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Parenting
I need your opinion on The Teen please. (This one is serious)
The Teen has successfully passed her drivers education.. ::sigh::
Her permit test is supposed to be tomorrow...
HERE is my dilemma...
The Teen as you all know, and are probably tired of knowing, is a PITA. I would love to say, you know what you turd, your not getting your permit until your 90, bite me. That would really chap her hide...
Buuuttttt....
I feel as though if I don't allow her to get her permit, I am not doing her or the rest of the world any justice because she will be that much less experienced on the road and may hurt herself, or someone else .
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need your opinion on The Teen please. (This one is serious)
I don't know. If she gets it in a year or two, it won't be that much worse.
My neighbors didn't "allow" their teen to get hers until she was 18, or was it 19?
I think maybe you can use this with your teen as a bargaining tool for her to stop sneaking around and sh*t and be more open with you.
F*ck I'm scared of this age. I was a nightmare!
How old is she?
What is to say she can't get that experience in a year or two?
I didn't have any urge to get my permit/license until I was 18. My parents weren't going to buy me a car (well, unless you count the 1964 Nova that, although it didn't run, had a very well preserved interior....that my father bought "me"! HA --- more like HIM!) Anyway -- sorry....my parents weren't going to buy me a car and I had to pay my own insurance. What was the point in having my license with no car? So when I was 18 and got a full time job, I got my license, got a brand new car and my own insurance policy. I don't think I'm any worse off for not getting my license when I was 18 versus 16.
Will she have a car available to her? insurance?
Maybe let her get the permit and let her earn time to drive. Either by good behavior, or having babysit for you?
Here in Ohio, teen drivers have to have a certain number of logged driving hours with their parents. Do you have something similar to that?
Well here's my thought. She can get her permit, because you need to be with her anyway right? This is just for the sake of teaching her to drive. That does not mean you need to let her get her license anytime soon.
I have a nephew who makes your teen look Mother Theresa if that makes you feel any better. He's AWFUL and if he were my child he would have more than likely been dead about a year and half ago. He has some good friends that have already done time. He's 17.
We were planning on buying her a car in 6 months, when she got her license and we planned on paying half of her insurance. But now, in lieu of all that has happened, the car is out. Unless she performs some sort of miracle in the next 6 months, I dont know...
She has to wait 6 months to get her license
No, I think you can wait a little and NOT buy her a car.
She is going to hate you, but thats ok.
How about she has 9 months to prove herself....she has to make a HUGE change in behavior/attitude everything. At that time you will reevaluate the permit/license thing.
Driving is a privelege, not a right. She needs to prove herself for this one, IMO. Good luck, momma.
Don't you need an adult to drive with a learner's permit anyway? I'd say go ahead and let her get the permit, but don't allow her to drive until she exhibits an appropriate level of maturity and responsibility.
FWIW, I didn't get my license until I was 19-20 or so, and I'm a good driver.
yep
If she has a permit doesn't she have to drive with you? I would allow her to get the permit so that she can practice under your supervision, but I would not let her get her license until her behavior majorly improves. I think you should set some very clear and distinct specifications as to what "majorly improved" means.
Good luck!
I would give her a 6 month window during which good behvaior is expected, then she can get the permit. And then expect another 6 months before you elt her get the real deal.
And then if you do provide a car, you can use that as a tool- car goes the second she messes up.
There is no law that says YOU have to let her get her permit right now. I would use it to your advantage.
I've told you my experience and how my mom was. She would probably sit me down and say, "Okay, you can have your permit if you tell me everything I want to know.", lol.
She gets it taken away if she's pulls another stunt. I think you said she has a job? When it's time, she should pay for her entire insurance. I had to. It taught me responsibility and that it was on me to keep my job to keep my car. If my grades dropped, I had to quit my job to be able to study more so I also lost the car because I could not pay for insurance. They didn't buy me a car either. I did.
And before she gets her license, she has to make some major changes. She has to talk to you and tell you what's going through her head. You do know, once she gets a car, things may get worse, right? This is why I say to use this permit to your advantage.
I would let her get her permit, but hold the car/license over her head. Come right out and say 'we were gonna get you a car in 6 months' but because of x, y, and z you're going to have to earn it back. And everytime she does something really bad, it gets longer and longer. 6 months because 8 months becomes 10 months, etc.
I feel as though if I don't allow her to get her permit, I am not doing her or the rest of the world any justice because she will be that much less experienced on the road and may hurt herself, or someone else .
This sounds like an excuse. Like you're trying to justify giving in and letting her do it. No, delaying the privilege of driving will not hurt her or others.
From what you've said on here, there is no way I'd let her. Nothing is going to change in her behavior until drastic measures are taken. What is better currency to a teenager than driving and a car? I'd use this for all I could. She has to prove she's ready for a permit, prove she's ready for a license, and then sometime in the next decade, she can prove she deserves a car. Stand your ground.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
Isn't teen life fun!!!???
Matts said it best. This is what we're dealing with with my SS. His attitude sucks - he thinks he can speak disrespectfully, ignore our house rules, etc..
He can't keep his room clean, do his homework on time, remember to pick up his bathroom before the cleaning lady comes. He took the permit test and passed but we're not taking him any time soon to get the actual permit ID. Nor will he be driving MY minivan any time soon. Nor will he be getting his own car any time soon. Sorry but driving is a priviledge - I'll be damned if we pay his insurance so he can get behind the wheel of a 2K pound vehicle, if he can't even deal with the basics. He's 15.5 and acts literally like a 7 year old most of the time.
Nope, your wrong. Not an excuse. A legitimate concern.
While experience is important, emotional maturity is far more important to her safety and the safety of other drivers on the road. She has plenty of time to get experience, especially since you're the one who controls when she actually gets her license and drives on her own.
Since the permit test is already scheduled, I would allow her to take it and if she passes, I would take physical possession of the permit (when I was 15 with a permit and needed to drive with an adult, I would do things like find 18 year old "adult" boys to let me drive their car - and I was actually pretty well behaved, so I'm sure this will occur to your DD!). Then I would go ahead and let her get in her practice hours with you, but set all kinds of ground rules up front, and if they're all met, then she can get her license in 9 months, but any violations increase the time until she can get her license. You have control over something she really wants - use it!!
One off topic piece of unsolicited advice - make sure she gets some experience driving in snow and ice this year so her first experience with it isn't next year when she's on her own! My dad was smart enough to do that with me, and I'm still grateful.
Maybe I'm confused--she took Driver's Ed without a permit? Don't they practice driving in Driver's Ed or is it different where you are (where I grew up if you took Driver's Ed you needed a permit, because you did 2 days/week in class and 1 day/week driving with an instructor)?
I think you should wait on the permit, simply because it doesn't matter how old you are when you get your permit/license--there's always going to be that initial period of inexperience.
This. I'm sorry but the girl can't be trusted and you want to buy her a car. Didn't she just come home drunk or was drunk??? I have a teenage DD myself and if she even thought about pulling the crap your DD has, the last thing on my mind would be letting her drive let alone buying her a car.
I don't know all the details about The Teen, but I likely would allow her to get the permit, with the stipulation that she will be doing her driving with you. Then, I would go out and drive with her as much as possible. This allows you to see how she handles the car and her level of awareness, etc., and it also gives you time to be with her, talk with her, etc. It's a win-win in terms of experience.
What I would absolutely not do it BUY her a car. I would tell her you are taking things slowly, and that she needs to exhibit responsibility and honesty. When she starts doing that, you will "think about" letting her buy her own car. Tell her to start babysitting, working here and there, and saving. If she works hard and you think she deserves it, then maybe reconsider and throw some money into it--but I generally think it is never a good idea to buy a 16 year old a car.
Teens who have to work for their cars, and the privilege of driving them, are generally much more responsible with them.
Good luck!