Etiquette question

bliss611

Ok - all the showers we have ever had with our family and friends have been co-ed. And we really want to make ours co-ed as well. We feel DH's friends are just as excited and want to celebrate just as much my friends and I have a couple of guys friends who are very excited for us as well. And we don't want to leave these people out. My best friend told me she was throwing me a shower - because she wanted to check about dates. And I'm certain she's making it co-ed. The only thing is co-ed showers tend to be kind of big. And I know she isn't doing all that well financially. She's under-employed and recently moved back in with her parents to save $$. Would it be very bad ettiqutte to offer to help her pay for the shower? No flames please. I know throwing your own shower is tacky. I agree. I just feel like my best friend is taking on a commitment that may be beyond her means. I told her to keep it simple and casual - nothing fancy but all the same it will cost a bit. If offering to help with the cost is bad - any other suggestions?

mrsmegs06

I don't think helping your friend out with some of the costs is a bad thing. You aren't the host of the shower, so I don't see any issue with this. 

EastCoastBride

As long as you stay in the background and aren't actually hosting it, you can pay for whatever you want to pay for.

blancanyc69

I think helping your friend out is a great idea, go for it.

lenaerickson

Oh aboslutely help your friend out. I think it would be bad etiquette if you knew her situation and just sat back and watched her struggle. I think you have a good heart and clearly want to help your friend. You will make the right choice!

hopefulmom

I agree with the others.  Since you aren't 100% sure she is expecting to host a co-ed shower you might make that the reason you want to help with the cost.  Obviously it would cost much less to just have a shower for women.

babydragonsister

Three suggestions:

1) Have a family member call her and offer to pay (of course you can pay the family member) -- more likely she'll take a family member up on it than you. 

2) Offer to do something to help out without mentioning money...for instance, "I don't want you to have to this by yourself....can I do the favors to help out?"  That takes one expense off her plate. 

3) Give her a big gift certificate to somplace she regularly spends money as a thank-you.  (Specialty grocery store, Target, Starbucks, or just a Simon malls or an AmEx gift certificate.)  This will help make up for what she spent by helping her out with daily expenses. 

 Good luck!