Visitors after baby is born — The Bump
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Visitors after baby is born

I'm having my first child and am struggling with when to tell family to come visit.  My parents are 3-4 hrs away and in-laws are 2 hrs away.  We told each side of family they can come anytime but they are suggesting we give them a time-line so there are not 6+ visitors in the house when I get home from the hospital (not a bad idea).  And so that they can stay more than just one day. 

I think I would like my mom around first to help/visit but then what?  All family members are great, helpful, and willing to do what we want. 

Anyone willing to share what you did for out-of-town family and when you told them to visit?  Thanks!

Re: Visitors after baby is born

  • Everyone was pretty much here at the same time for the first week.  My SIL was over alot to help me the first week (I'm closer with her than I am my mom).  I would have whoever is going to help you the most there in the beginning without a doubt. 

    I would do whatever you are comfortable with.  I hated having visitors all the time after DS was born.  I felt like I never really got a chance to relax with DH and DS.  So, I would just do whatever your gut tells you.  I wish I would have been able to tell people to stay away in the beginning a little bit more.

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  • This is a great question and one that I also had before I had my baby girl.My family/parents live 5 hours away. I have a self-decribed overbearing mother and so I was very worried about her coming in and "overstepping", especially given that we are 1st time parents and wanted to try and figure out things ourselves. Here is what we ended up doing...and keep in mind, I had a pretty easy delivery and recovery and was feeling pretty good the day after baby girl was born,and was up and doing things by a few days after. If I had a harder delivery/recovery I think things would have been very different.

    We decided that we would call both sets of parents when we were on the way to the hospital and leave the visiting decision up to them--and we told them this ahead of time. We also asked if they were going to come to visit in the first few days would not mind staying in a hotel for the first night or two while we got adjusted (of course, my mom took this the wrong way). So what actually happend was that they came in the day after baby was born (she was born at 4pm) while we were still in the hospital, and stayed in a hotel that night. They helped us get home and settle in the next day and left (I was sad to see them go). This was on a Wednesday. My mom and sister ended up coming back in to visit that weekend, and we decided to travel to my hometown two weeks later for 4 days to visit and let the rest of my family meet the baby. It worked out really well.

    My mom came back when the baby was 1 month old, and then 2 months old, and she stayed for 5 days both times. We also had other family members visit randomly thorughout the first few months, which was fun.

    Will baby #3 be another girl?


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  • We were planning to not allow any family to visit (we live 5 hours via plane away from our family). But, my mom freaked out so we have conceded and will let them fly in once I go into labor but they are staying in a hotel their entire visit.

    We want the first MONTH to be peaceful at home. So anyone can come visit, but no one is allowed to stay at our home. So far, no one has freaked out on us about the 'rules' we have set - we'll see how it goes!

  • Definitely set some guidelines. We had 3 days of 8+ hours of in-laws coming through and I ended up having a total meltdown.

  • No actual experience yet (I'm 23 weeks), but I have asked dh that his mother not visit for the first six weeks.  (My parents are dead.)  She is overbearing and not someone who would be an easy visitor while I am - recovering from a c-section, sleep-deprived, trying to establish a breast-feeding schedule (don't need someone telling me my boob is positioned wrong - she feels that she can criticize everything else, so why not this?), have my hormones out of whack, etc.  I need to get my feet on the ground before we have the crazy lady visit.

    Six weeks may sound extreme, but given my past experiences with dh's mother, this is what we need.

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