Having a bad day

pavbride

I have been a wreck today. I?ve been teary eyed at my desk all day. I seriously don?t know how I have been functioning since the m/c. I hate my job and have only stuck it out here because I have been trying to get pg. In Canada we get a year off for mat leave. I didn?t want to get a new job and then be off for a year. Plus I didn?t want to just quit because that would be like missing out on $30K worth of EI I have been paying into since I started working. I didn?t think it would have taken us so long. I could have found a new job.

 

Finally after 8 months of trying I get pg. Last Sunday I had my m/c at a family function. Yesterday (1 week anniversary of my m/c) we had another family function. I knew I shouldn?t have gone. I knew it was going to be hard. It was awful. My son was difficult at the restaurant. He is usually really good but he was without a nap. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I felt like all of my husband?s family was judging me. His uncle actually told me that is how kids are and I should suck it up. Not something you want to hear normally but I have been pretty sensitive lately. I know how kids are jack@ss! Then one of the employees at the restaurant told me to keep my kid quiet because it was a restaurant. Firstly, I was trying hard to keep him quiet. Secondly other than our party there were only 2 tables with guests (not that it really makes a difference but still). Lastly, the only reason why he was acting up was because our 3 yr old nephew was encouraging him and my BIL and SIL basically just abandoned him with me. I couldn't handle all the new babies and seeing my hubby's cousin who is pg the same amount of time I would have been. I couldn?t take it any longer and we left during dessert. I cried all the way home. The hour drive was pretty quiet.

 

So today I am having visions of just quitting my job and walking out. I just don?t want to be here. Yesterday really got me down. Then today on another message board I am on, a girl with twins started going into labour. She is not even 30 weeks. I am so upset about it. Like devastated. I got an email from a friend asking how I am doing. Why did that make me upset? My husband has called me twice today to see how I am. Again, upset. I really appreciate the concern. I just don?t want this situation to be real. I don?t think I can handle another 8 months of trying and sticking with this crap job. And I couldn?t handle another m/c.

 

 

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I don't have any words of wisdom, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.  This is such a crappy situation to be in--it seems like the only thing I want to do sometimes is to crawl into a big hole, and having to deal with people (even those who care about me so much) is the worst.  Can you take some vacation time to just chill away from work for a while?  {{hugs}}

pepomntpat

I am so sorry for your loss.  {{hugs}}  Please know that you are not alone.

MaryYVR

Oh I'm so sorry.  When it rains, it pours and feels like nothing is going right.  I hope you can get a few hours to yourself so you can grieve, cry, sleep or just do anything to help you feel better.  My Dr prescribed Ativan for me and it's been a lifesaver to help me get a solid sleep.

Sending ((HUGS)) your way from one Canadian to another.