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Parenting
Jodi, this is going to be flammable AND potentially painful.
But I have to say it.
I think you need to leave your husband. I think you bring out the worst in each other, and I think you know it. I don't think there is anything worth saving in your marriage from what you put out here- it sounds like a prison.
I can not imagine being treated the way that he treats you- and I imagine in return you treat him just as badly- its a vicious cycle and it sounds exhausting and unhealthy.
there is no respect!
the sooner you do it the better.
I really online like you- a LOAD. I want to see you evolve into the happy smart incredible woman you are hiding inside of yourself.
ETA: you always say that you advocate being as happy in this life as possible- and yet you are settling into this life in a twisted gross imitation of a marriage- don't you wonder what its like to give and get respect, and be loved with minimal conditions?
do you not believe you could be happier?
do you think you're setting joey and cam up to have health and sucess in relationships?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Jodi, this is going to be flammable AND potentially painful.
Usually I wouldn't agree w/ this, or I would keep my mouth [fingers] shut.
However, I really think what you posted below sounds like a toxic situation for the kids - him saying he won't go on vacay and letting Cam cry about it? That's HORRIBLE and makes him sound like a manipulative jackass. Who does that to a 3 year old? It just sounds so controlling and emotionally abusive.
I typically think, whatever you fight w/ your husband, I'd maybe do something different than you, but it usually seems like the kids aren't really involved, so I don't really think too much of it. But it's got to be hard for them to be in the middle of this situation.
If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them.
Hey Purrf!
I love that new baby (my 2.5 y/o doesn't have that much hair yet!!)
I disagree- I think it is fair to tell her what I think BECAUSE I online know and love her.
She doesn't have to defend ANYTHING to me. but Im not going to not say what I truly think.
she has a lot of value as a person, and I don't feel like she acknowledges it.
she can take this post and set it on fire, or she can think about it...totally up to her.
I announced someone's false BFP?
huh?
sorry for crossing the lines, bebe...
A BFP that isn't real DUH!!!
Probably could have sent a PM rather than a public page, granted she talks openly of the situation, but still...
You know I'm thinking about it.
And I don't mind --- at all. Seriously, this is part of the problem with me. And this is why we get in this vicious cycle. As I told Joe tonight, if he said what he said to ANY OTHER WOMAN, they would tell him to FUCKOFF and get out!
Why I don't do that, I don't know?! It's like I have something to prove. I know it ALL goes back to my dad --- and I know that I have HUGE guilt for blaming my dad (who was the obvious blamee since he was an abusive alcoholic) when really, my MOM was the one who pushed his buttons. And 99% of the time, on purpose. She is one of the most infuriating people I've ever met --- and she let us blame him all those years. Actually encouraged it, played the victim, whatever.
I'm trying to balance "giving Joe the chance" and being the "cool wife" with setting a good example for my kids. Just when I think "that is IT!" I find myself thinking --- well, this happens about 6 times a year. Maybe once every other month. And the time in between, not bad. Actually, a lot of good. So do I leave, get a divorce for 6 times a year?! If he was hitting me, the easy answer would be yes. But it's not that easy. At least, again, for me, it's not.
I don't know. I really don't. What I keep in the back of my head is that my therapist even told him, "Joe, you do realize that if you did this to any other woman, she would tell you to FUCKOFF!" (and she is right).
So maybe I don't feel worth it?! Maybe I'm afraid of leaving? Maybe I'm afraid of ROCKING my kids' world right now? On the surface, we are the perfect little family. Sure, those closest to us (my family, friends, maybe even his family....and of course, BOF and the Nest!) know that isn't true.
What will make me finally leave? Not sure. But I'm not far from it right now.
I actually HOPE he doesn't go with us to Disney --- and I hope he is moved out when I get home.
And that, right there, is it. Neither of us has the balls to make the first step. I can almost guarantee that he wants a divorce just as much as I do --- on these off days -- but neither of us will make the move.
this crossed my mind----but then I thought the support of everyone else ( whom I wrongly assumed would agree with me) would be beneficial and then we'd all have a jodi support and love fest.
that was my true intent with this.
I stand by it.
Jodi- I adore you. please know that- and I appreciate your candor all the time- you help me keep perspective OFTEN.
you deserve a lot, you are worth a lot, andgirl (deep down) you know its true (wait that isn't NKOTB...its...milli vanilli?)
wasn't that BM? Anyway, thanks! Yes, she has a ton of hair. It's quite the conversation-starter:)
As for the iffy marriage of Jodi&Joe...I understand that she puts it all out there for us to speculate on, but it still sits wrong with me to write a post like this to her. You know she'll feel the need to explain/defend/etc. and you obviously think they're all bullshit, so why give her the opportunity to rationalize her relationship? It just seems unnecessary and mean.
wasn't that BM? Anyway, thanks! Yes, she has a ton of hair. It's quite the conversation-starter:)
As for the iffy marriage of Jodi&Joe...I understand that she puts it all out there for us to speculate on, but it still sits wrong with me to write a post like this to her. You know she'll feel the need to explain/defend/etc. and you obviously think it's all bullshit, so why give her the opportunity to rationalize her relationship? It just seems unnecessary and mean.
Why why why does hearing stuff like this....
"you deserve a lot, you are worth a lot, andgirl (deep down) you know its true (wait that isn't NKOTB...its...milli vanilli?)"
make me cry!? (Ok, the NKOTB/Milli Vanilla part made me laugh --- now I'm crying).
WHY!?
Why is it that someone line could feel that way about me, yet I don't feel like my husband treats me that way AT ALL.
You know what I fear --- I fear that I really am delusional. And that he is right --- and that he does treat me right and I just don't see it (contort it?!)!!! That's what I'm afraid of. I need that outsider reassurance to know that he really does treat me like ***?!?!?!
Weighing in on whether this should have been posted - I think if it were someone who likes to startshit, isn't friendly with Jodi and had malintent, I would agree w/ the naysayers.
However, BOF does this from a place of caring about Jodi and doesn't mean it to be mean to her.
Anyway, Jodi, I hope something changes for you. You do deserve much better treatment.
aw, jode.
you know if he treated you the way you deserved to be treated ( and likewise your treatment of him) it would not be so volatile!
also: our relationship is without pretense, I know what you show me, which seems pretty real. the you I know is GOOD PEOPLE.
Purfff -- honestly, I'm a therapist/pill pusher. For real. I am. But hot damn, I have been to countless therapists over the past 10 years. It doesn't change a damn thing. Because I'm LAZY! And since *I* am the problem, and *I* haven't changed, nothing changes.
Where do you go from there??
how is all of the blame yours? either way- if you are the problem- then how can either of you be happy?
if I was married to the wrong person, ( and I don't think there is only one person for everyone, in fact, a lot of people are for me, because I am a whore...) I think there would be intense dischord, as well.
GAHHHHHHH, Jodi!!!! When I read posts like this, I dont' know whether I want to shake you, smack you or give you a hug. Or all three.
Probably all three. I know you say you've been to lots of therapists in the past, but I really think you need to try again. Until you find someone who gets through to you. I've had 5-6 therapists in the past 10 years and out of them, 2 were helpful to me to the extent that they helped me change my life. You have to keep trying.
But also, you're right. If you're going to be lazy about it and not take accountability for changing your life, then eh. I guess you get what you get. And that sucks. But it's hard to continue to pull for and try to encourage someone who will never help themselves. Sigh.
You have to want change. I hope you can find peace and happiness either with or without your husband.
I know I'm really late in responding, but I think you are 100% correct here. You need to believe that you're worth it. Not just know in your head that it's true, but actually believe in your heart that it is.
My brother is married to a very crazy woman, one who is constantly bringing him down. I think the only reason he's still with her is because he thinks he can't do better. He wants the perfect family, so he's trying to make it work for their kids. Meanwhile we're all hoping that he will somehow have the strength to stand up to her. From the outside we can see what she's doing to him. She's not willing to get therapy. She's not willing to change.
It seems like your situation is similar. You both try therapy. You stick with it. He doesn't. He doesn't change at all. You try, but it's hard to keep at it if your partner isn't willing to work with you.
We all want to see you happy. We want to see Cam and Joey happy. I don't know if divorce is that answer. I think the more that you can do to improve your self esteem, to really learn to love yourself, the clearer the answer will be.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I'm coming in late and don't know if you'll even see this but it's worth a shot. I mainly lurk these days but I have been around since 2003. I remember your pregnancies and have read a lot of your posts throughout the years.
I'm not going to weigh in on whether or not you should stay or go, but something you said stuck with me. You said it would be easier for you to leave if Joe hit you. You also said you are staying for your kids.
My parents have been married for 39 years. I wish my mom had left him back when I was in elementary school. He has ALWAYS treated her badly - verbal and emotional abuse. But my mom says, "I would leave if he hit me." But she never left. And I grew up watching awful fights, in fact, they still have horrible fights. And now that I'm 35, I can finally say my mom shouldn't have stayed. And the fact that she did say has lessened my respect for her. I know she partly stayed for me due to finances etc. But I think both of us would have been better off today without my dad in our lives bullying us.
So.... just because he doesn't physically abuse you doesn't mean you're in a good marriage. And staying married for the kids isn't necessarily the right reason either. Good luck to you.