Vent: People trying to get PG with multiples

amjra

So, my cousin is "jealous" that I am having twins.  "I have always wanted twins" she whines and tells me that she is planning on TRYING to get PG with mulitples.  WTF???  What do you even say to that?  Jealous about what? 

• My fears about PTL
• My meeting with the neonatologist in 2 weeks to determine when we will try to intervene and "save" the babies, versus let them exprire, should they be born early.
• My planned 3rd trimester hospital confinement, being confined to bed and away from my DH, home and work? 
• Hoping to make it to planned C-section versus an emergency C-section?
• my babies' higher risks of problems?
• the fact that MoMo pregnancies, like mine, have an overall morbidity rate of 74%?
• The fact that 80% of all mulitples pregnancies lose at least one of the babies? 
• The HUGE NICU bills that they might incur? 

Don't get me wrong, I feel extremely blessed to be having my two wanted and needed daughters.  I get what she might be trying to say, 2 babies are twice as nice - but I am just frustrated by people who just don't get how high risk it is, and what sort of stress the whole thing can entail.  Especially because my pregnancy is extremely high-risk. 

This is not convenient to have my two at the same time - it is high stress and risky.  The way I see it, all the benefits of multiples, more love more babies, have to be there to compensate for the misunderstood risks and stresses of them. 

I think Dr. Luke's weight gain recommendations might just scare her off.

pea-kay

yes. people are stupid.

but i'm not exactly sure where you got some of your statistics, like about the morbidity rates of momo and multiple pregnancies. nevertheless, it is risky, no matter how you slice it.

kimarino13

I never "hoped" for multiples, but knew it might happen with IVF.  When I donated a kidney to my dad, the surgeon warned me that I might have kidney issues with one baby, and two would be even scarier. Sure enough, I landed myself on modified bed rest at 20 weeks due to the kidney issue.  Add in TTTS and all the things you listed, and that makes for one very nervous MoM-to-be.

But I do understand why some people hope for twins, especially those struggling with infertility.  It's scary on both sides...

mrscalkins

Bottom line, people aren't smart.

 

But like PK, I'm curious about your stats.  Where did you find the 80% of all multiple pregnancies lose one baby? 

macchiatto

pea-kay:

yes. people are stupid.

but i'm not exactly sure where you got some of your statistics, like about the morbidity rates of momo and multiple pregnancies. nevertheless, it is risky, no matter how you slice it.

Ditto to both.

abbzy85

I was really going to make a post like this after a friend of mine facebooked me that I'm so lucky and they're hoping for twins. I don't think people really understand what being pregnant with multiples is like. And they definitely do not understand what being a parent to multiples is like either - I also don't know but it seems tough.

Being pregnant with multiples is like winning the lotto, of course most people want to but there's no way to "try to get pregnant with twins". Pisses the heck out of me when people tell me they really want twins next time.

amjra

pea-kay:

yes. people are stupid.

but i'm not exactly sure where you got some of your statistics, like about the morbidity rates of momo and multiple pregnancies. nevertheless, it is risky, no matter how you slice it.

Perinatologist who specializes in multiples (came from Mayo).  For MoMo - he says that 80% are lost before the 20 week mark and most of those in the first 6 weeks.  After 20 weeks, 80% make it.  So, while the overall statistics are dire, if you make it to 20 weeks, you have a pretty good chance. 

Also, he says that for every set of twins you see walking around, there are 5 more people walking around without a twin - either lost at birth or in utero.  from vanishing twin syndrome, other problems etc. 

DESXF

I have a few friends like that.  I was actually surprised to hear comments like "OH how cool, I wish I had twins!"  or "Lucky!  I prayed for twins"

I also had the total opposite and had a few people just stare at me in shock and pity.  "Ohh, wow... good luck"   and "Yikes, that is gonna be so hard, you are going to be exhausted!"  I think I'd rather get the "you are so lucky" comments lol

Anyway, I'm not necessarily annoyed with people like that.  I think that the general public does not realize the extra work and risks associated with having multiples.  Even if you have a totally issue free, uncomplicated multiple pregnancy... its A LOT of work.  More so than a singleton.  I just don't think people in general worry about,  or even know about the increased chance of PTL, TTTS, IUGR, and all the other risks of carrying multiples.  They just think that twins are "cute".

I just smile and say "Thanks.  We are blessed"

nygrl79

I totally agree with you.  I get so angry when people make these comments -- so stupid of them and I think most have never given it any real thought.

 

jacobandcrystal

It is weird how much people think about it!  It seems every other time I tell someone that I'm pregnant with twins, they say "oh, the 1st time I got pregnant I was hoping it was twins so much... then the 2nd time I got pregnant I was really hoping it wasn't."

It's just odd to me because the thought of twins never even crossed my mind any of the 3 times I got pregnant!  The day I got my BFP this time, my in-laws and I were actually talking about twins for some reason.  I said "I think people who want twins are nuts!" : )  It was a few short weeks later that we saw 2 on our u/s...

In the end though, people are just uneducated about twins so I don't know how much we can hold them accountable for their thoughts ; )

efhoping2010

jacobandcrystal:

In the end though, people are just uneducated about twins so I don't know how much we can hold them accountable for their thoughts ; )

 

I think this is true, for the most part people are just curious and do not have any ill will. 

pea-kay

amjra:

pea-kay:

yes. people are stupid.

but i'm not exactly sure where you got some of your statistics, like about the morbidity rates of momo and multiple pregnancies. nevertheless, it is risky, no matter how you slice it.

Perinatologist who specializes in multiples (came from Mayo).  For MoMo - he says that 80% are lost before the 20 week mark and most of those in the first 6 weeks.  After 20 weeks, 80% make it.  So, while the overall statistics are dire, if you make it to 20 weeks, you have a pretty good chance. 

Also, he says that for every set of twins you see walking around, there are 5 more people walking around without a twin - either lost at birth or in utero.  from vanishing twin syndrome, other problems etc. 

 i kinda figured that's what you meant. vanishing twins before they were even detected.

SPerry0376

Octomom anyone??

My RE told me she had a mom with triplets that was trying really hard for twins that second time becasuse she thought "that would be so cool" and "that would really make her family perfect"...ughhh, last time I checked, creating a family was not a "game" or "presentation".

amjra

SPerry0376:

Octomom anyone?

Yes, maybe we should blame John & Kate.  Just another path to television fame and fortune.  I am so freaking glad they are cancelling that show. 

Of course, I am SURE that TLC is in negotiations with Octomom right now.

smtaylor1

I heard on the radio (and we know how true these things can be) that Jon from JK+8 and Octomom are going to share a reality show.  Lord I hope not!

mnj917

People say stupid things all the time...that being said, I think until it actually happens to you, you can't give a really accurate opinion on anything!  For example - I always thought people with twins must have really unmanageable lives, but  now I know that it's one of the most precious blessings to have, no matter how crazy things get.  And heck, yeah, it's a PITA to have to lug all those strollers, diapers, wipes, kids, etc around, but I wouldn't give it up for anything.  So, I guess maybe I could see how someone might want to get pregnant with twins. Although I have no idea how you might try to do that...

The only thing I can really say that I would prefer not to have to deal with re. twins would be the comments from total strangers...

"Boy - you sure do have your hands full" (No S**T)

"Are they triplets?" (DD is almost 2 years older than DSs)

"Are they twins?" (Uhhh...they look very similar and are wearing the same clothing...)

"Which one is older?"

"Do twins run in your family?"

UGH...so, like I said, people say stupid things all the time....

Temp159135562506975

they say that the rate of disappearing twin is probably much higher than the ones they truly know about- since most women do not get an US until 8 weeks or later... and most disappearing twins are gone before then.... that is part of the raeson the rate is so high.

CrazeyJaneyR

When I was younger I always thought I wanted twins. That was before I worked for hte NICU. But still, I can see why uneducated people might want them. They don't know the risks or the hard work involved.

FemmeNat01

I am young so I have a lot of friends who are like, "Oh, you're so lucky to have twins!" or "I wish I could twins!"

I am so blessed but so worried every minute of the day. I still have a risk of miscarriage, and then I have to worry about PTL. I have biweekly appts b/c I am high risk. It's scary being pregnant with multiples b/c of so many things that can go wrong. Why would someone say I am lucky? I am lucky to be having 2 miracle babies but I am not lucky in the sense that anything could happen and I dont have control over it.