advice for breaking my news to an IF aquaintance

lemonade4keri

In one of those "its a small world" moments, I ran into my neighbor at my RE's office back when we were in treatment for DS #2. She was there trying for #2 as well. Our firstborns are the same age and we became friendly. Our treatment resulted in our baby boy and she had a m/c and we've sort of drifted back to being aquaintances since then. We see each other at school functions and out and about. I'm pretty sure she's going to be at a party I'm going to tonight and I haven't talked to her since we got our surprise BFP. I'm trying to decide if I should call her / email her today and tell her the news, or just see her at the party tonight. I don't want to make a big deal either way. Pregnancy announcements by fertile people still bother me on some level, and even though I don't consider myself a fertile person, I want to be sensitive to her feelings. Any advice? Also, I'm not 100% sure she'll be at the party tonight....TIA

nicolita14w

Are you showing? Would you even have to tell her now?

I'd wait till the party, regardless. Then, if it comes up, I'd just tell her. I think sending an e-mail ahead of time might make it more into a big deal.

And then just remember that if she needs some space, to be understanding. This can be such a hard time of year dealing with IF.  

EastCoastBride

Well, I may be wrong on this, but my take on it-

Like you, hearing PG announcements can sometimes still bother me on some level.  However, it doesn't hit me on a level like it did before I had DS.  Before, an annoucement could bring me to the floor in tears.  Now - it's more of a "yeah- nice for you that it's so easy....". 

Which leads me to - previously, yes, I would rather get a heads up where I can take in the news in private.  But now - eh, don't really need that anymore.

So, I wonder if she would really want a heads up, and even if it might be annoying.  I don't feel that I need to be singled out anymore for needing "special attention".

I'm not saying don't be sensitive!  But I also don't know how much I would overthink this.  Esp as she's an acquaintance.  Again- it may jsut be me - but if an acquaintance contacted me to tell me they were PG, I might be a little put off by it.  In that it might actually come across as bragging, "I need to make sure you know I finally had success again and you didn't", when they are someone I have very little to do with.

KWIM?

leslie&brian

I'm a firm believer that pregnancy announcements to an IF person should be made via email so that way they have time to process everything. However, I think this is a different situation, and I don't think it would be appropriate to send an email. She's only an acquaintance, and if you haven't seen her in over 14 weeks, you probably aren't that close to her. If she's at the party tell her then if the topic comes up.

lemonade4keri

Thanks Ladies! I was leaning toward not contacting her in advance and I think that instinct is right. We were much closer two years ago than we are now...Thanks again for your responses. I was watching the views # rise and seeing no responses, thinking I must sound like a nut or something. It is easy to overthink this kind of situation, I just wanted to see if I was on the right track...

EastCoastBride

I can think of people who I knew 2 years ago who knew my struggle.  I may run into them here and there, but we're definitely no longer friends.  if they contacted me out of the blue to say "hey, I'm PG", I could see myself thinking "Uh, ok.  Do you want a cookie?".  Even if I KNOW what their intentions are.  It would just be a bit off-putting! 

Actually- more to the point, there was a couple that we were friends with, GOOD friends with, for many years.  But in the past few years, they've basically disappeared from our lives. Part of the reason - they were very hurtful to us around our IF issues.  And very smug (to us and others) about how easily they could get PG.  When they announced their 2nd pregnancy (a couple years ago), it really hit me hard.  VERY hard. 

But now - I found out they are PG w/ #3.  If she had actually emailed me to let me know "first", I would have actually been PISSED.  It would have absolutely come across to me as "I just need to brag". 

There is definitely more to the story w/ this couple that leads me to have that reaction, but at the same time- it's an example of someone who is truly an acquaintance in my life and how odd I would find it to be given a heads up from her.

TheSkimmy

Since you don't talk to her that often I wouldn't bring it up until the party. I am only emotionally affected by the pregnancy news by close friends or family. An acquaintance doesn't really make me sad by them being pregnant. She won't watch you get bigger and she won't hear every detail. 

Since you aren't close I would just see her at the party if she is there. If you email her it would almost be like you are rubbing it in. Good luck and have fun!