comment vent

Autumn_bride2b

DD has only been in the NICU for just over a week, but so far I feel that I am handling things well. I am only able to get there once a day right now because I am still recovering from my c-sec and am not allowed to drivee yet, but I think about her all day, look forward to the time I can spend with her no matter how long or short, and try to keep myself busy and not dwell on the fact that I can't be with her 24/7. So far, so good. But why, WHY, must everyone say "oh, it must break your heart to leave her there!"????? I was JUST FINE until you said something. Argh. Does this happen to anyone else?

kcampy31

Ugh, yes I felt the same way...i tried not to think about things or i would break down and then someone would say that and i would get so upset. What got me even more upset is being asked probably 300 times, " When is he coming home?" and i know they just meant well and wanted to show they cared, but everytime i said, " I don't know...he has to be mastering bottle feeding all his feeds and he is only doing 2 a day right now" and literally 2 days later the same person would say...well when does the doctor say he can come home? ahhhhh!! When he is ready...that is what i started saying to people! it can be frsutrating but i think you just really don't understand what it's like unless you are a preemie mom..they probably just don't know what to say. Stay strong- she will be home soon!!!

agray13

YES!  Or if someone says "you're doing a great job" or "how are you handling it, you ok?"  I start to cry everytime!  It's like if we don't have to verbally acknowledge it we will be fine!

borc0080

For me it was really hard when people would always ask when she was coming home.  She was so healthy and eating was her only issue, but it took forever for her to take all of her feedings by mouth!  Hang in there!

mustangcutie

Yes!  That would be the one line that would get me everytime!  I was doing good for taliking about it and being strong then someone would say that.  I would just have to say yes and turn to wipe the tears. 

Shayna0182

Uhg, I used to hate that. That's part of the reason dh and I started a blog.  We would update it every other day with notes and even had some pics on there, so no one would bother us with stupid comments.  Plus I got to a point where I quit answering my cell. 

 Hang in there!  It'll get better, I promise!

healthynut

I know!  As everyone else said, the two worst comments were "it must break your heart to leave your babies there" and "when are they coming home".  I also started sending out mass emails each day as a way to communicate the status.  This cut down on the questions.  I feel your pain, b/c as we all know, it is hard and it does suck.  Just let us get through it.  Would you say to someone who's friend just died, "Wow, you must be really sad".  No - you wouldn't bring it up unless they did.  Well, parents of preemies are grieving too.

Breenie29

I totally agree with you. I started to cry just reading your post. Just hang in there, and focus on the time you have together, and how wonderful it will be when she comes home. I am in the same spot as you right now, and it is very hard, but you have to make sure that you recover well, and take care of yourself, otherwise you won't be much good to your DD. The hardest part is not feeling guilty, but we can't help it right? Anyways, take care, and I wish all the best!

Tianacheron

yuppers!! it even got to the point where people almost made me feel guilty about leaving.  i think you know my story (had dd @ 28 weeks while i was on vaca at the shore) so i was 3 hours from home, living in at the ronald mcdonald house in camden. while taryn was at cooper, i was there everyday from 7-7. after about 3 weeks, i needed to go home, i had a husband that i missed dearly and a 16 year old dd that needed me too. as soon as i got home the comments started, "how could you leave her there by herself, what if something happens, etc".  one of the nurses said it best, you need to give yourself a permission slip to take care of you, you did your best taking care of her while she was in the womb, now its our turn.  don't feel guilty about taking a nap or taking a break to have lunch or dinner w/ your family! 

nat6102006

I got comments like "well at least now you have time to get things ready for her at home" or "enjoy your sleep now while she isn't home yet waking you up"

Yeah, thanks, I would much rather have her home! Plus I was up every 3 hours pumping anyway. That always made me feel worse! 

lemen99

nat6102006:

I got comments like "well at least now you have time to get things ready for her at home" or "enjoy your sleep now while she isn't home yet waking you up"

Yeah, thanks, I would much rather have her home! Plus I was up every 3 hours pumping anyway. That always made me feel worse! 

ditto!!