HELP! I'm losingmyshit with DS!!

happ17

The child is beyond spirited, and I?m at my wits? end.

Nothing works. He?s not ?bad? per se, more mischievous than anything. He?s mostly good and listens, but when he misbehaves, it?s bad. And to make it worse, he?s stubborn as all hell, which isn?t a surprise since he?s my child, but anyway.

Last night, he was climbing on the table, and I was afraid he was going to fall. I told him don?t do that or you?ll get a time out. Surprise surprise he ended up in time out. 4 times. He climbed again, I yelled at him, which I try really hard not to do. And again. This time I lost it, got in his face and yelled really, really badly at him.

Not a proud mommy moment. But while most children would get it, nope, not mine. He looked like he was about to cry?eyes watery, lips trembling, etc?what does he do? Purses his lips, balls up his fists, and calmly says ?No!?

I don?t know what to do anymore. I won?t spank him. Yelling doesn?t work. Time-outs don?t work. I put him in t/o for hitting or kicking the dog, but he just does it again and refuses to apologize. Explaining doesn?t work, even in the simplest terms. And we?re consistent, too!

The kid knows what he?s doing 100%. Tell me it?s the age, or a better solution.

Oh and FWIW, he knew he was in trouble, because after the yelling and ?no? incident, I said, ?Ugh, I can?t deal with you anymore? and went to empty the dishwasher. A few seconds later, he came into the kitchen and started handing me the clean plates to put away, saying ?heeya mommy,? trying to get on my good side. It worked, but still. It needs to STOP.

hikerbeth

"Love and Logic Magic for the Early Years" saved my sanity.  It's a really quick read.  You integrate the techniques in everyday life (not just in discipline situations) and it really empowered my DD to make good decisions.

Time outs never worked for her either.

mlm1128

OK, so you have the male version of my child.  Nothing works.  I just keep at it, and keep at it.  I know that at this point she expects me to walk away and say I can't deal with her, which makes her think she won.  So I have started to do what I was always told not to do...engage her in a battle of wills.  It can last hours, I won't lie to you, but it is actually working.

She even apologizes on her own now.

august0605bride

I think it's quite typical that he "didn't get it."  That's how they are, you know?  For my 3 y/o, I have to stay positive.  if he is doing something like that, I have to redirect him and engage him in another activity.  Yelling, threats, time out-- none of it works, and it all makes us both feel like crap.

 

When I am most in danger of freaking out on him and doing something I'd regret, I force myself to do something ridiculous-- a silly dance, a funny face, pretending to eat his nose-- anything to snap us both out of power struggle and reset the scene.  Sometimes I do these things with clenched fists or gritted teeth, but really, using humor to diffuse the situation and then starting over again has saved my sanity and stopped my yelling. 

buler23

I don't have any solutions, I just wanted to say you are not alone.  DS has been awful lately. He is usually such a good kid, but lately when he doesn't get his way that is the end of it.  I refuse to give into him, but I find he is ruining not just his own fun time but mine as well. (I know that sounds kind of selfish on my part and trust me, I don't give in, but sometimes I like to have some fun too.)  I just feel like anytime we try and do something fun, a temper tantrum starts because he did not get his way and the fun time has to end.   I want a child that has the ability to think for himself, but also respects people.  Grrrr...the late twos have been a challenge thus far.  The funny thing is - when he is done having a fit or not listening, he looks right at me and says "I'm ready to listen now".  It is like he does it on purpose.

hopefulmom

I think the easiest thing for me to do is redirect...especially under the age of 3 and even sometimes now (he is well over 3) I can still get away with it.  It has to be something FUN though.  The other day he was having a "crying fit" because we were not going to the store of his choice.  It was closed but he just could not understand that.  So...I told him that when he calmed down I'd tell him what we will do.  He calmed down, said he was sorry for crying like that, and I told him that after we go to the store mommy wants to go to we will go to the store he wants to and see if they were open.  Well, we were in a city that doesn't even have the store he wanted to go to...but I found a store that was closed and the parking lot was empty.  I said, there it is.  They are closed and the lights are off and there are no cars.  We'll have to come back another time.  He accepted this.  Obviously it won't work when he is older and he knows the difference between stores.  I make it "seem" like he is getting his way...but really he is not.  KWIM.  Not sure if it was the best solution but there was no place for a time-out and I HAD to do some of my own shopping (no getting around it).  He was very plesant the rest of the evening.

shopgirl78

Sounds like my 2 yr old who is 3 days older than yours! 

happ17

So if they?re like that at 2, is 3 going to be worse? I think I may fly the coop!

ivybug

"But while most children would get it, nope, not mine. He looked like he was about to cry?eyes watery, lips trembling, etc?what does he do? Purses his lips, balls up his fists, and calmly says ?No!? "

Just an FYI - it's not just your child, so dont feel so bad   Mine does the same thing and I'm pretty sure it's the age.  We will remove DC from the situation. If time outs, etc don't work.  ie, he goes to his room until he can stop xyz bad behavior.  If he continues, he must stay in hios room until we deem it ok to come out/ or go to bed depending on the time (he tends to act up more when he's tired )

SOON2BMRSHOLTE

I just have to ask- what is your issue on spanking? I am personally pro-spanking, but thats just me. Its rare that I actually have to, but my children know that if they get past the second warning, they are going to get spanked. I usually leave the room and calm down before I do it though.

Anyway, try not to beat yourself up about it though, every mom has moments when they want to go homer-simpson on thier kid. I have a yelling problem and what seems to be helping me is just reminding myself that they will do what they see me do.

Nic

happ17

soon2b--I'm not 100% against spanking (I have done it when he was younger and would run out into the street) but i found that it's just not effective with him. Plus, I'd rather have him not do something because he's not supposed to do it, not because he's afraid of a spanking.

But mostly, I was spanked--well, beat--as a child, and while I'm not traumatized by it, I don't want to repeat my mom's actions. She didn't beat me to the point of abuse--I had definitely done things to deserve it most of the time--but I just didn't like it then and would be very disturbed by it if I did it now.