s/o people asking if you're TTC

boxermama24

I find it equally irritating when I hear people talking about other family members trying to get pregnant.  Now that my sister is married, my mom is constantly saying things like, "well, your sister will likely get pregnant this year and so she really wants to figure out a different job situation" or "my friend K is probably going to retire after this year of teaching because E (her daughter) is going to work on a baby this summer." I overheard my aunt talking to my sister at Thanksgiving as they were looking at pictures of our baby cousins and she said, "you need to have at least one or two, they're so much fun."

Call me a Debbie Downer, but I find it so fvcking frustrating when these conversations take place.  I remember how exciting it USED to be to talk about these things, but now it just pisses me off.  And it's not fair to them because they don't have miscarriages in their experiences to cause them to feel worried about TTC and wondering if they'll be able to achieve/hold a pregnancy like I worry about.  They should be able to be excited about it. 

But I just don't understand how people talk about it like it's so matter-of-fact that thisperson and thisperson will be having a baby within the next year.

And they don't get how it crushes other people who hear comments like that.

Emie28

I think it's b/c most people don't worry about IF or miscarriages b/c it is outside their realm of experiences. I found it difficult to hear about all the baby talk and all my friends getting pregnant while I struggled for 2 years. However, I wouldn't expect anyone to tiptoe around me or not talk as they normally would b/c most of them had no idea.

GBCK

Really though...it's NOT outside the realm of experience.

It's just that people don't share the experience.

I mean, what, 1 in 10 pregnancies before 3 months ends in miscarriage?  and 1 in 10 couples deals w/ IF?  So...basically you can't know 10 people and NOT have IF and MC be a part of your life experiences...it's just that our culture makes it super-duper-taboo to deal w/ it in any way that cluses people in to it.

boxermama24

Oh, don't be mistaken.  I totally understand these conversations exist and said in my OP that it's their right to be excited about future plans, etc.  I was just spinning off a previous post about feeling hurt when these types of conversations take place.  And I do - I generally walk away and just take it with a grain of salt.  No one is trying to hurt my feelings, I understand that.  It doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

boxermama24

GBCK:

Really though...it's NOT outside the realm of experience.

It's just that people don't share the experience.

I mean, what, 1 in 10 pregnancies before 3 months ends in miscarriage?  and 1 in 10 couples deals w/ IF?  So...basically you can't know 10 people and NOT have IF and MC be a part of your life experiences...it's just that our culture makes it super-duper-taboo to deal w/ it in any way that cluses people in to it.

Yeah, I do know many people that have had issues with pregnancy IRL which is why it's sometimes harder to understand why people aren't as sensitive around other people.  But I can't expect them to be and I don't expect them to be.  It's just frustrating sometimes especially when the whole family is together around the holidays.  My mother, for example, is the one that bothers me most.  She knows firsthand what I've gone through and sat and cried her eyes out with me, but now goes on to talk about pregnancy like it's easy as pie (in reference to my sister).  She also thinks Clomid is going to be my miracle drug and will solve all my problems.  Perhaps I just get pissy when people are happy, LOL.  At least it seems that way today, hah.