Brought up TTC again with DH (long)....

Court1

DH and I had a long, tearful chat last night about the sad events of the last week.  This would have been our second (and last) baby, and we wanted our DS to have a sibling close in age.  While I am not ready to jump right back on the TTC wagon, I don't want to wait too long.  As long as we get the go ahead from the ob, I'd like to start after the first of the year. 

My DH said he doesn't even want to discuss the details of another child.  He feels that this baby was already a part of our family (as do I), and that getting pregnant again soon would be like trying to replace this baby.  It made me feel sad & selfish for already considering TTC, but it's reality that we're going to get there soon.  Has anyone had a similiar situation?  I might add that DH has been super supportive, and overall this horrible experience has brought us closer.  I just don't want the issue of moving on to cause tension.  I also know that this wound is very raw & new, and maybe in a few weeks he'll be in a different mindset.

swanck

It's odd how husbands and wives deal with loss like this differently.  I am sure that with time he will come around.

Hang in there!

heathergirl67

Court1:

 I also know that this wound is very raw & new, and maybe in a few weeks he'll be in a different mindset.

This.  I'm guessing that you'll be waiting until after AF to try again?  That will give you a few weeks.  I say don't even bring up TTC until then.  Maybe even wait an extra month if you feel like he's still really devestated.  When it feels like life is more back to normal is when I'd discuss it again.  I think men want to protect everyone, including themselves, from pain and the way they see doing that is to just stop anything that could potentially cause pain.  Give him a little while to heal, but don't bring it up until then.  That's what I'd do, at least.  HTH!

Mrs.Kristen

Dh wanted to wait two years by the end of the discussion he was down to a year of waiting (I had a little bit of a fit when he said two years). I like you want my children to be close in age. We have a two year old. I waited a few days and the topic came up again which at the end up the covo we would wait 6 months. A few days later again it came up and I made it a point that i'm not going to push him. He wanted to wait five years between DS and this last pregnancy and he ended up changing his mind about 18 months later. So I let him know that i'm not pushing and won't talk about it anymore but that I don't want to wait longer then 6 months...since that last convo he has done nothing to prevent pregnancy again. I won't bring that point up to him because i'm not looking to push my luck with him either. I think men and women look at it differently. Like your H he thought i was trying to replace our little girl and I didn't see it that way. My advice is you wanted to wait till after the first to ttc again don't bring it up till then time and family may change his outlook on ttc by then.

TravelinMama

After my second loss, dh wanted to wait the minimum one cycle, but really didn't want to start trying again till after three.  Fortunetly / unfortunetly we got KU before my first AF came.  After that m/c we had to wait a minimum of three cycles, dh was ready to go again before the end of the third.