Colic and Guilt

RavenWolf

Over the past couple of days, DS has been getting very very fussy around 4pm each day. Looking at his symptoms and consulting with my Mom has lead us to agree he probably has a slight case of colic. Well, I was researching colic and looked at the possible causes and one is excessive stress or anxiety in the household. Reading that was like someone stabbed me in the heart. Because I know that is me doing that to him. And though I am trying to stop the stress and anxiety, with the PPD and PPA it's so hard and now I am pretty sure its making my son miserable too. Making him physically ill. I feel like the worst mother and human being. I know I cannot help it, that it's not an intentional thing, but I feel awful!!! How do I deal with this? So far I have promised to try harder to not stress and be anxious but I am not sure I can really keep that promise. I just feel so damn guilty!!!!!!

TommysGirl56

From my understanding of it, the cause of colic cannot be determined.  Please don't think that you did it to him!  Just think of it as something that happened, and something that you are going through together.  Maybe instead of worrying about what you think you have done wrong, focus on what you can do right.  You are there for your DS, able to soothe him in ways only mommy can!

Hopefully you are seeing a doctor and getting treated for the PPD/PPA.  If not, please see someone.  Getting well is one of the best things you can do for your DS.  You are a good mommy for doing all you can to be the best mommy you can.

RavenWolf

Thanks for this. And yes, I am on medication and under a doctor's care - I have been since one week post partum (DS is 23 days old today) and just went back for a recheck yesterday.

TommysGirl56

I am glad to hear it!  Allie was incredibly colicky for the first 3 months.  I know how stressful that can be.  It is like a vicious cycle with PPD, because as the baby cries more, you start feeling more and more helpless, worried and flat out exhausted.  It impairs your ability to cope with the baby's crying.  Things suddenly got better around the 3 month mark, though.  Seriously, one day she just woke up a totally different, smiley, playful little girl.  It is amazing!  I am sure you will get there with your LO, too.  It just takes time.  And keep focusing on the positive: how well you take care of LO.  You are a strong woman for surviving PPD, getting help, and taking great care of a baby, all at the same time!  If you ever want to talk more, just PM me!