MIL in delivery room?

mopsie

I just told DH that I only want him, my mom and my sister in the delivery room.  He said if my mom gets to be in there, so does his.  I love my MIL, but she can get on my nerves sometimes, especially if I'm stressed out (and I have a feeling childbirth will stress me out a bit).  I have no problem having her in there after the baby is born or while I'm in labor (maybe), but I'm just not comfortable with the idea of having her in there while I'm pushing.  She's very sweet, but I don't have the same relationship with her as I do with my mom and little sister.  Is this the kind of thing I can put my foot down and say "I'm the one in labor, I get to decide who's in there", or is it OUR child so he gets a say?

Shandie_725

Some hospitals limit the number of people that can be in the delivery room...that may be your out

butterbeansmama

YOU are the one delivering the baby. You should be the one to decide. It is not his decision, IMO. There is no way in He!! that I would have my MIL in the room with me. We have an "okay" relationship, but still.

Lexi0402

Ummm this is for sure a place you can put your foot down. Tell him when he pushes a watermelon out of his ass, his mom can be there.

mrsfrank

Tell him when he pushed a watermelon our of his vagina he can make that decision

Erin0922

I say, your vag, your rules. Would he want your father in the room next time he turns his head and coughs? Me thinky not.

mopsie

mrsfrank:

Tell him when he pushed a watermelon our of his vagina he can make that decision

And THIS is why I love you ladies so much.  

mrsmcphail

your vag on display, your decision.  Remind him that your business will be hanging out and you're not exactly comfortable with his mom seeing that.  He may honestly just not be thinking.  If he's a butt about it, tell him that he gets to pull his business out in front of your dad to even things up. 

MrsEmm

tell him the next time he poops out a baby he can have a say but for now since youre doing the work & have NO IDEA what it will be like you'd like to be the one calling the shots. She can come in immediately after the delivery (if that suits you of course)

Dutchlish918

You are doing all the hard work, so you get to decide who you want there to support you.

My husband had the same attitude as yours, so I let my MIL be in the room.  It was just not as comfortable as if it would have been with my mom and DH alone.  My mom and I are very, very close, and while my MIL is a sweetheart, we do not have anywhere near that kind of relationship.

I ended up having a crash c-section after 4 hours of pushing so it ended up being just DH at the actual birth.  This time around I am trying for a VBAC.  If pushing goes well and baby progresses I will think about letting MIL come in toward the end, but other than that it will be just my mom and DH in the room.

I'm putting my foot down this time!

GAGirlyGirl

There are no secrets in a delivery room. I don't want my MIL seeing my cooch. Tell him she can watch you deliver if he's willing to show YOUR mom his penis.

paxilchyk

Your vagina on display, your rules!  Put your foot down!!

katielake

don't worry. my husband and i have had the same discussion. i only want my mom and my husband in the room. it took him awhile but i told him that too many people in the room would just stress me out. i'm a private person as it is so having the doctors, nurses, and my mom check out my lower half is enough for me. your husband needs to understand that the situation has to make you comfortable. you are the one having to go through the delivery so things should be your way.

DandaLion

Your Vag, your rules as the other ladies have said...

For me...I don't mind if people want to come by to visit while I am in early labor (and definitely not during an exam leading up to it) if I feel up to it, but when the time comes to actually start pushing the only person that will for sure be in there when that baby is being pushed out is him (he got me into this position, he will be the one there while its coming out). And POSSIBLY my mom (though that is still yet to be determined since she does tend to stress me out A LOT). You get the say in who gets to be in there though. I am also iffy on visitors in the hospital after the baby is born...Its not like you are in there for a LONG period of time, so the only acceptable visitors in the hospital for me is immediate family. Everyone else can wait til we get home.

VampyAuthor

I just sat down with DH and told him I would have who I felt comfortable with in the delievery room. If you're not comfortable with your MIL you need to tell him. You're the one having the baby and you need to be stress free.

christina5877

wow. no way in hell would I ever let his mom in the delivery room with me, I dont even want her to visit me in the hospital. I told mine that if he ever goes into labor he can choose who goes in the room with him, but I will be going into labor and I will choose who is in there with me. .

mrs.w0706

Most hospitals limit you to 2 or 3 people. But just my opinion... it should be up to you who's in there, if it's not comfertable for you then tell your DH she can be there after but not during.

djandkellen

I'd recommend not having anyone other than your husband in the delivery room...  Just my personal opinion.  I would have died if my mother had been in the delivery room b/c she would have driven me batty!  Good luck with your decision.

BFab11

You're the one who is doing the work and who needs to be relaxed and comfortable, so I think it's your choice.

ChristalT

these replies are cracking me up!

nooniesgal

No way on Earth would my MIL be in there with me...or the majority of people I love for that matter. 

Parks2Be

Just tell him there are a limited number of people and MIL didn't make the cut.  

islandgirl79

My hospital only allows 2 people in the delivery room so it might not even be an option.  But I also don't think that he gets to have a say in it.  Tell him to forget about it.

hydies33

I told DH that if his mom was in the room, I took no responsibility for what came out of my mouth if she said something snarky to me. I warned him it could be the end of our civil relationship she & I have managed to keep. That pretty much ended it. Haha.

sherina825

I honestly don't want my MIL in the room at all while I'm in the hospital, so during delivery is an absolute negative.  She can come to visit the baby but I don't care for her and we are not friends.  With that being said, your vagina your rules.  You have to do what is going to make you as comfortable as possible, and hold your ground.

jays_bride

Absolutely you can! You having your mom with you during delivery is completely different than his mom being there.

I only wanted DH and I there, though I did consider having my mom there for a half-second...MIL? No effing way.

This is the hugest, most life changing event you will ever go through, there is nothing wrong with needing mom ~ afterall, she gave birth to you, diapered and bathed you. He won't need his mom the same way. And this time, considering what you are about to do/go through, you should pretty much get your own way.

 

ehiwv

NO way in hell would i let my MIL in the delivery room.  she's coming out around the time of my due date to help out with our daughter and i've already said that she isn't even allowed at the hospital when i'm in labor.  i had the same rule with my parents when DD was born.  just me and DH at the hospital.  that's it. 

jacquelinethorne

GAGirlyGirl:

There are no secrets in a delivery room. I don't want my MIL seeing my cooch. Tell him she can watch you deliver if he's willing to show YOUR mom his penis.

Bwahahaha! I wouldn't dare say that to my DH because he just might do it to spite me and give her a heart attack, lol!

jacquelinethorne

It should be up to you. With that being said, I will tell you that even though my MIL and I aren't the best of friends (that's understating it big time too), she is the most helpful person I could imagine having in the delivery room. I love having my mom in there too, but his mom is an awesome helper when it comes to pushing. DH is too nice and gentle with me during delivery, so he just watches. MIL is good about getting up behind me and really helping support my upper body so I can get the most out of every push. I didn't need the assistance with DS1 since he was born in 3 pushes and less than 7 minutes, but I was getting worn out with DS2 from pushing for a while and I honestly don't know that I'd have pushed him out when I did if she'd not been helping me. A lot of women aren't comfortable with anyone other than DH in the room and I get that, but I also see the value in having mothers in the room since they've been there and done that.

ali_bl-nov05

Put your foot down. It is your child (you and DH's) but you will be the one performing, so YOU and only YOU need to be happy and comfortable.

LonghornNAggie

DH and I had this same conversation yesterday, except he just asked me if my mom was there, did his mom get to be there. I explained it as follows... the reason I want my mother in there is not to get another spectator, it is purely for the support aspect. She is my mom, she won't be there just to be there and see the baby born, she will be there to her HER baby... ME!! I don't want to invite people in just to spectate and while I love his mom, heck, she is a nurse... I still just want my mom, who I know will be there 100% for me. Also, if I do it natural, there will be a lot of need for support and if he needs a break, it will be good for mom to be there.

I would suggest explaining it like that... that you aren't asking your mom and little sister to be there so they can experience the birth, but for support.

I might limit it to just your mom if you want this argument to really fly though.

 DH seemed to understand.

GL!