SIL asking about being aunt (long)

bethandjoe09

Hi all - I haven't posted before, but I was hoping some of you had suggestions for how to cope with my SIL.  My DH and I got hitched this last July, and found out early Sept that I was pregnant.  Shortly after that, we found out I had a subchorionic hemorrhage... long story short, at 8 weeks they were unable to find a heartbeat, and on Tuesday morning I had a D&C (would have been 11 weeks at that point).  My problem is my SIL is *very* excited about the idea of being an aunt, to the point she wouldn't shut up about it at a recent family get-together, even after I hinted that comments regarding children weren't welcome (at that point we knew I was miscarrying; she didn't know about the pregnancy or miscarriage and I don't want to tell her because it's none of her d@mn business).

To sum up,  I'm worried about how I'll deal with being repeatedly asked when we'll have children at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I was hoping you ladies would have some pointers for discouraging questions.  I'm afraid she'll start up again and I'll wind up saying something that seriously upsets her - she's a bit of a drama queen and tends to be oversensitive, but of course only when it's stuff that upsets her, not anyone else.

 Thanks.  I've learned a lot already from lurking and reading posts.  I'm not sure I can convey how helpful this board has been the last few weeks.

MSC03

I'm an "honesty is the best policy" girl, so I probably would have told her if she was bothering me with baby things.

Is it something you can have your DH address with her, since it's his sister and she's a drama queen?

Pixiestx

I always pulled the money thing to keep things from getting personal.  When I would be asked by coworkers or family about having a baby I would say "well if someone would like to volunteer free daycare we'd be all set".  Things to that effect that totally weren't the truth, but were a practical and specific reason for not having one.  That way there weren't additional questions.  I think if you say something like we aren't ready or when the time is right, you start getting opinions on when that is.  My goal revolved around ending the conversation as soon as possible. 

Cissi64

I would be honest and tell the family what happened.  That said, it may not shut her or anyone else up with their opinions.  I had to tell my sisters that I did't want opinions or advice, just prayers because they felt the need ot tell me how stupid I was for wanting another child.  Even if it is true, it isn't helpful to the healing process when you are grieving your lost child(ren).

heathergirl67

If you don't want to tell her, then maybe do something jokey?  Or deflect it?

For example:  When are you guys gonna have kids?

*  What do I look like, a fortune teller?

*  Tuesday at 10:30

*  I dunno, when are you gonna have kids?

*  Ew!  Don't you know you have to have sex to get kids???

HTH!