Can I vent/get advice about my friend? (long)

PurpleK26

A little back story. Friend "A" and I go back about 10 years. We've worked together, lived together and had a fairly decent friendship. She's blown up on me a few times that has led to 1-3 month 'breaks' from our friendship. She was then diagnosed bi-polar and put on meds, and we've not had issues since.

She just found out and left the guy that she's been dating and living with for 8 years because he's been dating someone else for the past 2. This does not make me sad at all... I've never been able to stand the guy or how he treats her. "J" has been a decent dad to their 6 year old, but has always put his cars first, has tried to take DS to school still drunk after a night out at the bars etc. He's 35... time to grow up!  

One of J's friends has completely disowned him after the way he's been treating A. Friend "D" is a  great guy (he and I almost dated years ago), but maybe a little niave (sp). He's very religious, doesn't believe in pre-marital sex, living together etc.

A texts me the other night telling me that D has admitted a crush on her and has kissed her. She wants to know what to do. I told her that maybe she needs to take some time to be single and for crying out loud don't do anything until she and J's custody fight over DS is done with.

I'm not sure what to do here, because I really feel like she may end up totally crushing D. He's 35, has only seen the good fun parts of A, and seems to think she's a perfect woman. She's really not, though I love her to death. 

Do I just completely stay out of it, and if so, how, because she keeps asking for my advice. But, (from past experience) I know she only wants to hear what she wants to hear. 

Aside from all of this is her son. This has got to be stressful enough on him, why throw in a new person in mommy and daddy's lives at once. He knows D and loves him, but it's got to be weird and confusing for him if he suddenly sees his mommy with his daddy's (former) best friend! 

lovesinthehouse

I think it is ok for you to give advice to your friend, A, because she asks and confides in you. Even if she didn't specifically ask, you guys seem fairly close and I think it's ok to give your opinion, especially if you think she is not doing the right thing and may hurt herself or her son. However, I wouldn't get any more involved than that. Don't talk to the men. She has the right to make her own decisions. Be a good friend, but try not to get worked up over this emotionally. They're adults.

StephanieDeanne

Wow, quite the predicament she has put herself (and yourself in by asking for advice.)  As hard as it is, it is her choice to make whether she goes forward with D.  I would stay out of it and let her know that when she asks for advice, if she really pushes you, well then that's when I'd have a hard time keeping my real opinion to myself. 

With what I do for a career though, I only sense disaster if she moves forward with D without getting over the other stuff first. 

Good luck, sounds like you're going to need it.

aliinportland

I think the advice you gave was sound, and I wouldn't contribute any more than that.  It's tough when you know both parties.  Maybe the relationship would be good for her though if she can get herself to the point where she is ready.