Is it ever going to get better?

Mrs. K in TX

It's been a month since my miscarriage.  I was about 4 weeks along.  This is an estimation based on residual HCG levels.  I didn't even know I was pregnant.

I blame myself for not taking a pregnancy test earlier, for taking ibuprofen when I had the flu at the beginning of October, for not going to the doctor when I spotted for a few weeks (I didn't think anything of it because it happens sometimes with my PCOS).  My doctor tells me that nothing I did caused this and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it.  He tries to make me feel better by giving me the statistics of early pregnancy loss, but it doesn't help. 

Some days are better than others.  Yesterday, I set out on a mission to cook Thanksgiving dinner for me and my husband, and that kept my mind off things.  But the two days before that and today haven't been so good.  I am angry at myself.  I am mad at God for letting this happen.  I can't think straight half the time. Sometimes I feel exactly like I did when I found out- like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, like I can't breathe, and the pain is so bad that I feel like I am going to die. 

My husband thinks it is getting better because I am having more good days now, but I just don't know.  I can't stand it sometimes.  I don't know how I'm going to live with this pain for the rest of my life.

pepomntpat

It will get better with time.  I am having a bad day myself today.  {{hugs}}

Swede25

It will get better.  With my first loss (a chemical pregnancy right at 4 weeks) it took me about a month or so to start feeling better.  With my 2nd, it took me several months. I found out at the end of July and have only felt peace about it and more like myself since the beginning of the month.  One day I just woke up and felt different.  I knew I couldn't force myself to feel better, that it just had to happen when I was ready.

crystalknpp

Im so sorry for your loss. I completely understand how your feeling. Yesterday and today were bad days for me. My friends baby shower is tomorrow and I think that's why I've been extra sensitive and emotional. I find that I can't seem to stop thinking "I should be 12 weeks tomorrow". Everyday is different. Sometimes I have days where the idea of being able to TTC again in January gives me something to look forward to and I'm happy and then I have other days where I'm mad at the world and just want someone...anyone to blame for my loss. How your feeling is completely normal and will get easier with time. (((HUGS)))

sn0216

My story is similar to yours I too didn't know I was pregnant (I was 6 weeks). I did how ever take a test and it came back negative and started to spot the next day and did for 2 weeks then of all days my wedding day I started to bleed real heavy a couple days later is when we found out what was going on and my heart has been broken ever since and its been six weeks.  I blame my self for painting at work with oil paint, for believing a test over my body ( I always think if I had known I would have gone to the hospital sooner), but we can't blame our selves we have enough to deal with.  I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you are feeling and I am sorry you had to go though this too.  I don't think this is something we can get over but I find that talking about it helps.  I have told more people then I thought I would and that seems to really help me to being to heal, I still cry a lot.  Take care of your self.

Scout05

I'm so sorry. I know it seems like it will never get better, and honestly, I still have really hard days. But you will move forward, and soon the good days will outnumber the bad. Just be kind and patient with yourself - it just takes time, a lot of it.

Mrs. K in TX

Thanks for the encouraging words, everyone.  I know it is actually getting better.  I DO have more good days now.  But it has been very hard.

We have some friends coming over tonight for game night.  Hopefully that'll help take my mind off of things.

chaywardvt

I am so sorry for your loss.  I am experiencing my first and never thought it would be so hard.  Take Care.

MrsNJTiger

I am so sorry, this is such a horrible experience

Lissa832

It will get better with time.  With my first m/c, I did the same thing.  I wondered what I did to cause it, and I was so angry with God for taking my baby away.  It is something that you will never "get over", but it is something you will learn to live with.