do they call it "bouts" of depression because it feels like fighting .. — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

do they call it "bouts" of depression because it feels like fighting ..

fighting against crying every day, fighting against the fears, the darkness, the disappointments..

I am just so unhappy with everything. Everything seems so messed up. I'm not looking forward to anyhing. Nothing seems to cheer me up.

I just cry and cry and hate myself more and more.

It's come to a point where I can't think of one thing I like about myself. I feel as though none of my goals and plans for future will be met. 

Why can't I snap out of this? I feel so pathetic..

I can't sleep because I am plagued by my irrational fear of death.. My death, my children's deaths, my husband's death.. I can't stand it.. but it won't get out of my head. I'm terrified and on edge every waking moment..

I'm crying as I type this and I am so ashamed to admit it.

I can't find help in my area for people who don't have insurance.. 

I don't know what to do anymore.

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Re: do they call it &amp;quot;bouts&amp;quot; of depression because it feels like fighting ..

  • I am so sorry that you feel this way.  Don't feel pathetic, you are dealing with something that so many other people deal with, you are NOT alone in this!  I wish I could give you a hug!

    Check out this website:

    http://dbsaneworleans.org/

    Hopefully you can get some guidance through this agency! 

    You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

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  • I love your post title. First, you can't snap out of it because depression is a disease. Just like you can't "snap out" of diabetes, cancer, or a sinus infection, you can't will yourself out of depression. Sometimes, you can let it run its course while taking care of yourself (using family support, eating right, exercising), or see a counselor to talk through it or get a prescription to help you fight it. So you aren't pathetic. You wouldn't call yourself pathetic if you came down with other diseases!

    Second, regarding the no insurance thing:  See this article in the NYT.  I have worked with psychologists before who used a sliding scale for payment. People who are in the mental health field are most likely there because they want to help people when they need help. Many are willing to see you for a reduced fee if you simply ask.

    To find resources in your area Call 211 or Try Tulane?s Total Woman Health Care Center at (504) 588-5100.

    Whatever you do, DO something.  I've so been there. Once take the first step,  it gets easier.  feel free to pm me. G'luck.


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  • I'm sorry. Don't feel ashamed. Remember that you are not alone.

    See if you can find a counseling center that will do a sliding scale payment plan for you. I don't have insurance and that is what I have been doing because my mental health is extremely important.

    Do you have a lot of supportive family? Maybe have someone come over a few days a week so you can take a break. FInd somebody you feel comfortable talking to and just let it all out.

    We are all here for you if you need to vent some more. Good luck.

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  • It's true...there is nothing to be embarassed about.  A lot of the things you have mentioned I feel too.  The thoughts of death have run through my mind.  But it is not you...it is the depression doing it to you.

    I really hope you can find treatment.  The other girls seem to have some good suggestions.  Also, maybe you can just take a look through a phone book for some resources.  Hopefully there are some community organizations in your area that can help you find a clinic for the uninsured.

    Good luck to you.  I wish you the best.  We will be here for you.

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