TTC after 35

Well, today I heard it during my GYN apt

"Fertility issues."

It stings.

Blood tests have been ordered.

But I don't really want to go through all this and learn that I might not be able to have children.

How come I feel like I'll be one of *those women* who just can't have kids?  It's this gut feeling (And using the term *those women* is not intended to stir up anything with anyone on this board. 'Cause seriously, it's all about me right now and this is the only place I feel that I can vent).

Is this what I (us) get for waiting so long? Waiting until I (we) took care of my (our) selfish wants and needs before wanting to bring a child into my (our) life?

We went into this with the whole fun loving "whatever happens, happens" mentality. And when it didn't happen after a year and a half, it stopped being fun. The house is starting to feel empty. The holidays don't seem so fun to either of us this  year. And I REALLY don't want to go to the Christmas family gathering where everyone coos and makes a big deal about the toddler in the 'fam.

I'm feel like I'm starting to turn into a bitter barren woman. And I don't like it.

Re: Well, today I heard it during my GYN apt

  • Crying  IMHO going to the RE was the best thing I could have done.  At first I felt like a failure but, once I got answers and a plan, I was on cloud nine.  I hope this is the case for you as well.

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  • Thanks for the encouragement........what's the RE?
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  • I do not know how old you are, but as a woman who found her and her husband's fert issues out in her early 30s, I know that there is no time to waste for many of us. I would def seek out an RE. I would also not give into the neg thoughts and feelings about waiting and about how you are destined to be barren. I did it, its useless. And at the end of a long road it worked out. I wish you the best!
  • Thanks Caityr. I know I'm being negative and bitter. But I suspect I'll get over this.

    I'm 36, he's 38, and while I don't feel old, I guess my ovaries are.

    It could just be a wrong timing thing with ovulation. She suggested that I start the OPKs as early as day 7 and continue until I get my period (my cycle is typically 32-35 days), and that I might ovulate earlier or much later than expected. And that it would be good to get the blood work to check thyroid function and rule out possible PCOS. (when I heard PCOS that really scarred me).

    Again, I'm not sure what an RE is....

  • RE is Reproductive Endocrinologist - a doctor who specializes in fertility issues. 

    Everyone is different but depending on what your issues are - with your dh or with your body, some things are easier to overcome than others.  The thing is- once you know what the issue is, you can deal with it.  Not knowing in some ways is harder than not knowing.

    As for age, yes, it is harder as you get older.  But I got pregnant at 39.  My best friends just had babies at 41 and 42.  So it does happen for many women.  There are a lot of up and down emotions in fertility treatments but just know everyone is here for you.

    3 IUI's and 2 IVF's later- Brady arrived. Born at 36 weeks after PUPPS and pre-e/HELLP.
    IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image

  • I agree - the RE is way more positive than the OBGYN.  If you are over 35, after 6 mos of trying, usually it is recommended to see one.  They will do all the testing and find out if you have issue or if it's unexplained infertility. 
  • Although some women on IF would disagree, PCOS is not a kiss of death. Gimme PCOS any day over my high fsh diagnosis. Def seek out a specialist, and the thyroid could be a real factor. There are women on IF who have gotten that one thing straightened out and poof, preg on their own.
  • I do have to agree that getting a diagnosis and having a plan will help you feel better.

    Good luck - we'll be here for you:)

  • Goodluck to you and I hope it's not PCOS.
  • I understand how you feel.  I keep looking at each holiday as next year, will I have a little one to share it with?  And then my much younger friend gets pregnant and they weren't "trying."  

    We have only been trying 6 months and just went to the RE.  We are both 37.  I am so glad I did, though I am not happy with the outcome.  I have high FSH with MFI, so IVF with ICSI is our only option.  And the odds aren't great for us.

    But at least we know and we aren't wasting anymore time. 

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  • Thank you so much for your help and support, ladies.

    I'm calling to schedule my appointment tomorrow. Hoping to get in at the end of the week.

  • imageSpinFreak13:

    Is this what I (us) get for waiting so long? Waiting until I (we) took care of my (our) selfish wants and needs before wanting to bring a child into my (our) life?

    Most likely's hard to say. But, try not to put yourself through that. We never know if we can get pregnant until we try. And, I know that makes NO sense when you think about all the "accidents". I know exactly how you feel about winging it for a year + to see what happens. For some of us, it requires the most perfect of timing (and even then, it still may not take).

    It's good to see what page you are try to be patient with the tests. If you have 32+ day cycles, you may not be ovulating until day 18 or so. 

    Good luck to you and your DH. 


  • Please don't take this the wrong way, because I know how frustrating and devastating this process can be, and it's great to have someplace to come and vent about it.

    You're still very early in your diagnosis portion of the journey, and there are many "easy fixes" that may be applicable. I know it's difficult, but trying to remain positive at this stage will help you immensely. If and when you get a diagnosis, it's still not the end of the road. There are so many options out there.

    GL, and I agree that moving straight to an RE could save you invaluable time in this process.

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  • Just wanted to wish you luck. This is a difficult journey and I agree with the other ladies about seeing an RE.?
    TTC since 3/08 DOR, High FSH, Hypothyroid, Uterine Polyps, blocked tube, MFI, 5 rounds of clomid, 5 IVF attempts, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 natural conceptions=2 losses (Methotrexate, D&C) Successful DE cycle twins born 10/7/11 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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