To find out or not to find out (gender)????

MWoodside

Tomorrow is the big u/s day!  I am so excited.  The thing is DH & I still can't decide if we want to find out the gender or not.

Originally I did not want to know.  He thought this was crazy talk.  He kept saying "why would anyone NOT want to know?"  He went on about how important it was to him to know, etc, etc.  Finally I said it seems to mean more to him to know than it means to me to not know so, fine, we'll find out.  I got myself in the mindset to know & was excited about it.

Then, a few weeks ago, he said maybe you were right & we shouldn't find out.  WHAT?  Now I don't know what to do.  Neither one of us can decide.

Sell me on your viewpoint.  With this being our first baby it's all new to us.

MNgirl326

If you are undecided, I wouldn't find out.  Once you find out, you can't go back .  It is like losing your virginity...if you are not ready, you shouldn't do it.

Sept1799

I wanted to know and DH didn't want to know. I didn't understand why he would not want to know. I went shopping with him to buy clothes for the baby. (why because we like to prepare) and there was not much of a choice for gender netural clothes. So I turned to DH and said our baby will have no clothes if we don't find out....so he agreed.

We found out we are having a little girl so I have been crazy buying pink outfits...he is loving all the deals we are finding to.

Shandie_725

We were originally Team Green, but have decided to find out. We still want to keep it a surprise (plus, we're harassing MIL at this point - fun!) so it's an "us secret". 

This is our first baby too, and our game plan is if we go for #2, that we'll let LO decide to find out if it's a baby brother or sister. If they don't want to know, we won't find out.

epirani

Well I am on TEAM FIND OUT JANUARY 11th! I want to know so I can plan...I am a big planner and not knowing makes it really hard for me to make a decision. I also wanted to know so I could start calling baby by name instead of baby P or my little onion(which is what veggie I am this week) I don't guess there are any other reason except I REALLY want to know...lol sorry if it isn't much help.

Go with your heart and pray about it...no matter what it will be the right decision!

sept0305bride

I'm torn like you.  1st baby.  Both of our inclinations were to find out the old fashioned way.

But then we started thinking about nurseries.  Problem is we don't want to do a gender neutral nursery.  I don't want to wait to schlop paint after the birth.  My ideal is a nursery all ready to go when we are home from the hospital.  I will take some weeks off before my maternity leave to get the layette ready to roll.

So, now, we are going to find out, but its going to be our secret.

I don't want to tell people we're having a boy and get blue or worse, having a girl, and get pink.  I want gender neutral attire since I will have at least 3 kids and ideally one would be the opposite gender.

I know that if I tell our family it will be gender specific clothing city.   And we'll never get any peace.  We tell people we're not finding out so they don't pester us, but we're going to find out and not tell ANYONE.

Raffes484

I'd see if they'll write it down for you that way you don't have to make the decision right now. If you decide later that you want to know you can, but the pp is right, once the cat is out of the bag, you can't put it back.

I am the type of person that peeks at Christmas presents before Christmas, so not knowing for me was not an option.

SoldiersGreenBean

We didn't find out with DD, and it was amazing.

This time, we're finding out.  I told DH that I've been surprised enough (we found out we're having twins).

smilejenn

abartow:

If you are undecided, I wouldn't find out.  Once you find out, you can't go back .  It is like losing your virginity...if you are not ready, you shouldn't do it.

Great advice and I love the comparison! LOL

 I originally wanted our first to be a surprise, but I had such a hard time with severe m/s I decided to find out so that I had something to look forward to that wasn't 40 long weeks away. But there's part of me that wishes I would have toughed it out and not found out at the big ultrasound. There's definitely enough gender neutral clothes out there (yellows, greens, oranges, whites, creams, etc) to get you by for a few weeks until you can go shopping after delivery. (my mom bought me a ton of stuff prior to our big ultrasound and finding out it was a boy)

MrsBalletStar05

Think of it this way - it's a surprise.  It's going to be a surprise whether you find out tomorrow, or when the baby is born. 

ali_bl-nov05

abartow:

If you are undecided, I wouldn't find out.  Once you find out, you can't go back .  It is like losing your virginity...if you are not ready, you shouldn't do it.

Good point. Maybe you can have the sonogram person (sonographist?) write it down and put it on a sealed envelope so that you have the chance to know later if you decide to.

MWoodside

Good points.  Here's where we are at though:

-only reason to find out for us is bonding purposes.  I've been hearing you can bond more before birth if you know who is in there.

-we aren't naming baby before we meet it regardless.  We are narrowing down a list & naming after birth.

-gender neutral nursery doesn't really bother me.  I have a whole girl nursery picked out just b/c I found stuff I like.

-I HATE the pink for girl, blue for boy thing.  This applies to clothing, rooms, etc.  That's one reason I didn't want to know initially.

Edit:  I am liking the envelope suggestion.

MrsEmm

we are not finding out. I found out both times previously and am looking forward to being surprised at the delivery this time. I think it will be fun waiting & wondering over the next 6 mos and will give me just a little extra 'umph' to push that baby out when the time comes. Im really looking forward to it!! Plus I cant wait to spread the news with everyone when he or she is born I think its a personal choice and no one way is 'better' - its exciting no matter when you chose to find out

ETA: I have no issues bonding with my baby w/o knowing the sex. NOT an issue at all imo. I cant imagine being pg and not binding with the growing baby inside of you - but thats me.

mrsjenni

Raffes484:

I'd see if they'll write it down for you that way you don't have to make the decision right now. If you decide later that you want to know you can, but the pp is right, once the cat is out of the bag, you can't put it back.

This.

I wanted to know with #1 but wanted to wait with #2.  DH did NOT want to wait with either and we ended up finding out with both.  We're very happy with our decision to find out, as I think that it's more about being connected to the baby (which is the BEST part about finding out!) than anything else.

GL with your decision. 

laurasue

mrs.jenni:

Raffes484:

I'd see if they'll write it down for you that way you don't have to make the decision right now. If you decide later that you want to know you can, but the pp is right, once the cat is out of the bag, you can't put it back.

This.

I wanted to know with #1 but wanted to wait with #2.  DH did NOT want to wait with either and we ended up finding out with both.  We're very happy with our decision to find out, as I think that it's more about being connected to the baby (which is the BEST part about finding out!) than anything else.

GL with your decision. 

This. I've felt so much more connected to my babysince finding out! We can refer to her as "she" instead of "the baby" or peanut or some silly nickname. Plus I can envision her future and the types of things we'll get to do with her. It was totally a shock to me (since I thought we were having a boy) and even DH who thought it was a girl was very excited and has been a lot more connected to the pregnancy now, too. The way I look at it, the delivery day is going to be exciting no matter what, it's still a surprise if you find out tomorrow or in 4.5 months, and it's an incredible way to start bonding with your baby. I had considered being team green for future pregnancies but now I'm not so sure I ever will

jess60

I'm Team Green & in my mind, the only question you really have to answer is what is your reason to find out?  None of the "find out in advance" arguments really hold up IMO. Is it really that impossible to wait & just be happy with a healthy baby of either sex?  Is it really that difficult to pick out both a boy & girl name?  Is it really that big of a deal to have a pink/blue nursery, clothes, etc... in advance?  Again, just my opinion...

We have agreed from the beginning to not find out so it wasn't a difficult decision.

GL with your decision!

dixielane

My theory is, once you KNOW, would you REALLY regret knowing your baby is a boy/girl? NO! I highly doubt it, you'd be thrilled placing a "persona" on your little baby.

Thats why we chose to find out, and plus, pregnancy is so loaded with other anticipations, and suprises, one less is not going to take away the "big bang" of it all )

Sept_Bride'07

haha, my dh did the same thing with out first.  but i was already built up to find out and couldn't go back to the mindset of not finding out.  so glad we did, it really made things more real to know i had a son on the way.

MrsAmyB

It really is your (and your DH's) decision.  Something you could do, is have the tech write it down and put it in an envelope.  That way if you decide later that you want to know, you can always open it up.

With #1 I wanted to know, DH wasn't sure and wouldn't make up his mind.  So we found out. 

This time, I will definitely find out, there is so much to plan for with 3 that I need to know.

ttimmerman

MrsBalletStar05:

Think of it this way - it's a surprise.  It's going to be a surprise whether you find out tomorrow, or when the baby is born. 

This. We are choosing to find out at our ultrasound on Thursday, and it will still be a surprise. The surprise just comes earlier and gives us plenty of time to plan and buy the things we want, in case we do want a few gender-specific items. There is no way I could wait until birth...I'm way too impatient and too much of a planner for that!

luna49

I could have written your post 2 years ago, word for word.  We ended up making a game time decision, on the way to the U/S, not to find out. 

Once we found out I was pregnant again, I asked DH if he wanted to find out this time.  He said no, he liked not knowing last time.  So, we're team green again.

Probably doesn't help you much, but we were happy with our last minute decision not to find out and are going the same route again.

Good luck tomorrow!

rlscheck

DH and I are planners.  I want to know what we are having to decorate, pick out a name, etc.  I agree with something said earlier, if you are undecided don't do it.  You can always go back in to find out (you will probably have to pay out of pocket), but you still have the option.  If you find out and then think "we shouldn't have done that", it's too late!

babycrane

Have the doctor write it down on a piece of paper. Then if you guys definately want to find out, you can schedule a special moment and find out just the two of you together.

mysticporter

We were undecided with DD, but reached the conclusion that there would be plenty enough going on the day of the birth in terms of excitement, so we wanted to find out ahead of time to have that moment be it's own little burst of excitement.  I thought for sure with child #2 we'd want to wait, but we liked the experience of knowing so much with #1, we're finding out again.  Plus, practically, it was much easier for us, particularly as far as picking names.  We had enough trouble finding one we liked, I would have hated to have worked out that struggle for two names and THEN have one not get used!

gmugrad9

We found out because:

1) Dh really wanted a boy and I didn't want to feel disappointed the first time I saw the baby after birth.  If you are honest, truely honest with yourself and don't care either way then sure wait but if You are already doing the gender tests online to see if it is a girl or boy find out

2) I was high risk which knowing that ment I might be alert enoight to hear it is a xyz after birth and I wanted to know

3) The talk that it helps you push made me laugh.  I knew Belle was Belle and couldn't wait to meet her and see her and just be done with labor so I got her out in a quick 3 pushes, Every birth is different and knowing or not knowing isn't any less or more motivation so if you want to not know don't think it helps you push less.  Some get 3 pushes and done some push for hours.

4) Bonding.  Yes it did help us bond with the baby knowing she was a she and I didn't get hardly any pink clothes either.  I loved calling her by name and feeling close to her so early on (but I think for me once they told me I had pre-e I was really worried about how everything was going to happen so I did a hopes and dream book for her as my little girl)

 

mzovoce

We're not finding out for many reasons.

First: I understand if you wait the surprise is so much more intense.
Second: as a pp mentioned we would have so much gender specific clothes that we would be bleeding pink and blue
Third: our nursery is going to be giant robots so completely gender neutral
Fourth: After our miscarriage I really don't care, I thought at one time I did, but all I really care about is health

gmugrad9

Oh this time around we are finding out again.  DD is only 3 and it will help her be prepared for the new baby also.  All her friends at schools are having baby sisters and she really wants one so we have talked up the great things about having a baby brother too.

 

sblaisure

No matter where it happens, the gender will always be a big surpirse!

For me, i'm a planner. I hate yellows and greens, and everything i'd buy or put on my registry I would ask the question "is this good for a boy and a girl?" I need to know if it'll be good for the specific gender that my baby is.

We have to paint the room, and i'd like to know what color to paint it. Brown and pink or brown and blue. I just can't do brown and beige, i need color!

 Also with outfits. I don't think I could deal with the yellows and greens, I want to dress my girl in pretty dresses. I want to dress my boy in cute sweater vests and hats.

I don't know. I'm a planner, and no matter where we find out, it'll be a surpirse.

MrsBalletStar05

mzovoce:

We're not finding out for many reasons.

First: I understand if you wait the surprise is so much more intense.
Second: as a pp mentioned we would have so much gender specific clothes that we would be bleeding pink and blue
Third: our nursery is going to be giant robots so completely gender neutral
Fourth: After our miscarriage I really don't care, I thought at one time I did, but all I really care about is health

 

I'm sorry, totally not flaming, and it's probably really cool - but I SO would not think of robots as being gender neutral. 

Alyssa102

I am a planner and needed to know.  (Not that I am going to go crazy with the Pink, b/c if the 2nd child is a boy we can re-use gender neutral stuff)

But this way we have a name and we can be a little more prepared with specific things.  I just didn't want alot of yellow and green jumpers...lol!

barnwife

MrsEmm:

ETA: I have no issues bonding with my baby w/o knowing the sex. NOT an issue at all imo. I cant imagine being pg and not binding with the growing baby inside of you - but thats me.

Lurking from 1st Tri...Ditto this. It always makes me laugh when people give the "you bond better" excuse. Really? Do they think that Team Green people don't bond with their babies? Personally, I think that reason is a crock. I already feel like I'm bonding with baby, and I'm only 9 weeks!

And I agree with the pp, who said that once you know you can't go back! So the envelope thing may be a good idea for you!

kelleymark82606

We aren't finding out and I'm really excited to wait.  There are times here and there that I wish we were, but overall i'm thrilled to wait.  I think it will be so much fun that day to find out.  It is the only real secret left and I am looking forward to waiting it out.

gmugrad9

barnwife:

MrsEmm:

ETA: I have no issues bonding with my baby w/o knowing the sex. NOT an issue at all imo. I cant imagine being pg and not binding with the growing baby inside of you - but thats me.

Lurking from 1st Tri...Ditto this. It always makes me laugh when people give the "you bond better" excuse. Really? Do they think that Team Green people don't bond with their babies? Personally, I think that reason is a crock. I already feel like I'm bonding with baby, and I'm only 9 weeks!

And I agree with the pp, who said that once you know you can't go back! So the envelope thing may be a good idea for you!

 

 

Actually there is a difference as far as the bond with the baby.  yes everyone bonds with their unborn child but knowing the gender does increase the bond.  Anyone who has found out has already bonding to their baby since they found out they were pregnant.

MrsEmm

gmugrad9:

barnwife:

MrsEmm:

ETA: I have no issues bonding with my baby w/o knowing the sex. NOT an issue at all imo. I cant imagine being pg and not binding with the growing baby inside of you - but thats me.

Lurking from 1st Tri...Ditto this. It always makes me laugh when people give the "you bond better" excuse. Really? Do they think that Team Green people don't bond with their babies? Personally, I think that reason is a crock. I already feel like I'm bonding with baby, and I'm only 9 weeks!

And I agree with the pp, who said that once you know you can't go back! So the envelope thing may be a good idea for you!

?

?

Actually there is a difference as far as the bond with the baby.? yes everyone bonds with their unborn child but knowing the gender does increase the bond.? Anyone who has found out has already bonding to their baby since they found out they were pregnant.

Its obviously a personal thing - *I* dont think I will bond any more with this baby knowing the sex. I think that each baby is unique, boy or girl. Knowing Im having another girl wont personally make me feel like I know the baby any better.

I feel attached to this being that is growing inside of me & how often it will kick and move and the difference between this pg and my last 2 will be what makes me feel 'bonded'. Doesnt matter to me if the walls & clothes are going to be pink or blue or orange for that matter.

Its a totally personal choice and I feel completely *bonded* whether I know the sex or not.

and as far as pushing goes - whatever gets you thru each contraction is your own personal choice. For me I know that finding out the sex will be an added distraction to the pain.?

Its silly to think theres a right way or a?wrong?way when it comes to finding out - to each their own. These are just my reasons. ?

NicoleWright8

My feeling is that since this is our first there is already so much that will be unexpected. So knowing the gender of the baby ahead of time is just one part of this crazy rollercoaster that we are on that we can know about and prepare for.

niki731

This sounds exactly like me and DH.  We did find out on Christmas and I have to say although I was really against it at first I'm glad we did find out because now I can shop....   My SIL has done it both ways and said she liked knowing better.  But seriously I have no regrets.  I love knowing that we are having a boy....

luna49

Maybe I am being pregnant/hormonal but it annoys me when people say they need to find out b/c they are "planners."  What does that make those of us on Team Green?  People who are just flying by the seat of their pants, not "planning" things for baby? 

Really, as a PP stated, is it that hard to plan a boy name and a girl name?  Wait for a few days after the birth to go get some gender specific clothes?  Make a nursery more gender specific after having the baby?

I guess I just don't buy the "planning" argument.  I'm all for people finding out the sex if they want to - but why not just say, I'm finding out b/c I just want to know now.