller, playpen or swing for the baby.  Those are huge gifts that are normally given by family.  Showers here are usually small toys and clothes and I think every baby deserves new clothes.

However if it seems that showers in your area are specifically for the purpose of acquiring new gear before the baby's arrival, then yes I think it would be tacky to EXPECT a 2nd shower if your other child is still quite young, but if someone else wants to throw one for you, I don't see the harm.

kufishy

I am in the boat that it is tacky, as I will not have one for myself.  But that said I have thrown two different "sprinkles" for friends having their second.  It really depends on the person that it is being thrown for, IMO.

 One was for a girlfriend having a boy after having a girl and needed a lot of "stuff" mainly because she went pretty gender specific with her first  and was full of pink in the house.

 This is going to get long and I apologize.  I am throwing one now and kind of regretting it.  Initially I offered before she knew the sex and she had a miscarriage at 17 weeks.  They got pregnant pretty quickly after and she was overjoyed. Once she found out the sex (another boy) I thought we could do something after, like a "sip and see".  They will have a bris, so I thought perhaps something like hosting it would be nice.  She didn't want that at all, she wanted something before.  Come to find out, her neighbors are also throwing her a shower the same weekend!  TWO showers?  For the second baby?  It is uncomfortable because I think all she wants is presents.  But, we are doing a group gift (a photo session with a professional photographer) and then telling people if they wish they can bring a onesie, or sleepsack, something simple.  Her kiddos are born in different seasons, so I get it, but it still just leaves me with an ugh feeling.

 

Sorry that was kind of long...had to get that out!

 

ttimmerman

I honestly didn't even know people had second showers until I heard about them on this board. I've never know any of my friends or family to have one. We all give each other nice big showers for first babies where you get all the essential gear, and then either you hold onto the stuff for subsequent babies, or you're responsible for buying it yourself. It's your choice to give away baby essentials and if you do, it's not your friends' and family's repsonsibility to buy you things again. As previously stated, most people don't get second showers for weddings, why would you get one for a second baby? It seems very gift-grabby.

That being said, I can see how if some of your friends or family wanted to throw you a small shower that's really more of a party, it would be difficult to say no. I just think it would be very tacky to register for things or to expect people to buy you things.

iristony

I think it is tacky if you are asking the same people to buy you another expensive baby gift 2 years later when you should have kept it the first time.  The people that you are close to will buy you a gift for the new baby once he arrives regardless.

 

mysticporter

A shower is a party where people are expected to bring a gift.  There are only a very few social situations where that's appropriate, and a first baby is one of them, the idea being the family has a lot of needs as far as the baby goes.  Beyond that is a gray area, because a lot of those needs were met with the first one.  Obviously, it's tacky if the mom throws it for herself.  Personally, I have all the expensive items I would need for my second child, and even if it's a boy rather than a girl, picking up the clothes for the kid are my responsibility and within my budget, so I think it would be tacky for me to registry and inappropriate for someone to throw me a shower.

CandT

It's not the shower, but the gifts. Usually you would invite the same people to the 2nd shower and they've most likely already bought things for first baby. If it's a good friend I would go to a 2nd shower and buy something, but wouldn't like to have to shop from a registry. IMO, it should be more of a celebration and get together than focused on gifts.

blessed~with~three

Call me tacky, greedy, whatever.  I've had at least one shower for all three of my babies (yes, three!).  The first baby, I had a friends and family shower, and also a work shower (it was very nice and I got tons of stuff).  For the second baby, another boy, I had a joint shower with my SIL...mostly just family and REALLY close friends...b/c our due dates were two days apart, we were both having boys (her 4th child), and it was kind of a novelty.  With #3, it was my first girl and people were so excited...again just family and close friends.  I got a lot of cute girl things!

I am not expecting a shower this time around.  I did give away all my baby clothes and then get pregnant (very unexpected).  Poor planning, yes!  I am a person who feels like every baby should be celebrated as well, but a shower for a fourth would be ridiculous, I'm afraid.  However, my mom had a shower for all four of her kids...but maybe that was a different time.

And, for the record, my BFF had a shower two years ago for her second marriage.  I am on marriage #3, and my co-workers threw me a surprise shower right before I got married again....it was really sweet of them and I think they were just so happy I'd finally found a good man (I'd made some bad choices in the past).

That is my story...flame away!

robinsokj

Spring Mommy:

robinsokj:

gmugrad9:

This is what I was told (so take it with a grain of salt if you want) but a shower is for a first time mommy to shower her with all the things she will need for the baby.  Once you have your baby gear and your mommy gear the mother doesn't need to be showered again.

A shower is to celebrate the mom not so much the baby.

With each baby many people have a welcome baby party which is soley for the purpose of celebrating that baby.

 

And who made these rules?  

 

Those aren't rules, that's just a fact--- a shower is for the purpose of gifts-- you shower someone with gifts. If you don't want gifts, call it a baby party or whatever.Just like Valentines day is about love and Halloween is about dressing up and trick or treating... if you want something without gifts, you call it something else. (not a shower.)

My point was that theres no be all, end all of party etiquette.  To each their own.  If you find it tacky, thats your opinion, but others dont.  And thats fine.  

ChristinaD09

I also think they're tacky.  Lets face it--whether you "expect" one or a friend offers to throw you one and you happily accept, its going to come across to the guests as if you somewhat expected it and it was done for the purpose of giving you new gifts. 

jenirvt

I don't think they are tacky at all....maybe, as someone else said, it's a regional thing?  I wouldn't blink twice if I was invited to a shower for a friend or relative no matter what child they were on - 1, 2, 3, etc.   I would happily go and bring a gift and have a good time.  To me it's about celebrating a baby and congratulating the mom and dad....not about the whole gift thing, necessarily. 

I don't see the problem with it.  Not everyone keeps baby stuff for years and years, and maybe they still have a really young child at home who is still using all that stuff....either way, in my eyes it's perfectly fine.  To each their own.  That being said I am on #2 and I kept practically nothing as I donated most of it.  Wasn't really planning on having another one then 5 yrs later changed my mind and here I am!   However, I have not registered and do not expect a shower, but if someone offered to have one I would graciously accept.  If not...I get to go do lots of shopping!