S/O: changing names

anna7602

A post below asks how you would feel if your son changed his last name. If you changed your name when you got married, how do your parents feel about it?

My parents were hurt when I changed my last name to DH's and still get a little upset when they see my "new" name (I've been married for over 7 years) in print- like on my grad school diploma or on things I've had published.

FutureMrs.Steen

I always knew I wanted to change my name to my husbands and my parents were supportive of it. In our family everyone does this.

Legally Nads

My Dad has never said anything about me dropping my maiden name and taking my husband's name. I didn't want to do the whole hyphenated name thing or drop my middle name (its my grandmother's name) and replace it with my maiden name. 

My Mother on the other hand, was pretty upset about the whole name thing (she's divorced from my Dad... but she cares for some reason). I think it is mostly because I am the only lawyer in the family, and she wanted me to have my family  to honor the family and because my Dad does not have a son. She also didn't want me to be stuck with my Husband's name if we got divorced.

I'm old fashioned, and I felt like I wanted to honor my Husband by taking his name, and I don't plan on getting divorced. 

karakel

My parents weren't upset at all.  I think they just assumed that I would.

Mrs.Rotty

my parents are tradionalists (sp). if i hadn't changed my name they would have thought it weird.

lo45fd98wq32

My parents supported me changing my name to DH's. It was hard for me, though. I went from a very unique last name that I loved to a very standard, everyday last name that a million people have. I would double-take my own name and get sad for a while.

mlf625

My parents were fine with it, it was just expected that I'd change my name. ?Except I think my dad subconsciously wishes I still had "his" name- when he mails me things, they're always addressed to my maiden name. ?;)

GeoffreytheGiraffe

Everyone in my life gives me grief for keeping my birth name.  Like I personally insulted their marriages by keeping it.

And when I gave my children both my name and my husband's name as a hyphenated last name you'd have thought I kicked a puppy.  It was insanity.

debbadebbadoo711

I never changed my last name legally- honestly I was just too lazy to do the paperwork.  Socially I use my married name.  At work I use both with no hyphen. "On Paper" for bills, at the doctor, etc I use my maiden name.

KatieintheCity

I think my parents always assumed I would take the last name of the man I married. They would have been supportive either way. I think they were actually more hurt that I dropped my middle name! (Moved maiden to middle) I didn't think changing my name would be that tough, but it's been surprisingly more difficult (emotionally) than I expected.

angelika78

I didn't change my last name and my parents were completely supportive of it.  My sister did change her last name (but kept her middle name) and they were completely supportive of that.

Part of the reason I didn't change my last name is because I have an impossible to say first name and my DH's last name is impossible to say and I REALLY didn't want two names no one can say.  I seriously spend so much time correcting people on the pronunciation of my 1st name, I don't have time to correct them on another.  LOL.  

 My son has my DH's last name and a family name from my side as his middle name.  It doesn't bother me in the slightest that we don't all have the same last name, nor did I want to burden him with a hyphenated last name - it would be like the longest last name in history!

queenbone

Taking DH's name was very bittersweet for me.  I always planned to do this , but when it actually came time to do it, I was sad.  I was also worried about my dad, he had no sons and it was a nice ethnic name.  But he was glad I was taking DH's name.  He told me he was always flattered that my mom took his, at a time when lots of other hippies weren't doing that. 

hopefulmom

No my parents were not hurt or upset...it was expected.  My mom changed her name to my dad's name.  I have (had) 2 brothers so it wasn't like it wasn't going to get carried on (although both brothers had girls...lol).  I really dislike hyphenated names and would really not want to hang it on a child.

BTW...if you get divorced  you can always go back to your maiden name.  My friend did even though her kids had/have their Dad's last name.

ubermoose

My parents were perfectly fine with it. They assumed I would. They also realized it was more about me establishing a household with my hubby than me "leaving" their family and "joining" his.

My husband and I had discussed hyphenating, but my parents and I thought it might be a bit of a mouthful. So, I kept my maiden name as a second middle name, and my hubby and I have the same last name. It works out nicely for us.

jelina

My parents also would have thought it was odd if I didn't take DH's last name. DH's parents would have thrown a hissy fit. They're from the South and don't quite understand what those crazy Northerners do. I have always wanted to take DH's name but it was very hard for me. I loved my last name before. It was very unique and presented my heritage. Now my last name is fairly common and sounds prett awful with my first name (both end in "ee") and it makes me sound like a cheerleader. But alas, I wanted DH's last name so I'm slowly getting used to it.

Sweden+Canada

My parents couldn't care less - I did change my name but their reaction (or rather lack of reaction) would have been the same if I had kept my name or if DH had taken my name. I guess no one in my family really puts too much weight to a name.

My older brother did in fact take his wife's name when they got married and our parents didn't really care about that either - her name was shorter and less common (our last name was the most common last name in Sweden) so if anything they agreed on it being the better choice.

The only annoyance that came from my brother taking his wife's name was caused by the reaction of his asshat FIL. He just couldn't stop talking about how my brother had finally seen the light and how good it was for him to drop that 'simple people' last name and he kept implying all night how my brother was now part of a finer family and what not.

j&lo82907

In my family it was never a thought, every woman in our family has always dropped their maiden name and took on their spouses, it was never even questioned it was just assumed by everyone

NaHoku

OP - out of curiosity, I am wondering if your mom changed her name when she married your dad - or if they created a new last name together when they got married.  I'm just trying to understand why they would take it so personally!

I think my parents assumed that I'd change my name when I got married, so as far as I know, it didn't bother them.  I think my mom's feelings were hurt when my sister changed her middle name after she converted to Judaism, though she understood (it was Cristina which means "follower of Christ," but it was also in honor of my parents, Christine and Crisanto).

It wouldn't bug me if our kids change their last names.  It's a boring last name, one of the most common in the US and I had a hard time taking it myself (my maiden name is a beautiful Filipino last name/Spanish word).  I - and our kids - have it as a second middle name.

MandyWes

I loved my maiden name but was super excited when I got to change to my DH's last name. I would have felt strange if I didn't and I find hyphenating really annoying, personally.

My parents 100% support the fact that I changed my name. My mom changed her name to my dad's. And even though I have no brothers, my dad would have probably thought it was strange if I didn't change my name to my DH's.

brookelynpaisley

I honestly didn't think to ask them. My dad is traditional. My mom has a hyphenated legal name but uses just my dad's name socially. To me, taking your husband's name is just what you do. It was always assumed I would take my husband's name. I did, however, drop my middle name and take my maiden name in its place. They didn't know I planned to do that and seemed to be honored. But my name is my choice, and they never would have voiced an opinion one way or the other whether I changed or kept my birth name.

anna7602

NaHoku:

OP - out of curiosity, I am wondering if your mom changed her name when she married your dad - or if they created a new last name together when they got married.  I'm just trying to understand why they would take it so personally!

I think my parents assumed that I'd change my name when I got married, so as far as I know, it didn't bother them.  I think my mom's feelings were hurt when my sister changed her middle name after she converted to Judaism, though she understood (it was Cristina which means "follower of Christ," but it was also in honor of my parents, Christine and Crisanto).

It wouldn't bug me if our kids change their last names.  It's a boring last name, one of the most common in the US and I had a hard time taking it myself (my maiden name is a beautiful Filipino last name/Spanish word).  I - and our kids - have it as a second middle name.

Women don't usually change their last names in my parents' home country. My mom changed her name to my dad's when they came here because everyone told her that was what was expected in America (this was in the early 60s). In my parents' view (and mine), changing my name was a choice, not something that was "imposed" on me (the way my mom sees her name change).

anna7602

NaHoku:

OP - out of curiosity, I am wondering if your mom changed her name when she married your dad - or if they created a new last name together when they got married.  I'm just trying to understand why they would take it so personally!

I think my parents assumed that I'd change my name when I got married, so as far as I know, it didn't bother them.  I think my mom's feelings were hurt when my sister changed her middle name after she converted to Judaism, though she understood (it was Cristina which means "follower of Christ," but it was also in honor of my parents, Christine and Crisanto).

It wouldn't bug me if our kids change their last names.  It's a boring last name, one of the most common in the US and I had a hard time taking it myself (my maiden name is a beautiful Filipino last name/Spanish word).  I - and our kids - have it as a second middle name.

Women don't usually change their last names in my parents' home country. My mom changed her name to my dad's when they came here because everyone told her that was what was expected in America (this was in the early 60s). In my parents' view (and mine), changing my name was a choice, not something that was "imposed" on me (the way my mom sees her name change).

broomy

I haven't changed my name, and my mom and in-laws are all generally appalled (my dad, I think, is secretly proud that I want to keep my maiden name). I told everyone I'd probably change it when I had a baby, but now that that's becoming a reality, I think I'd still rather keep my maiden name! I love my last name. My husband's last name is Smith. Zzzzzzz.

We talked about DH taking my last name, but he feels the same way about his last name as I do about mine - neither of us wants to change our names, so we're just not changing them.

I have no problem using my husband's name socially, and I plan on giving our kids his last name. I'm still considering giving them my last name as a second middle name. If any of my kids wanted to drop one for the other (like go by my maiden name instead of Smith because it's more unique, or drop mine and keep Smith because it's easier), we're both fine with that. I don't think anyone should be expected to change their name for tradition's sake.