I am just here to vent or something...

jesseandbri

I want to cry and scream and blame someone, anyone, something for what I am going through.  It has been 5 weeks and I still don't feel like I am dealing with it.  I need to cry, I need to let all of my anger out but I can't vocalize anything.  All I can do is come here and complain and then tell everyone I am ok.  While this works for some it seems to be my way of keeping my "game face" on while away from this board.  I need to deal and grieve yet for some reason I am not letting myself.  I finally stopped bleeding this weekend... I was so done with that!!!

I keep saying that 2010 is my year but unless I deal and grieve this last loss I don't think a change of the calendar is going to make my life "better".  My H is so upset, he hates when I head to bed at night and start crying.  It only lasts a minute or two and then he wants to know what is wrong.  I just keep saying the same thing over and over, I am just upset about the baby/miscarriage.  It is always the same story just another day. 

I am sleeping much more and working much more as well, I feel depression setting in and this is how I keep pushing it away.  My H told me last night that he misses me and feels like I haven't been around the last week or so.  Poor guy, I have been there I just haven't "been there".

611bride05

I am so sorry you are going through this- and I wish I had something to make you feel better.  But unfortunately I think we all feel like this from time to time, and it is totally normal.  Lean on your hubby- it sounds like he is a great guy.  I get like this too- I tell everyone that I am fine but inside I am screaming, it is so awful.

I hope 2010 is your year, and you are able to enjoy the holidays!  Take care,

pepomntpat

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time.  {{hugs}}

Have you thought about counseling?  Journaling?  The grief counselor I talked to suggested journaling as a way to let the grief out in a constructive way.

RNCCRN9706

I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way

jesseandbri

pepomntpat:

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time.  {{hugs}}

Have you thought about counseling?  Journaling?  The grief counselor I talked to suggested journaling as a way to let the grief out in a constructive way.

I actually am thinking about counseling but I don't know who to go to.  I feel like I should be able to just move on at this point.  I am thinking about calling my OBGYN to see if they have a suggestion.

pepomntpat

I actually started out with the chaplain at the hospital where I had my D&E. She was recommended by my OB's office.  It was nice to have someone to talk to while waiting for our regularly scheduled therapist appointment.

 I know how hard it is to find  someone.  When I was suffering from depression a few years ago I was so down I didn't have the energy to research who to call.  DH did it for me. I ended up not sticking with the person he set me up with, but it got me started and to the point where I could shop around some more for someone I really clicked with.

Would your DH be willing to help get the ball rolling?

jesseandbri

He is more than willing, which is really nice.  I guess I just need to give him the "ok" to do so.  I am totally not the type of person to ask for or admit to needing help so it is very hard to give him the "ok". 

Thank you girls!!

futureAlexander

I would see someone who is a family counselor and supports healthy marriages.. I know it sounds broad, but theres a lot of counselors out there who support divorce and such... you love your husband and he loves you, and he needs his sexy loving wife back!!! So you do what u need to do girl, ur hubby is there for you- but if that means to talk to someone and make u better, then thats what u have to do... My husband and I just suffered a m/c yesterday and were devistated because we had been trying for 9 months and were finally pregnant!!! I was 5 weeks along and was starting to feel pregnant, was starting to get rooms in the house all together, just to have it flushed down the toilet in minutes... I feel your pain and am so sorry for your loss