*sigh* a case of the mondays

Ali05

I started fantasizing yesterday about how different things would be if Kevin had been a FT baby. It was triggered because my sister and her dd are flying in for a holiday visit. They?ll be here for a week and she wanted to know what I would be able to do with her because she?s knows Kevin is very limited with where we ?ll take him. It was just really hard because I?m trying to come up with fun stuff to do at the house. She wants to take Santa pictures her DD and Baby Kevin- I am just not ok with that. I do wonder if I'll regret capturing the christmas pics with the cousins. I feel awful because I still have so much resentment towards everything. I love DS of course but I just felt like a bad bitter person because I know it could be a lot worse. I have friends struggling with infertility, miscarriages etc so I should just be grateful for how blessed I am.

It?s like a bad after taste in my mouth that won?t go away! I am trying to stay positive and force a smile when I don?t feel like it because I just feel like a whiny 2 year old throwing a tantrum!

hmmm maybe I need some sleep and that will solve everything?  I just needed to vent because I know- I hope- someone else can relate to this.

ssg73

Oh I totally had that day last week!  I hate being that person but I just can't get that bad taste out of my mouth as well.  The straw that broke the camels back for me was when I read a friends blog that her son rolled over at 2 weeks old.  This followed a lack luster EI appointment where Ella just face planted every time we put her on her tummy.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and get rid of the feeling that I got cheated.  I have a wonderful family and yes things could be a lot worse but I still get that would of could of moments where I wish it all happened a little differently.  Hugs

Yes sleep always helps with this...oh and Ella smiling at me!

Could you go and buy some cool props to take a cousin picture with at the house.  I know it is not santa but perhaps that is a good comprimise.  Hope you feel better soon!

*Sweet pea*

I know we all can relate.  ((((hugs)))

Ali05

Thanks girls! It is hard because I hate being that person. Good idea...hmmm maybe I convince DH to dress up as Santa..lol off to figure out a way to manipulate DH

TriciaJoy

I love the idea of your DH dressing up.
I was really bummed last year because we didn't get to do the fun stuff. Then one of the NICU families that we stayed friends with hosting a preemie-friendly Santa experience. The grandpa dressed up as Santa and they invited all of us quarantined preemie parents over. It turned out really great.
They actually did the same thing this year, only no quarantine. Robbie sat on Santa's lap yesterday, actually.

And FWIW, I went through IF, 2 miscarriages and then along came Robbie.. I do know how lucky I am to have him. That doesn't mean that the crappy stuff isn't still crappy. Yes, it's good to count your blessings, but reality bites sometimes.