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Blended Families
I don't vent much, but grrrrrr.....
There were a few things that week that just pissed me off! First-DH called SD every night last week and left a voice mail every time that he was calling to talk to SD. Never got a return call (SD is 7, so this is to BM's phone). BUT....he did get a text at 9pm on Thursday that said "can you pay for SD's yearbook"
Nice-you can't have your daughter return a call to her father, but you can find the time to ask that he pay for stuff.
Second-BM is L-A-Z-Y. She gets lazier with each subsequent kid (#3 is due in a few weeks. #2 was born last Dec. We hope 2 and 3 have the same daddy....we shall see in about 2 weeks LOL).
Anyway, on Sundays when we would bring SD home it was obvious that BM just got out of the shower. Fine, never thought about it. Then it went to where we could tell she just rolled out of bed (this is always afternoon, mind you, and mostly pre-babies). Then it went to where SD would have to ring the doorbell and wait for 5 min because BM had to actually get OUT of bed to let her in (door was locked, SD doesn't have a key, again, she is 7). The kicker came this last Sunday when on the drive to SD's house DH gets a text that said "just tell SD to go in. I am in bed". Now she can't even get OUT of bed when the 7 year old that she hasn't seen for 3 days comes home. Again, nice.
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Re: I don't vent much, but grrrrrr.....
Pregnancy is exhausting, but not that exhausting. My guess is she's depressed more than she is tired.
SD is 7 and they have yearbooks??
I suggest your DH check in with her and say, "Is everything all right? You seem unusually tired all the time, I have a hard time getting in touch with SD....would it be helpful if we took her for a little while for you so that you can rest properly before the baby arrives?"
If he does it in a respectful manner with genuine, kind sincere, perhaps maybe she will work with him on this and you can arrange a short term flip of custody.
Seriously - you may see lazy - but there could be something serious going on where a little break might be what she needs to rest and take care of whatever it is that's going on.
Sorry ladies. She is lazy. Always has been. Plain and simple. Her parents take care of her kids probably 85% of the time (and in TX this would mean squat in court for us to try to get custody). She by no means has no support or help.
Yep-7 and they have yearbooks. That cost $40. Ridiculous. She also had to start selling crap as fundraisers when she was in kindergarten!
I would say no to the yearbook. A 7 year old does not need a yearbook. Bt that's my opinion.
I hear you on Texas. That state is so archaic when it comes to custody. They will side with the mother no matter how horrible she is. THere may be exceptions, but from DH's experience, it has to be a pretty ugly situation.
I didn't get DD a yearbook until 5th grade - and she was fine with that. It's okay to say no at age 7!
BM needs to get her butt out of bed! I would never send your SD in alone - I'd go in with her to make sure her mom was awake enough to take care of her.
What can you do about her not returning phone calls? Is it in the CO? That is unacceptable.
Are you worried for SD's safety? Is that why you have an issue with BM being in bed? I know I sought refuge in it whenever I could when I was pg. I'm kind of going "meh" on this issue.
No, I don't think there is anything in the CO about phone calls (standard TX order, DH didn't think he needed a lawyer, this was pre-me, he got hosed).
As for BM being in bed....really? It is unreasonable to expect her to get out of bed to greet her daughter? DH also usually uses the drop off time to discuss any pertinent issues with DM (since clearly she can't use a phone for anything other than texting).
I think she needs to make more of an effort to be awake or involved when her DD comes home. I like the PP's advice about your DH asking nicely if he can help too.
My boys have had yearbooks since K, but they're only $7-$10 and it raises money for the school so I'm OK with it. We've always had fundraisers, but we're a Charter school and therefore get about 60% of the money that the regular public schools get per student.
I'm happy to do the fundraisers when it means we actually have a tech budget. The school got 4 nice, top of the line Macs this year and my DS1 is now doing web design and robotics - in 6th grade.
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Off topic, but I'm in TX and my dad was awarded custody and there were no issues with my mom. My dad ended up giving her more time than the CO said bc he didnt think she was given enough. Also FI has joint custody of SS again in TX with a perfectly capable mother. Your H could get a lawyer and try again
Maybe your H could talk to your SD about nights he'd like to call during the week? It might give her something to look forward to and make it more likely for him to get through to her.
As far as the lazy issue, I'd just let it go. Who knows what the woman is going through, and if she sleeps in on a Sunday, so what? That said, I wouldn't drop off any child that age unless the parent was awake and available to supervise. Whether it was my child or someone else's, I wouldn't leave without seeing the other adult. So, I do think that's discussion-worthy.
No, it's not unreasonable for her to get up, but it's also not unreasonable for her to nap. Hence the "meh."