I get tired of doing the right thing and being the bigger person...

ScrapMama

The past 4.5 months have been hell on earth for me and my family. My son's father (my ex-dh) was killed in Afghanistan on July 8th. I was still very close with my ex. Despite our divorce, we remained very close and had a bond that just couldn't be broken. His death has devasted me beyond anything I have ever know, beyond any words I could ever put together.

His mom & I get along very well, but his dad is another story. He is a mean, angry, bitter, selfish man that lies, he is an alcoholic, etc. He has blamed me for Greg's death, saying that if I hadn't "made" Greg pay child support ::insert eyeroll:: then Greg would have never re-enlisted, therefore never been killed. Thanks. That's just great. He then told the news (CNN mind you) that if Jack hadn't needed health insurance then Greg wouldn't have re-enlisted, therefore never been killed. Of course he didn't check his facts, Jack never needed health insurance because he has been on my coverage since he was 2 yrs old.

Greg's parents received his life insurance money and death gratuity money, and I won't get into specifics but it is an unbelievable amount of money. Greg instructed his parents to put the money into a trust for Jack for when he turns 25 yrs old. Greg's mom has followed her son's wishes and I am so grateful. His dad has bought himself and his girlfriend brand new matching SUV's (2 weeks after we buried Greg), done remodeling on his condo, and went on vacation.

He rants and tells people that he never gets to see Jack, but he makes no effort to see him. The only time he see's him is when I call him and say "Hey I am going to be out and about near your place, would you like to see Jack?" So basically, when I am willing to drive the 45 minutes to him.

So last night his girlfriend (who I actually really like, she has no idea what kind of a man she is with) contacted me late (like 11pm) and asked me if they could take Jack to the circus today. I agreed. I drove and met up with them and let them take Jack to the circus and it was all I could do not to SCREAM as I watched them drive away in their matching SUV's that Greg's blood money bought.

I am so tired of doing the right thing and being the bigger person. I do it for Jack because no matter what, that man is still his grandpa and one of the only links left to his daddy. I want to scream at him!!!!!

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Carry on.

WishLuckyStar

oh my goodness, I am so so sorry for you and your son's loss. You're doing the right thing for your son by making such an effort, I'm sorry his grandpa is such a tool.  Best wishes.

MrsTechie

I'm sorry for your loss.

As for the grandfather... rant as much as you need to. I hope that this man is different with your son than he is with you. Children pick up so much and I would hate for this man's animosity come even remotely close to your son. Your son should grow up to be proud of his daddy and come to know (eventually) why he died. And it's NOT because of health insurance.

People react so differently to a loss. I'm an ex-Army wife myself and the reactions to deaths were so broad. People come up with crazy stories to tell themselves and to find a way to blame. It's not healthy.

MrsAmyB

What a heartbreaking story.  I would so love to tell you to never let Jack see his grandfather again...but my morals tell me not to.  You are doing the right thing, as hard as it is. 

You can't reason with alcoholics. In an ideal world you could tell him off and let him know his actions are unacceptable and he better change for the sake of Jack.  But...it doesn't work that way with them.  For the sake a Jack, I hope the girlfriend sticks with grandpa.  She sounds like she is a good person.

ScrapMama

I know he needs someone to blame, and blaming me is a hell of a lot easier than blaming the Taliban, but it tears me down! I try and remember the pain he is in and I can only imagine what I would be doing or saying right now if it were my child I lost. Hell, I know how I've acted and responded the past 4 months and it was my ex.

I will say that when he is around Jack he seems to really love on him and play with him and enjoy being with him, so I really keep that in mind. It is just so hard...

chickpea912

::hugs::

I can't imagine how hard all of this is for you, and I commend you for your efforts to do the right thing whenever you can.  I know Jack will learn so much from you - keep that close to you through all of this.

ScrapMama

His girlfriend is a really nice lady and I really like her. Today she was like "oh Brooke thank you so much for letting us spend time with Jack and take him to the circus, we really appreciate it!" Meanwhile he doesn't even say 2 words to me or acknowledge that I rearranged our plans to accommodate them (even though he knew I had to move things around).

I have known this man for 7 years. She has known him about 1 yr. She will figure it out and leave him just like the other 4 before her have done in the past 7 years I've known him. I hope she can help him and help turn his life around.

ohashlet

I am so, so sorry!!

healthyhappybaby

I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry you have to deal with such a difficult person. You seem like an amazing person and you are doing the right thing for your son. Keep doing what you're doing and you can can vent as often as you need to. :-)

Mrs_JAMY

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time love!

renafaith

(((HUGS))) to you. I'm so sorry for you and your son's loss.

I personally don't know how I could trust this man not to bad mouth me in front of my son, so I don't know that I could be as big a person as you. No matter what the situation, people are always going to find somebody else to blame. He should also be careful what he says in front of you son because your son could eventually blame you or even himself (in the case of Daddy going to war to pay for his health insurance). I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of your loss, but you are doing the right thing by letting your son get to know him. That way, he can grow up and (hopefully) be able to make his own decision about grandpa without resenting you for not letting him be around him.