Should I feel guilty?

krissyh21

DS is in Nicu and has been now for a little over a week. We got the word that he will be home either Wednesday or Thursday if he continues to feed the way he has been the last 2 days.

So my visiting schedule has been that I go in for a few hours in the afternoon (Usually 11am - 4pm). I come home (I live 10 minutes away from hospital) eat dinner with H when he gets out of work then we both head in for a few hours (7-10pm).

So today the nurse says to me as I was leaving: "you should really try to spend the night to see what it is like for a more extended time, we have a pull out so you can sleep here"

Well I am not comfortable sleeping there. First off, you have to be buzzed in and out just to use the bathroom! That alone would bug me. Plus, I would get ZERO sleep and then be totally useless the day he does get to come home, at least at home I can get to sleep when D is napping. I already can imagine what it will be like 24/7, I do not need practice at it. 

So I said, basically no I am all set.

But now I feel guilty like I lost the good parent title. I know many of you do spend nights at the NICU and I commend you for it. I just can't do it. I need to unwind and just sitting there for 6 hours sometimes gets to me since there is not much to do in between the baby sleeping for 3 hours at a time. I LOVE when he is awake, I love changing his diaper and I love snuggle time, and feeding time. It is the down time in between I can not handle!

So should I feel bad? Because right now I do! 

 

clyoungsey

I was given the option to room in for a night, but it was only because he was such a quiet signaller that he went unnoticed and then they felt he was failing at "on demand" feeding.  So I was going to, but he made it unnecessary, when the light "clicked".  I was also told they encouraged it strongly for moms who needed help getting ready to take their LO home or BFing moms of multiples.  (This is true of our hospital, please don't think that I am knocking you...)

Dana127

Don't feel guilty! We did the whole sleepover thing and realized that it wasn't that helpful at all. It was a good experience but we didn't even have the girls in the same room as us. The nurse brought them to us when they woke up in the middle of the night.

It's better to be well rested and totally prepared for the baby then sleepover.

Good luck!

beachykeen1723

Our hospital only pushes it if your baby will be going home on oxygen or an apnea monitor, which makes sense.

If you want to feel better about yourself- take a look around. A good number of parents don't ever come...

krissyh21

beachykeen1723:

If you want to feel better about yourself- take a look around. A good number of parents don't ever come...

That is what my husband keeps saying to me, we hardly see anyone in the halls or parents room.  It still hurts me, I think I am slightly on the hormonal side and things like this get to me easily.

msalinardi@live.com

I don't think my hospital even offered it...we had such a huge NICU (well over 100 beds). You are already spending so much time there that I wouldn't feel guilty. I had a hard time spending more than 1-2 hours in the NICU at a time. Most of the moms here put me to shame!!!

jkipp82

we did, but it was in a separate room, much like a little hotel room. Even though I already felt very confident, it was a good experience - he was off all his monitors - so it really showed me how freaked out I was checking on him every 2 minutes...lol.  The annoying part was they called every 3 hours to see how he ate and to make sure his temp was ok.  In fact - we got there about 6pm and kept him til about 2 the next day (we actually would have taken him home with us then, but we had to leave him an extra day because my bro was getting married ...I couldn't miss my bros wedding, dh was in it...and couldn't bring lo with us due to germs...talk about the hardest thing ever...after 3 weeks I had to ask them to keep him an extra day!!)

meldoo2002

We never did one.  I knew that overnight stays were possible (they had overnight rooms .. I think 3 of them that could be singed out), but I was never asked if we wanted to do one.  I think because I was there from 8-2 everyday, went home for 2 hours, and was back from 5-9 every night they figured we'd be all set.  We also took the babies home separately so it wasn't like we needed to get used to 2 at a time right off the bat.  I think you need to do whatever you are comfortable with.  Not everyone does an overnight.

AFwife1106

No.. you shouldn't feel bad at all.  My hospital REQUIRED the rooming-in.  I was dreading it.  I got some hardcore issues from my bed rest there, I could probably be diagnosed with PTSD from it.. so the thought of having to go BACK and spend the night, even if it meant extra time with LO, was horrible.  I made DH go with me.  He had to take the night off work and it was a huge hassle.  I would not have been able to handle it if he wasn't there, luckily that night we had some cool nurses too so that helped a lot.  

So don't feel bad about not wanting to do it.  I would have rather stuck a pen in my eye.. repeatedly.  ha ha  

Now she has to do a sleep study, it's a different hospital but the thought of having to spend the night in a hospital again gives me a panic attack.  I was supposed to do it Friday and tried to call and reschedule but they never picked up.  They called this morning and it's rescheduled for tomorrow night.  Hopefully I can grow a pair and take her in tomorrow.   

borc0080

We never roomed in / slept at the hospital.  We lived about 20 minutes away and just visited most of the day every day.  However, DH's brother got married the day before DD came home.  We were about 2 hours away the entire day, which made me feel quite guilty, but DD did great. 

Bottom line: do whatever will make you feel more ready to bring your LO home.  For me, that would be sleep! 

Sweets2005

No! Don't feel guilty! My NICU suggested that new parents room in for the night before discharge to get used to the monitors, etc, but they suggested doing it 2 nights before. Unfortunetely we did it the night before discharge because they told us at the last minute that they were sending them home the next day and we didn't get any sleep and were totally exhausted on their first day home.

courtina

wow.  i never heard of that.  i feel guilty b/c i don't go up every day to see my boys ... i go every other day since they are in a hospital almost an hour and a half away ... 

i give you kudos for going as often as you do. 

ShanaNChris

Do not feel bad at all. I literally was at the hospital 24/7 and they ask us if we wanted to room-in and I had been dreading them asking us, bc my answer was going to be no. I had been on bedrest in that same hospital for 3 weeks on mag with a catheter, not even able to get up in pee, it was the same place I had my c/s, in which I experienced a seizure, that turned into a crash c/s, the same place I cried every night worrying about my cats - there was no way I was packing my bags and sleeping over there again. So, I said no, and the nurse thought we were there for enough cares that it didn't matter. Do not feel bad - you are doing enough.

nolachick11

krissy, don't feel guilty.  You spend a lot of quality time there already.  Mine hasn't offered that to me and I don't even know if they have that.  I visit mine two times a day also a few hours in the morning and two hours in the evening with DH when he gets off of work. When we were leaving tonight the nurse asked if we would be back again tonight, I told her no but then started to feel guilty as if I wonder if the nurses think thats not enough time.  But I know I do spend quality time with them but some of the nurses at mine I feel are just wierd. 

So don't feel bad and I hope he continues to do great and that he is home with you Wed or Thurs like you said!!!