what kinds of things did you include in your dear bm letter?

MayDayGirl

I just want her to see us for who we are. I want her to see that we have no expectations for her to chose us or even to place in the end, I want to express our complete "understanding" for this difficult situation she is in, I want to sound genuine and sincere.

 

But is that too much?  What kinds of things did you include?

ColoRxGirl

MayDay - if you go to my blog, then click on the link to our BP letter on the right hand side of the page, it will take you to our page at Bethany.  It's the short version, but it gives you an idea.

Art Teacher

This is a link to our Dear Birthmother letter on our agency's website.  If you click on the waiting families link, you can read a lot of other letters, too.  That's what I did before writing ours. 

https://www.adoptionassociates.net/birthparent/bp_waiting_families/index.php?id=422

We included family info,our relationship, our jobs, our home/neighborhood, traditions/holidays, and our hopes....those kinds of things.

lisanjay

We included about how we met. Where we lived throughout the years. Our jobs. Our faith in God. Our promise to her. Our promise to her child. We also included a paragraph about our childhood....this is what stuck with her.

crystalpopcorn

Mayday, I would be happy to show you ours too.  I'm not comfortable posting the link here (no idea why, considering it links to a public site), but PM me if you want it.

 

Alicia_22

We are working on ours now too! I'm including About Us, About me, & About DH. Then just an intro paragraph and conclusion paragraph. Our agency only wants it to be 1 - 1 1/2 pages so I can't put much more than that.

Go_Dawgs

I don't exactly have a dear birthmother letter as I'm not working with an agency, but I did create a website and profile book.  Here is what I included:

General thank you statement for reviewing our profile and a brief explanation of why we are pursuing adoption.

About Me (personality, activities, education, and what activities I look forward to doing with a child)

About DH (same info as above)

Our neighborhood

Description of our families

Shared interests and values (activities we do together, our religious beliefs and commitment to education). 

Our pets

A list of my favorite things (activities, books, movies, etc) and a list of DH's favorites.

Our promise to you (we promise to be loving, nurturing, provide opportunities for an excellent education and travel, etc)

I concluded with the poem "Legacy of an Adopted Child"

I think I'm probably out of the norm, but I really dislike that in most profiles and dear birthmother letters, people kind of gush about how much they respect the birth mom, that she's doing such an amazing thing, etc.  Personally, if I were a birth mother I would get tired of reading this over and over.  Also, sometimes too much of this doesn't seem genuine (IMO). 

I thanked the birth mom for reviewing our profile and expressed how excited we are to become first time parents.  At the end I stated, "Thank you for reviewing our profile to get to know about our lives and our heart for adoption.  We will be honored if you consider us to parent your little one."  I think the poem we included expresses how we feel about the decision she is making.  That's my hope at least.

 

MayDayGirl

I wrote about us and about each other in our profile books, so I'm not sure what that leaves to put in the letter...

hersheykiss

Go_Dawgs:

I think I'm probably out of the norm, but I really dislike that in most profiles and dear birthmother letters, people kind of gush about how much they respect the birth mom, that she's doing such an amazing thing, etc.  Personally, if I were a birth mother I would get tired of reading this over and over.  Also, sometimes too much of this doesn't seem genuine (IMO). 

I thanked the birth mom for reviewing our profile and expressed how excited we are to become first time parents.  At the end I stated, "Thank you for reviewing our profile to get to know about our lives and our heart for adoption.  We will be honored if you consider us to parent your little one."  I think the poem we included expresses how we feel about the decision she is making.  That's my hope at least.

I can vouch for this. While, I appreciated the adoptive families feeling for me and what I was going through...I did not want to read that in a letter. I wanted to know about YOU and your family. What you do for fun, where you go, if you travel, do you spend time with family, what you do for income, do you have pets, etc. When I say you I mean you and your spouse btw.

If you would like a BM perspective, I would be happy to read it later. Just let me know.

Kimmilou

Kimmilou:

hersheykiss:

Go_Dawgs:

I think I'm probably out of the norm, but I really dislike that in most profiles and dear birthmother letters, people kind of gush about how much they respect the birth mom, that she's doing such an amazing thing, etc.  Personally, if I were a birth mother I would get tired of reading this over and over.  Also, sometimes too much of this doesn't seem genuine (IMO). 

I thanked the birth mom for reviewing our profile and expressed how excited we are to become first time parents.  At the end I stated, "Thank you for reviewing our profile to get to know about our lives and our heart for adoption.  We will be honored if you consider us to parent your little one."  I think the poem we included expresses how we feel about the decision she is making.  That's my hope at least.

I can vouch for this. While, I appreciated the adoptive families feeling for me and what I was going through...I did not want to read that in a letter. I wanted to know about YOU and your family. What you do for fun, where you go, if you travel, do you spend time with family, what you do for income, do you have pets, etc. When I say you I mean you and your spouse btw.

If you would like a BM perspective, I would be happy to read it later. Just let me know.

 Sorry - not sure what happened before.  But, THANK YOU for posting this.  I have had this feeling for quite a while from reading some letters, but wasn't sure if I was wrong in feeling that way.  It just seems that everyone saying it over and over again is somehow less than genuine and patronizing.  We all are definitely more than grateful for the BMs and for what they are going through.  For me, I feel like it would be best to make a brief statement about how we know this is a difficult time and a difficult decision, and we appreciate the opportunity to give you a glimpse into who we are and what your child's life would be like with us.  I don't want it to seem as though we copied part of someone else's letter and are lost in a sea of other letters.

Don't get me wrong - I will definitely express gratitude because I do feel it deeply.  But for me, it feels more comfortable to do that in a setting where it couldn't be mis-interpreted.

BTW, my opinion was formed from reading some letters on our agency's site, not from anyone here.

hersheykiss

It is definitely not wrong to say, "Thank you for taking the time to look at our family. We know that this is a difficult time for you and want you to make the best decision for you and your little one. etc, etc." That I like. I just wouldn't say, "I know how you must be feeling..." The only way I would say that is if you have been a BM yourself.

Good luck with the letter. I am sure it will be great.

kmkaull

I sent you a PM