I'm going to add my story.

sam19

I had a history of depression before getting pregnant. I was on medication but ended up having a miscarriage in June 08. My very convoluted mind decided that the reason for my miscarriage was because I was on medication (i now realize that this was not the cause of my miscarriage). Due to this I stopped taking my medication and became extremely depressed.

In January 08, I found out I was pregnant again. I decided not to go back on medication because I still felt as if it caused my previous m/c. I did extremely well with my depression during my pregnancy. I felt amazing and happy and finally felt normal. Because I felt like this during pregnancy I thought that I would do amazingly after Natalie was born. Me and my husband discussed the possibility of PPD but I sort of brushed it all off because I was feeling fine at the time.

I had Natalie Sept. 13th and had a very traumatic birth experience. My doctor told my mother and MIL that it was the most difficult C Section he had ever performed. The birth experience really didn't bother me at first and I had a great first week at home with Natalie.

Things started to get really bad around the two week mark. I started getting irritated by little things and frustrated any time Natalie would cry. I was having a difficult time with breastfeeding and would cry throughout the feedings. I started to cry more and had a few thoughts of hurting myself. I talked about this with my husband and he urged me to go to someone. I called my normal PCP and they told me theyw ouldn't be able to get me in for a whole month. All they did was call in the lowest dose of depression medication.

By three weeks, everything went to hell. I had previously had thoughts of hurting her or myself but one night I had almost acted on those thoughts. Natalie had been inconsolable for hours. It was 6 am and my husband was about to leave for work. Natalie was screaming and I picked her up and just about shook her while I screamed at her to shut up. I realized then that it wasn't safe for me to be alone with her. I took her out to my husband and we called my MIL. My MIL took Natalie and convinced me to check myself into the hospital.

Checking myself into the hospital was honestly the best thing I had ever done. I was in the hospital from Thursday morning to Sunday evening. The doctors there really helped me realize that this was not my fault, that I was not a bad mother. They talked me through my feelings and made me feel less alone. One of the things I will remember was when one social worker asked me why I was there. I told him that I wanted to hurt my daughter. He got really serious and said, "You did not want to hurt your daughter. Those thoughts were unwanted and intrusive. This is not something you wanted to do and is not your fault." And he is right. I never wanted to hurt my daughter.

While in the hospital I learned a few things about using my support system. We also talked about relaxation techniques and ways to cope with the stress. They also talked with my husband and gave him some ideas to help me out. I must say here that my husband was AMAZING throughout all of this. He said many times how proud he was of me for going to get help. My family also pulled together in many wayas to help me once I got out of the hospital. I also had a chance to set up medication and counseling sessions for once I was discharged.

I still struggle daily with my PPD. Some day are much worse then others. One of my big problems is remembering to take my medication. It is such an important thing but I've always been bad about medication. I've started taking it the same time that I give Natalie her medication and my husband asks me daily if I've taken it.

I'm sorry this is so long and I understand if nobody really reads it. If you do then I hope this helped you and I wish you good luck with your PPD. I believe that we can all get through this and will come out stronger then ever.

Rizzo5

I'm running out of work...but I read your story and

Rachel2315

Thanks for sharing.  I'm glad you found ways to rely on your support system!

SAMANTHAGP

I remember you posting on 0-3 and I am so glad to hear that things are getting better. I got butterflies in my stomach reading your story (and yes I read the whole thing). Some of your feelings are so similar to mine. Hopefully we can continue getting through this!

farrellashleigh

reading your story just makes me glad that we DO have systems in place to help us in these situations!! All we have to do is reach out, so glad you did and so glad it is getting better. One day at a time, that's all we can do!

TommysGirl56

Thank you for sharing this.  I am sorry you had to experience it, but it really helps to know that I am not alone in feeling so out of control.  I am glad you got help.  I think part of the feelings I have now are tied to my health issues during my pregnancy, and I can see some of that in your story, too.