WWYD- need advice

mrsjami

It's a tradition in my family to use a baby nurse for a week or 2 after the baby is born (they help you get baby on schedule, help with breastfeeding issues and overall just help you out since you're exhausted). My mom generously gave us this as a gift. I know many of you have your moms come and stay with you and help out, unfortunately my mom just is of no help in that way (doesn't cook or clean and is not very good with infants). My MIL however is excellent with cooking/cleaning and babies and is planning to stay with us for a few weeks to help out. My issue is that I don't want to insult my mom and turn down her gift, however, I don't want both my MIL and a baby nurse in the house at the same time. MIL lives out of state and is planning to come in for the birth. I would hate to have her fly home while baby nurse is here and then have to come back. Should I just have baby nurse come after MIL leaves or does that defeat the purpose of the baby nurse? DH doesn't want baby nurse, but also doesn't want to insult my family. Thoughts?

MrsRebecca

I would have MIL come out after the baby nurse is gone.

KacieLeigh

Hm, tough call.  I would use the baby nurse first if she's going to help with BFing.  But definitely have MIL come sometime after the baby nurse leaves.  In my opinion, 4wks+ gets more difficult because they're awake a little more and needing more attention and you're still exhausted from lack of sleep before!  Ha! 

mrsjami

MrsRebecca:

I would have MIL come out after the baby nurse is gone.

 that would be ideal, but how can I have her miss the birth? I feel like I can't deny her that.

ecoppins

same here.

ecoppins

Is the birth scheduled? Are you planning on having MIL in the room? Lots of times people come in town hoping for the baby to arrive while they are there and end up going back home before the baby comes.

My ILs have planned on coming 2 weeks ish after the baby is due to make sure they actually meet the baby...

Of course, my ILs are not helpful in the least and drive me up a wall

murfygirl

MrsRebecca:

I would have MIL come out after the baby nurse is gone.

This.

I guess as far as the birth goes I feel differently I really don't want my MIL there and she would probably prefer to come out after LO is a few weeks old anyways.

grapeape73

I'm not a huge fan of baby nurses, but I understand the problem of not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.  If your MIL wants to be there for the birth then I would probably give her first dibs on coming when the baby is born.

I'm just not comfortable with a stranger in my house and around my new baby. 

mrsjami

No my birth is not planned and I'm not even sure how they are working their flight. DH is coordinating all of that, but obviously there is the potential that they will miss the birth. I guess even  if they miss the actual moment, they want to be here with us as soon as possible. I have a good relationship w/ my MIL so I'm happy for her to be here. Honestly if the baby nurse wasn't a gift, I would skip it altogether.

MrsRebecca

mrsjami:

MrsRebecca:

I would have MIL come out after the baby nurse is gone.

 that would be ideal, but how can I have her miss the birth? I feel like I can't deny her that.

Well, I'm not concerned with having our entire families there for the birth so I guess I didn't consider that.

If MIL must be there for the birth then have the baby nurse come after MIIL leaves. You don't have a lot of options here and I would make sure I'm not hurting my mom's feelings (re: the gift) over MIL's.

CKLee1107

How understanding would your mom be if you told her MIL would already be staying with you at that time and that an added person, even one as helpful as a baby nurse, would be more stressful than anything?  If you explained that your MIL was already offering help on the cleaning and other things and the only thing you'd really have use out of baby nurse would be the BFing help would this make it easier/more understanding?

I'd say the baby nurse after MIL would defeat the purpose unless you were having issues with BFing but that would need to get resolved sooner than later....

GL

KateLouise

mrsjami:

MrsRebecca:

I would have MIL come out after the baby nurse is gone.

 that would be ideal, but how can I have her miss the birth? I feel like I can't deny her that.

You get to do whatever is best for you and your family unit. No one else is owed the right to attend the birth of your baby.

MIL will understand, and if she doesn't, well it's not about her.

That is assuming you would prefer a baby nurse to your MIL. If you'd rather have your MIL then why not let your mum know. Again, it's not about other people's feelings, but what is best for you at this time.