IL shower? (long - sorry!!)

Shandie_725

Hi there ladies!

I know I'm kinda early with this, but I need some advice on how to deal with my MIL. She's very excited for this grandchild (grandbaby #3, first in 11 years and possible first granddaughter).

HOWEVER: DH and I are team green and it's starting to piss her off. One of DH's cousin's made a comment at a family gathering about how boring a shower was where they didn't know the gender and that maybe we should wait til baby's here to have the shower so everyone can buy gender appropriate gifts. Maybe I'm weird but I want the shower before baby's here so that once s/he arrives, I can stay at home and enjoy baby! My mom's planning on throwing me a shower prior to baby's arrival so I really only have to worry about MIL's shower.

Am I being unreasonable about wanting my shower before? How would you approach MIL with this "request"?

 

hopefulmom

Personally, I think you need to accept the shower for when your hostess wants to have it.  I don't understand why you not finding out the sex of the baby would piss off your MIL.  If it is so that she (and others) can buy gender specific things then hosting the shower after the baby is born would be the best solution.  I didn't know the sex of any of mine and neither did my DD when she was pg with her DS.  I would think though, if you are already having one shower BEFORE the birth of your baby then you would want to have the other shower AFTER the birth so you can get some gender specific things.  I mean, you will be overrun with gender neutral stuff if you have both showers before the baby - not knowing the sex.

My DD purposedly wanted her shower after the birth of her baby just for this reason.  She didn't want drawers full of green and yellow and tan.  So, her friend had all the invites made out (except the date), stamped and ready to mail.  Once her DS was born she filled in the date of the shower (3 weeks from the date he was born approx) and stamped it with "It's a Boy" on the invite and the envelope and mailed them the day after he was born.  It was great.  Everyone got to see him and he got a lot of little boy clothes, blankets, toys, etc.

EastCoastBride

Well, you have every right to decline a shower.  Really, you do.  But they also have every right to NOT throw you a shower before if they dont' want too.  So- yes, you can say "I appreciate your offer, but I really don't want a shower after the baby is born" and that might mean no shower.

Maybe I'm weird but I want the shower before baby's here so that once s/he arrives, I can stay at home and enjoy baby!

I really don't get this arguement, to be honest.  YOu're talking about a couple of hours ONE day - is that really going to get in the way of enjoying your time w/ your baby/  Do you really plan to do NOTHING but sit at home w/ your baby?

I'll tell you now- a newborn is boring.  Really, they are!  You're probably going to get antsy to get out and about, and quite honestly, a shower may be the perfect thing to do.  AND you can show off your LO too.....

seniah_05

First - its yours and DH's decision to find out so you can tell your MIL what I told my family - wah, have your own.

Second - if your mom is throwing you a shower before hand, let MIL throw one after.   You'll hopefully get most of your needed items at your mom's shower and the post-baby event with your MIL will save a lot of going visiting/drop in visitors post-baby. 

Sunsh1ne

I would just thank her and tell her that you'll need to wait and see how you're feeling after the delivery before scheduling anything.  I think that's fair.  It's gracious of her to want to throw you a shower, but it's also okay to consider how you'll be feeling - recovering from a painful c-section?  sleep-deprived and struggling to establish a b-feeding routine?  hormones out of whack?

I wouldn't be anything but gracious about her wanting to throw you a shower.  But it's okay to be firm about not wanting to schedule anything until you see how the delivery goes, you get your feet on the ground, and see how you are feeling. 

You may be feeling up for a shower two weeks after the delivery.  Or you may need 6+ weeks to start feeling human.  I have no actual experience, but I just know that in talking with mom friends that everyone's experience is different.  And you won't know until after the delivery.

Personally, I would not pin down a date for an after delivery shower until I saw how I was feeling.  Usually, I think it's annoying to be wishy washy.  But under these circumstances, I think that's okay.

alabaster_angel

I've been extremely frustrated with people wanting to buy gender specific things for our baby - we're doing the green/yellow/brown color scheme. Even though I love pink for myself, I just don't want it for my child. We're flat out refusing to tell people the babies gender because I KNOW it will result in 'gender appropriate' gifts at the shower.

I'd thank her for the offer but say that you'd prefer a gender neutral shower before the baby is born.. or nothing at all.