Checking in (Not TTC related, and long)

boymamaco

Hey ladies,

Last I checked in was Sunday - and I was still holding out hope. AF arrived on Monday morning with a vengence. It was really mixed emotions - sad b/c I want to be a mom and have a family so bad. But also relieved since we are going through so much right now with DH's depression. Its worse than I previously thought, and is most likely Bipolar Disorder II (not full blown mania which is level I, but still a very serious illness.) We're going in for some medical treatment on Friday.

I think the thing that I am most sad about is that my DH is never going to be the same, and I feel like my dreams of our life together are gone. Yes, we can hopefully find a healthy way to be together if he finds the right treatment and it works, but it will never be the same as it would have been if he had emotional stability. We are both grieving right now. Me for our loss of our dreams together, and him for all the lost years of not having this diagnosis and struggling to keep it together. We only dated for a year before we got married, and he was in a "normal" state that entire time. So I never picked up on it. I knew of previous depression in his life but I had had anxiety/mild depression too for a short while, so thought nothing of it. 

Anyways, we will probably put family planning on hold for awhile until his emotions stabilize. It feels like the twilight zone even just writing that. You just can't understand how wild it is to hear the news that your DH is Bipolar. The past two weeks have been crazy.

I am totally rooting for all of you to get BFPs, so I'll probably stop by now and again to say hi and cheer you on. And, I'm not going to give up on my charting in case we do stabilize his moods and have a way to lead a healthy, happy life together, so I'll just be able to pick it back up.

Sigh, I'm so sad. Sorry for the long rant about this. I know its not TTC related but I just had to get it out somewhere! Thanks for listening. 

yasmin718

Hi!

I'm usually more of a lurker, or as I would prefer to be called, an "information seeker" since everyone here is very knowledgeable, but I felt that I should reply.

I wish you and your DH all the best and hope that everything will work out for both of you. 

baze2

Lucy,

My heart is breaking for you. These are the tough times that you have always heard about. I hear in your typing such a love and devotion to your DH. This will carry you through.

On Bipolar Disorder, there have been great strides in this disease. Meds, and therapy can help your DH live a "normal" life. This is disease is common. Not that that makes you feel any better. But that means to me that the research and the treatment are available.

I am sure you are grieving for so many losses at this time, as is your DH. Take the time you need to accept these things. Then move on with your life in a direction that is right for both of you together.

Please don't give up on this board. Lurk and post occassionally. We all care about you and your situation. I understand if you don't want to post often. Put please keep us posted on your situation.

Sorry this is so long. Your story has touched me. Please keep you hopes high and take care of yourself. We all care!

Baze2

GBW

Lucy, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope that your husband will be okay...  Please be gentle with yourself...

MDBeachbride

So sorry.  Good luck with everything.

panda246

Lucy-

Thanks for checking in.  I can tell that you are really going through a difficult time. 

I think sometimes the stigma that society has placed on mental illness makes what is basically not a life threatening condition, worse.  My DH is in the mental health field and I am familiar with the Bipolar II diagnosis.  Baze is correct, there are wonderful meds. and treatments available to help your DH manage his disease and live a normal life.  Be patient while his doc. works on his medication management.  INSIST that in addition to medication that he receives pshchotherapy.  Of course, the two of you will be talking about how he feels, his moods and side affects from the meds...but you need to be his wife, not a therapist.  My DH says that all too often people are put on meds without seeing a therapist.  He has seen much better outcomes when meds. are prescribed in conjunction with psychotherapy.

I'll be keeping you and your DH in my T&P.  Please keep us posted.  I think that fact that he has been diagnosed and can finally receive the proper treatment and get some peace is a great thing.

{{{{{{  BIG HUGS   }}}}}

njohnson1972

My husband is also bipolar.  He suffered tremendously as a teen and in his 20's.  He used to use marijuana to deal with his issues.

Now, years later and having hit tremendous lows, he is in a good place.  He does take medication - a few actually - but it keeps him stable and out of that bad place most days.  He will occassionally have a bad day, but since we are very aware of it, he works through it.

He went 3+ years without a job do to his bipolar/depression - before we were together.  He now has a great job and is managing his condition.  A world of difference.  It is managable, but it took him years to figure out that he wanted help and a solution.  Luckily, his family never gave up on him.

I just wanted to share this with you.  It isn't the end of the world.  It is a lot of trial and error to figure out the best combination of meds and treatment to get a balance.  It is a chemical condition.  But once that gets figured, it can make a huge difference.  I think one of the biggest challenges is admitting that there is a problem and being willing to get help - which I think is harder for men.

Good luck.  Remember you aren't alone.

taratru

Oh, Lucy, I can't imagine what you're going through.  *hugs*

BirdieBrd

I'm sorry that you and your husband are going through this. I hope he finds a treatment that will help him feel better. 

QE2

I'm so sorry, Lucy. What a difficult situation you're going through. It sounds like you guys have a plan to navigate this difficult journey. We would love for you to continue to check in. I think this board is filled with wonderful, supportive women, and we're here for more than the TTC stuff. Best wishes to you and I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts.?

shyntrue

Sending lots of T&P for you & your DH.   {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

joyfulnature

Lucy,

I am so sorry you and your DH are having such a hard time. But you are doing everything  you can. And even though the diagnosis was more than you were expecting, it is very treatable. I sincerely hope that the doctors will find the right medicine to get your DH back on his feet very soon, and that you will be back here, TTC again very soon.

In the meanwhile, please do check in with us. We do care! And I know personally that it can be very helpful to have a group of supportive internet friends with whom you can share absolutely anything. You can come here and vent, or cry, or scream, and we will not judge. And when you come to share that things are going well, we will celebrate with you.

 Many, many hugs. 

Joyful

Dukos

Hi Lucy - ygpm

But, I just wanted to echo what everyone else is saying.  We are always here for you!

::BIG HUGS::

MrsKario

Lucy, Im so sorr that you are going through this.  Im sure it must be a tremendous shock and a lot to process.  I honestly dont think you need to give up your dream of a good, healthy, and happy life together.  Yes, it will be different (and sometime a lot more difficult) than you planned.  As others have said this is a very common and treatable medical condition.  There have been major major strides made in meds for this in the last ten years.  I do believe that the two of you will make it and may even have a stronger marriage because of this.  I can hear from you post and previous ones what a wonderful and kind wife you are.  You husband is so lucky to have you and I think that will really help him manage this disease. 

Please continue to post on here.  Not every post has to be about TTC.  Feel free to vent or cry to us..... whatever you need. 

I will continue to keep you and your H in my prayers. 

FlgBride

Hi Lucy!  Thanks for updating us on your situation.  I'm so sorry that you and your DH are going through this difficult time.  It sounds like you both are doing all of the right things by seeking medical help and counseling. 

There isn't much I can say here that hasn't already been said by the other posters, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck.  Take each day as it comes and remember to take time for yourself too. 

I agree with the other posters,  please continue to keep us apprised of your situation and feel free to stop by anytime, even if it's just to vent.  My heart goes out to you both!  You are in my thoughts.

boymamaco

You guys are the best. Seriously. Thank you SO much for all your support and kind words. It means a lot.

We are getting good help I believe, and he genuinely wants to address this. His enthusiasm to get on the right meds and get help is really sweet and makes me love him even more. Right now things seem up and down, as with any time you get news like this, but I am really optimistic that we can get through it and come out stronger on the other side. 

Thanks again you guys. I'm so touched by all the sweet responses. 

 

ToshaGirl

Oh Lucy I am sorry you are facing this. I know from a friend of mine who is bi polar that you can live a happy life. Don't give up on your dreams! My friend has a wonderful son and a happy relationship, she takes her meds and recognizes when she is having a hard time.

YH is very lucky to have you, and I bet he can get on a treatment program that will work for  him and allow you to lead the life you want.

((((hugs)))))