I need to vent for a second

la79al

My DH is currently not speaking to me.  Why?  Because I told him I am not moving to FL for him to get a new job.  His side is that he hates his job (which I know he truly does and has for a long time), there is an 'easy to get' job in FL that is something he wants to do and he really likes to fish so living in FL he would be able to fish year round.  Oh, and his sister lives there so he has family in the area.  Not that he's asked, but my side is that my entire family, including 2 grandparents in not so great health that I see every other day and my mom that I see at least once a week, all live around here.  I have a handful of close friends, mostly because I don't like people that much, but I do need friends and I don't make them easily.  I don't like bugs, snakes, alligators, rain, hurricanes and humidity.  Oh, and DH has 2 other kids that live here and we get them 50% of the time.  He told me tonight that he doesn't understand why I am being so difficult.  I told him he wants me to move across the country because it's what he wants to do, but he won't stay here because it's what I want to do.  That's what got us to the not speaking part.  This might sound bad but maybe we would all be happier if he moved to FL and did his thing and DD and I moved in with some relatives and stayed here.  I really don't know how to compromise on this.  I feel like about the time I agree to move to FL, there will be some kind of crisis in my family ( I am currently cleaning my grandparents house and helping them out because they both had surgery and bad recoveries in the past 2 months).  I really dislike being on not speaking terms with my husband but I don't know how to solve this issue....

anna7602

I'm so sorry you're fighting about this. Relocation fights suuuck. I've been there many, many times and the sad part is that once we've up and moved and refashioned our whole lives, it's just a matter of time before the next relocation discussion begins. (DH and I are on our 4th city together.)

No one ever really "wins" (unless you both really want to move), but you can come around to discussing the issue respectfully and with the ability to see the other person's point of view and not letting conversations degenerate into blaming, etc. Try to sympathize with DH about how much he doesn't like his job and any other sacrifices he is making by being this far from his family and then very calmly lay out your points- again and again and again, if necessary. And talk about whether there's anything that can be done to make him happier living where you already are, whether that be looking for a new job, quitting his current job before finding another one, giving him a free weekend time to go on a fishing trip to FL, etc.

And, FWIW, I lived in FL for 2 years and couldn't get away fast enough (even with family nearby and some really great friends from college there). Being evacuated during hurricane season is no fun. I much prefer the state now that I only go there on vacation.

mlc92404

I'm kinda where you are.  DH needs to find a new job, his is not stable.  I was totally against moving, all my family and friends are here and its hard for me to make friends.  The hard part is there is no work around here for DH and even if there was he couldn't keep doing what he does because the owner of his company is an a$$ and has a nasty non compete clause and would ultimatly end up in a lawsuit.  We have come to the compromise that he will look for a job away from here but my stipulation/compromise is that we have to stay within 3 to 4 hours drive from where we live now and all our family is.  This give DH at least 4 big cities to look at. 

Your DH should be happy he has a job.  I understand and agree that you have to be happy with your work but being unhappy is no reason to up root the entire family. 

la79al

DHs entire family, except his sister, is here.  But he's not really a family person (as evidenced by his willingness to move away from his kids) so that doesn't matter to him.  He is currently going to school and the original plan was that he does nothing until the spring, then reevaluate the job situation around here and apply to more stuff here.  Now he has it in his head that he wants to do this FL thing and that means that he wants to do it NOW.  He has a tendency to do things without thinking them through the whole way or listening to anyone else and that is part of the situation that is driving me crazy.  He is one of those people that will cut off his nose to spite his face.  Even if there is stuff that can be done to make it more tolerable here, he will claim that there is nothing and only moving to FL will make things better.  There is no middle ground. 

la79al

mlc92404:

  

Your DH should be happy he has a job.  I understand and agree that you have to be happy with your work but being unhappy is no reason to up root the entire family. 

I've tried telling him how lucky he is to have a job right now.  He comes back with asking me whether I want another baby and telling me I should be happy that I have one.  I don't think I would be as against moving if it would not require an airplane ride to return to my family. 

anna7602

la79al:

mlc92404:

  

Your DH should be happy he has a job.  I understand and agree that you have to be happy with your work but being unhappy is no reason to up root the entire family. 

I've tried telling him how lucky he is to have a job right now.  He comes back with asking me whether I want another baby and telling me I should be happy that I have one.  I don't think I would be as against moving if it would not require an airplane ride to return to my family. 

I'm sorry you can't reason with him. The plane rides to see family are expensive, too, if that helps your case at all. And last time I checked, the job market in FL wasn't all that great. Does your DH realize that tons of people move there thinking life in the sunshine will suddenly make all of their problems go away? It's not as easy as he thinks.