Good news from NICU (and a minor breakdown)

Mrs.tlcS

It's a small step, but Eric got his IV out. 

We're in the isolette still, but things are looking good right now.  Feeding/growing is the name of the game now (barring any setbacks).

Oh!  And our NICU set us up with a live camera feed, so I am at home, and he's on my computer screen.  I can watch him all day long if I want to .  I have to admit, though... the live feed is very bittersweet.  I feel so guilty for not being able to be there - in the same room - with him, and the visual is kind of a reminder that I'm not there... but at the same time, I feel so good that I can see him, even if he can't see me.  I hope he knows that I want to be there with him.

I'm having a rough time being home...it's so hard feeling as conflicted as I am feeling.  On the one hand, I know how important it is that I recover from birth, and get strong and healthy so that I can be a supermom when he gets home... and I still have to be Mama at home for my DD.  On the other hand, I'm scared that Eric won't feel how much I want to be with him and I don't want him to feel afraid and alone and abandoned because I'm not there with him.

Sorry for getting all emotional... I'm so glad you all understand all this... it really helps being able to get it all out to people who've BTDT.

clyoungsey

Emotions this early in the game are completely normal.  Here is a good place to air them because we all get it and probably will empathize to the point that we are crying over our own NICU drama!

I can see how it would be awesome and hard to watch LO there...I have a 3 y/o that I had to divide my time between so I know there were times where I could have loved to watch when I couldn't be there...like my midnight pumping sessions.

He (being a boy) will have a very strong bond with you there is a reason they call them Momma's boys...I know, I have two of them.  My NICU boy was there for 6 weeks and he is inseparable with me now!

((HUGS))

Autumn_bride2b

***hugs*** and hello!

It will get better. Just know that he is in the best place possible right now and that you need to heal and recover too, so that you can take good care of him when he comes home.

SBMBride406

The web cams are so cool! I'd never even heard of that until million$baby posted about them on her blog. I would have loved that.

Guilt is a big part of the burden of being a preemie mom! I swore my son would have some major issues since I maybe spent a total of 20 hours with him his first month of life (I was REALLY sick after my c/s). But he and I are the best of friends and he is the happiest, friendliest toddler in the world. There's only so much you can do and you need to be there for your girl, as well. He will be fine and you will be 2 peas in a pod in no time!

At1stsight

I know I felt guilty just for going home at night even though I was there all day everyday from like 7am-9pm. No matter what you feel guilty, but the guilt will definitely fade as you grow closer together once he's home. The initial days are so rough. Take care of yourself and DD and know that no one can ever replace you as momma to your little boy. You'll be best buds before you know it!

*Sweet pea*

The live feed is awesome.  I wish we had one when DD was in the NICU :+)

T&J'SMAMA

I agree with most, I was at the NICU everyday and still felt so guilty he was there. No matter what you will feel it and it is so important to take care of yourself too.

And I wish they had live feed when DS was there. I had no idea they had that now. At least you get to see him when you can't be there.