I really don't like my SIL

nszeman

SIL has mental issues.  Refuses to get help.  I don't just blame her for the fact that we have no relationship with her children or my brother - he's to blame too!  I sent out our annual what DS would like for Christmas.  DH & I prefer bonds, money, gift cards & if anyone doesn't like those, we chose a few toys that we think he would like or would play with.  SIL went crazy about this e-mail yesterday, called my parents screaming, etc.  I'm sorry DS doesn't like sitting in front of a tv watching DVD after DVD like her daughters.  DS loves imitating us, playing outside (which we aren't scared to let him do) or just playing with pots & pans.  She & my brother only see DS on holidays & birthdays & that is only for 2 hours to eat.  They think bonds are fake money & not good gifts - only thing I'll get my 3 nieces because they don't wear anything we buy or use what we give them.  (I got all 3 girls the belly banks last year & they are in their basement waiting until they buy a house - they aren't even looking for a house!)  She told my parents that they are tight with money & would prefer cash for the girls to do things (gymnastics, school) but she won't tell us because they don't believe in that.  She just posted on FB that she hopes that she doesn't get any e-mails today to make her head explode.  I'm posting here to vent, so I don't flip on her.  DH & I spoke ever since we found out we were pregnant that we didn't want to have plastic city house, we wanted our LO to play outside like we grew up, use their imagination.  Respect how we raise our happy child.  I respect how you raise your 3 unhappy, unmannered & noneating children.  Thanks, I feel a little better now!

the_mulva

So, you dictate the type of gifts other people are allowed to give your kids? Wow.  Interesting.

cuwife

Maybe the unsolicitated gift want list is what pushed her over the edge.

nszeman

Not dictate.  DS has 2 sets of great grandparents, 3 sets of grandparents, etc...  Everyone asks what he would like.  He is 16 months old & can't speak, but we know what he plays with all the time.  Last Christmas, DS got 2 walkers & 4 ride on toys.  Everyone told us to return the other persons gift, not theirs.

~CoCo~

I'm glad you're not my SIL. I wouldn't like you either.

alicatt79

nszeman:

SIL has mental issues.  Refuses to get help.  I don't just blame her for the fact that we have no relationship with her children or my brother - he's to blame too!  I sent out our annual what DS would like for Christmas.  DH & I prefer bonds, money, gift cards & if anyone doesn't like those, we chose a few toys that we think he would like or would play with.  SIL went crazy about this e-mail yesterday, called my parents screaming, etc.  I'm sorry DS doesn't like sitting in front of a tv watching DVD after DVD like her daughters.  DS loves imitating us, playing outside (which we aren't scared to let him do) or just playing with pots & pans.  She & my brother only see DS on holidays & birthdays & that is only for 2 hours to eat.  They think bonds are fake money & not good gifts - only thing I'll get my 3 nieces because they don't wear anything we buy or use what we give them.  (I got all 3 girls the belly banks last year & they are in their basement waiting until they buy a house - they aren't even looking for a house!)  She told my parents that they are tight with money & would prefer cash for the girls to do things (gymnastics, school) but she won't tell us because they don't believe in that.  She just posted on FB that she hopes that she doesn't get any e-mails today to make her head explode.  I'm posting here to vent, so I don't flip on her.  DH & I spoke ever since we found out we were pregnant that we didn't want to have plastic city house, we wanted our LO to play outside like we grew up, use their imagination.  Respect how we raise our happy child.  I respect how you raise your 3 unhappy, unmannered & noneating children.  Thanks, I feel a little better now!

I don't think you understand the defination of respect.

Nicole731

cuwife:

Maybe the unsolicitated gift want list is what pushed her over the edge.

I was thinking this too. Is this common practice? Nobody in my family has ever done this (besides the usual baby and wedding shower registries). If they want to know what DS would like, they ask and I give general responses (clothes, pj's, books, etc). Never would I provide a specific- and unsolicited- list.

the_mulva

well, sounds like you're pissed b/c your SIL isn't planning on getting one of the "suggested gifts".  I'd just say "thanks" for whatever gift she gave, then move on w/ my life, but I'm not an a'hole (well, on this issue, anyway).

taylor20204

As much as I'd like to give people a list of what I/DH/DS would like (just for practical reasons), I think I'd be pretty turned off if I got one. 

the_mulva

~CoCo~:

I'm glad you're not my SIL. I wouldn't like you either.

I know, right??? This thread makes me want to hug my really cool SIL.

RubyEggi

Did your SIL get upset because you sent her a list? Personally I could see why that would upset her....I would never send out a list to any family members requesting certain items. A gift is a gift and I would just graciously accept any gifts that you receive. Also it sounds like you are taking out your issues with your SIL on your nieces (describing them as, "...unhappy, unmannered & noneating") which is kind of sad.

momtoRaegan041008

I feel you on the SIL thing.  Mine doesn't have a mental disorder, but she is similar to yours.  My oldest nephew is 5.  I have never once seen the child wear anything I bought him.  2 years ago we decided that we would buy savings bonds and a small gift for Christmas.  For Birthday's we just buy savings bonds, except for our godson we buy a gift from his godparents also.  They do the same for us.  They have so many toys and there is nothing they actually need.  This works for us.  If people ask what to get our child I ask for savings bonds or money for her savings account.

ladeebri

Just my opinion but maybe you shouldnt send lists like that to people who dont ask for them.  If someone asks for a suggestion then give it, but sending out an unsolicited "this is what I want everyone to get DS for Christmas" email is just plain tacky.

I know returning gifts is annoying, but its kind of a part of life I guess.

Also - please realize no one wants to give a kid a lame gift.  Everyone wants to give an awesome gift that a kid is going to get excited over.  Savings bonds arent it. 

Gina418

If she gets something you don't like for your lo - return it. Every store in America takes returns after the holidays, it's not that big of a deal.

 

alicatt79

the_mulva:

~CoCo~:

I'm glad you're not my SIL. I wouldn't like you either.

I know, right??? This thread makes me want to hug my really cool SIL.

i agree.  there's really nothing in this post that makes her sound at all like the SIL without mental issues. 

who gets mad about what they're given as a gift?  it's a gift, not a obligation!

RubyEggi

~CoCo~:

I'm glad you're not my SIL. I wouldn't like you either.

DITTO.

Ravings Rabbids

I'm sorry, your SIL has mental issues because she won't follow your gift giving guide for your kids?  Huh?

Lucky_Dragonfly

well you do give them a few choices of what to get. and I don;t see why she is getting so crazy about it. you are just getting ahead of the game. most likely she is going to lose the list anyway and ask you in a few weeks. My SIL is alittle nuts and I just ignore her half the time and go about my life.

NerdBride_D&D

Maybe they are tight on cash and can't afford the things you are gift whoring for? Maybe you could have brought up the issue a bit more delicately, like sending out an email explaining the situation last year? "Hey, please include a gift receipt just in case we have another mix up like last year. We really want DS to get to enjoy his presents and we appreciate that you all love him enough to get him things." Instead of being a Present Nazi - "No, this isn't allowed! Take it back! Money please!!"

And this is from a mom who lets her kid watch a bit of TV a day, is living in a plastic city house and won't let him play outside when it is so cold here right now we can see our breaths in the air. Oh, and when he's teething, he's a noneater too. And he can be a giant pain in the butt and very unmannered sometimes, but we love him anyway. Judge on lady, judge on.

emiliemadison

nszeman:

Not dictate.  DS has 2 sets of great grandparents, 3 sets of grandparents, etc...  Everyone asks what he would like.  He is 16 months old & can't speak, but we know what he plays with all the time.  Last Christmas, DS got 2 walkers & 4 ride on toys.  Everyone told us to return the other persons gift, not theirs.

So you say you have no relationship with her, her kids, or your brother but they ASK you for a list of what your DS wants for Christmas? 

tre777

the_mulva:

~CoCo~:

I'm glad you're not my SIL. I wouldn't like you either.

I know, right??? This thread makes me want to hug my really cool SIL.

Ditto. ?

?BTW, look up the word respect. Sheesh.?

CelticWife

Honestly, if my SIL sent me an email telling me what types of things I should buy for her kid, I would flip out. Now, if I asked for one, that would be different. But to randomly recieve an email 6 weeks before Christmas telling me what I could buy, no.

LilMissLadybug

My head might explode from your post. You sound like a brat. Who sends out a list of acceptable gifts. That is effed up.

oceanlover

ladeebri:

Just my opinion but maybe you shouldnt send lists like that to people who dont ask for them.  If someone asks for a suggestion then give it, but sending out an unsolicited "this is what I want everyone to get DS for Christmas" email is just plain tacky.

 

I totally agree with this.

FWIW, I hate the passive-aggresive facebooking comment though.

 

~CoCo~

NerdBride_D&D:

Maybe they are tight on cash and can't afford the things you are gift whoring for? Maybe you could have brought up the issue a bit more delicately, like sending out an email explaining the situation last year? "Hey, please include a gift receipt just in case we have another mix up like last year. We really want DS to get to enjoy his presents and we appreciate that you all love him enough to get him things." Instead of being a Present Nazi - "No, this isn't allowed! Take it back! Money please!!"

And this is from a mom who lets her kid watch a bit of TV a day, is living in a plastic city house and won't let him play outside when it is so cold here right now we can see our breaths in the air. Oh, and when he's teething, he's a noneater too. And he can be a giant pain in the butt and very unmannered sometimes, but we love him anyway. Judge on lady, judge on.

You made me smile.

anna7602

Hmmm- did she ask you for a gift list or was this completely unsolicited? No one is under any obligation to buy your child gifts, no matter the relation. FWIW, my SIL only ever bought DD something when she was first born. No holiday or birthday gifts since.

Ravings Rabbids

I still want to know where the "mental issues" comes into play here.

tre777

No comeback? Please respond to what these girls are saying. I would love to hear your defense.?

MEJ2008

Eesh.

MrsTotty

LilMissLadybug:

My head might explode from your post. You sound like a brat. Who sends out a list of acceptable gifts. That is effed up.

It's one thing to give suggestions IF ASKED for them ... it's quite another to say, 'no gifts unless they're on my pre-approved list'

::sideeye::

Temp174496125006552

the_mulva:

well, sounds like you're pissed b/c your SIL isn't planning on getting one of the "suggested gifts".  I'd just say "thanks" for whatever gift she gave, then move on w/ my life, but I'm not an a'hole (well, on this issue, anyway).

I can't believe that I'm actually going to say this...but I'm with mulva on this one. 

inbetweendreams

I'm sorry, but a gift is a gift. If you don't like what she gives your LO, shove it in a closet or donate it to a child who would be more than happy to have it.

aforst

In the future, I would suggest you provide your list to those who ask for it.  Those who don't, you should accept what they give you with gratitude.  If you don't want it in your home, donate it.  I would be put off by your list too.

philosoraptor

the_mulva:

So, you dictate the type of gifts other people are allowed to give your kids? Wow.  Interesting.

You read my mind.

Andrewsgal

OMG this is the most tacky thing I have read in a while. LOL

You prefer bonds, money and gift cards. I can not even believe you are serious. Wow, just wow. If you were on my list i would send your kid the loudest most plastic toy ever and this whole post leaves me wondering if it is really SIL that has the issues.

katydid2007

HO HO HO!  The holidays just bring out the best in everyone, don't they? Thanks op -- you gave me a good laugh today.

disbride061103

So, you find it necessary to say that your SIL has mental issues, but I see no where in this post that indicates that she has any mental issue.

She got upset that you sent a wish list for DS.  I would be pissed too.  Not only would I be mad at getting a list, I would be mad that you had the audacity to put cash/bonds/gift cards on the list.  Even if multiple people ask what DS wants, to put any cash type things on a list and give it to people unsolicited screams TACKY and UNGRATEFUL.

Perhaps they don't mind telling your parents that cash is tight.  And when your parents ASKED what to get their kids they POLITELY suggested cash for classes for the girls.  Clearly they aren't comfortable telling you (the judgey SIL) that they are tight on cash.

In the past when money was tight, DH and I have always been able to give nice presents that we can afford.  We hunt for bargains and find things that we know that our family will like.  Perhaps a little understanding that cash is tight and that they can't afford to give anything on your list would be nice on your part.

And to get all judgey on you, I'm more than a little intrigued that your DS loves "playing outside (which we aren't scared to let him do)"   I think this statement is more than a little wacky on your part.

ccw479

aforst:

In the future, I would suggest you provide your list to those who ask for it.  Those who don't, you should accept what they give you with gratitude.  If you don't want it in your home, donate it.  I would be put off by your list too.

This.

ibfloridagirl

ha ha, you sound like my MIL, except she mostly just asks for cash for the kids.  I'd send your LO playdough

nicoleRI

I wish op would reply, dying to hear her comeback...

Toosdai

nicoleRI:

I wish op would reply, dying to hear her comeback...

LOL but at this point, what could she say?