I have screwed myself. What would you do re: bedtime

sunandsand

Our LO is 3.5 mo old and we've been doing the same bedtime routine since 9 wks old...Bath at 7, lotion, give a bottle while in rocking chair, and he passes out just before the bottle is gone. Not a deep pass out...he still stirs and stretches when I put him in his crib, but he's out. This works and he usually stays asleep for 6-8 hrs.

On the rare occassion that he doesnt fall asleep after the bottle is gone, he goes in his swing and is out in 5 mins. Then we transfer him to the crib.

I should also mention that we dont let the baby cry...like ever. Yeah, I'm that mom. 

So after hearing from numerous resources (pedi, bump, etc) that youre really supposed to put LO in the crib drowsy, we do just that tonight. He is about ready to fall asleep and I put him in the crib. Within a minute, he is crying. So DH and I wait a few minutes...still crying. I go in and pick him up. I cannot console him or calm him down. Crying turns to screaming. Screaming turns into gagging...gagging turns into not breathing. Clearly he is pissed.

When I finally get him calmer (still crying tho) I put him in his swing...he's in there right now crying softly. I would go pick him up but it wont do any good. 

WWYD in this situation?? Keep doing what works and just be fvcked when youre out of town and dont have a rocker or swing??   Try a little bit every night to put him down drowsy, even if it results in a night like tonight?? Advice much appreciated I'm going back in there to try to comfort him.

r9stedt

Do what works, IMHO.   L didn't start falling asleep on his own until 7 or 8 months.   I was in survival mode from lack of sleep still at 3.5 months!

 

And, it is nice to see another KS nestie!  Welcome!!

DandelionMom

Do what works.  That "drowsy but awake" thing didn't work for any of my kids.  I rocked them to sleep until they didn't need me to anymore and I always went in to comfort them, never let them cry. 

They're all really good sleepers now and are so good about bedtime.  I don't think you're screwed at all.

ridesbuttons

At the end of the day, you've got to live with whatever you choose to do.

I say keep doing what is working.  Sooner or later you will have to change it up, but don't worry about it in the interim.

These close and cuddly nights won't last forever, believe it or not.  Enjoy them while they last.

Mominator

Personally, I would keep doing what works. They are only young for so long, and seriously, you aren't going to be rocking him into High School. Enjoy it now and as long as it is working for you, I say why stop. {{{says the Mom who nursed her son to sleep for 11mths}}}

FriskyPanda

I would keep doing what works. 

Eventually I was able to put DD in the crib drowsy, swaddled tight and laying on her side.  The sleeping thing evolves over time and what works now might now work in a month or 2, and what works in a month may not work in 4 months. 

Tracy1011

I may be in the minority, but I think he's still a little young to worry about whether or not you are putting him down completely asleep or a little drowsy. My son had major issues the first few months with allergies to milk and we could barely put him down, drowsy or alseep.  I hated when he cried, and my pedi told us they don't have the cognitive abiltity at this age to "know" that if they cry, then you will just come pick them up.

So, my thought is he needs you. If rocking him and putting him down works for you guys now, I would continue to do it.  As he gets a little older, you can always try the drowsy thing and as he grows and learns, he may just outgrow the rocking thing.  But for now, I wouldn't worry about it and I would just be there for him as he needs you.  Good luck.

femmegem

I can share my own experience with you. DS fell asleep while I was giving him his bottle for much longer than 4 months, and even after that I still rocked him to sleep until he was like nine months old. Like asleep asleep, not just drowsy.

Around that time he started getting really restless and wouldn't fall asleep while I rocked him, so I would let him screw around/fuss in his crib for like 10 minutes before coming back up and rocking him. He never full-on cried.

One night I was busy catching up on some work, DH was out of town, and I suddenly realized I had left DS for longer than 10 minutes and he had fallen asleep on his own. I couldn't believe it. From then on most nights he fell asleep on his own, but I would occasionally still rock him.

He also got a bottle at bedtime until he was about 15 months because I was seriously so afraid he would never fall asleep if I cut that out of his bedtime routine. I did all this reading, prepared myself, posted on here a million times, and finally cut the bottle before bed out. He didn't even miss it. He fell asleep just like normal.

I guess what I'm trying to say is try not to fret too much about what the sleep experts tell you. Kids are very adaptable. DS never CIOed and he now falls asleep on his own every night and sleeps through the night. It took 15 months for us to get there, but we did.

Do what works. It's all a phase and he'll grow out of it, so enjoy your snuggle time for now.

melmax

Hmmm....first I want to say that in my experience, this also has to do with the child's individual disposition. My dd#1 would nurse to sleep and would wake up and cry as I transitioned her into the crib. DD#2 is much easier....I can put her in awake and she's fine with putting herself to sleep.  I did nothing different, they are just 2 different kids.

That being said, I still think he's a bit young to try to "train" him.  I would try a little bit (maybe not even every night, but at naps some days?) every day to put him in drowsy, that way he gets a bit used to not being completely "out" when you put him in. If it doesn't work, well, it eventually will. Like you, I never let my DD #1 cry much and she eventually went on to be a great sleeper, etc.  He's only 3.5 mos and may just need more comfort as he goes to sleep.

femmegem

I also have to reiterate what someone else said: put the sleep books down. They did nothing but stress me out. You're doing fine. Really.

senecamom

He's too young to let him cry. Seriously, just rock him. I rocked DD for at least a year. I miss it. :-(

femmegem

I'm sorry to keep posting, but I never listened to my pedi's sleep recommendations. I always did what felt right to me. Most pediatricians aren't sleep experts. And your DS is too young to just leave to cry right now.

As others said, keep rocking him and soak up all the snuggle time. It won't last forever and you'll miss it when it's over.

sunandsand

Breathing a big sigh of relief here, girls! I was hoping to get these responses I knew I was doing the right thing.

If we ever go out of town (like for Xmas) and dont have a rocker/swing, I'll survive a night or two. 

femmegem

sunandsand:

Breathing a big sigh of relief here, girls! I was hoping to get these responses I knew I was doing the right thing.

If we ever go out of town (like for Xmas) and dont have a rocker/swing, I'll survive a night or two. 

Go with your gut. I know I'm being a crazy post whore in this thread, but I SO feel for you because reading sleep books made me insanely stressed out. I was sure I had completely screwed up my child.

And I've "rocked" DS on the hotel bed on more than one occasion (sat on the bed, held him, and rocked my upper body back and forth). Doesn't work as well as a regular rocker, but eventually it usually did the trick.

sunandsand

femmegem:

sunandsand:

Breathing a big sigh of relief here, girls! I was hoping to get these responses I knew I was doing the right thing.

If we ever go out of town (like for Xmas) and dont have a rocker/swing, I'll survive a night or two. 

Go with your gut. I know I'm being a crazy post whore in this thread, but I SO feel for you because reading sleep books made me insanely stressed out. I was sure I had completely screwed up my child.

And I've "rocked" DS on the hotel bed on more than one occasion (sat on the bed, held him, and rocked my upper body back and forth). Doesn't work as well as a regular rocker, but eventually it usually did the trick.

Thanks for all your responses. Much appreciated. Its nice to know someone has felt the same way. 

Bellisimo

Definitely do whatever works best for you all.  All kids are different.  Mine could barely stay awake until 7 so the bedtime routine has to start by 6p. 

momphd

DandelionMom:

Do what works.  That "drowsy but awake" thing didn't work for any of my kids.  I rocked them to sleep until they didn't need me to anymore and I always went in to comfort them, never let them cry. 

They're all really good sleepers now and are so good about bedtime.  I don't think you're screwed at all.

this exactly 

Angela814

Keep doing what you're doing. He doesn't need to be able to put himself to sleep yet. He's only 3.5 months! Oh, and go ahead and be that mom. He shouldn't be left to cry at this age anyway!