So sad...wont go to dad..help

butterfly0103

So my daughter (19 months) wont go to her dad. We both work and get home almost the same time, he a LITTLE later, but she has been this way forever! I get a stage thing but seriously since she could move she only wants to be around me...unless I am not around then he is good.

He stayed with her for the first year of her life because we didnt want her going to daycare but now she wants nothing to do with him...unless A.) I am not around or B.) I am holding her and he comes over. 

It makes me sad because I know he is so sad about it. He just wants a "Daddy's little girl". It also makes me sad because I think...what if she thinks I am ALWAYS ditching her and she needs to CLING (I get almost NOTHING done when I am home) to me at all times. 

 

Any help would be sooo great! UGH

 

SueandSteve

I could have written this post...word-for-word.  It is so sad and at the same time, so stressful because, as you said, you can get ZERO done when LO is home with you and awake.  I kept thinking it was a phase but it's been a phase for 2 years.  ! 

I have noticed that when DH takes DD out for some fun excursions by himself, she's seems more apt to hang with him when I'm home.  But that's not always the case either.  Just last night, I was making dinner and DH was helping to get DD's hands washed.  She FLIPPED out and was screaming, "Mommy do it!"  He calmly explains to her that sometimes mommy's busy but it just doesn't work.  He ends up feeling bad, I end up feeling bad...it sucks and I hear ya.

I guess some kiddos are just wired to be "mommy's girl" or "daddy's boy"?  I'd like to see others responses.

Oh and I'd also like to know if you perhaps carry most of the parenting physical responsibility (i.e. making dinner, bathtime, bed routine, teeth brushing, etc.)  I do it all for the most part and sometimes I think DH needs to take more initiative sort of so that she sees that DH is capable too, if YKWIM?  I dunno...

butterfly0103

Well I can say that I am lucky...he cooks and cleans...but when it comes to her I am primary. I have always been the one who woke up with her at night...I give her baths...I would feed her, dress her etc etc etc

 

I wondered if me being the only person who gets up with her was the issue...ugh...but how do we fix it!!! lol

SueandSteve

butterfly0103:

Well I can say that I am lucky...he cooks and cleans...but when it comes to her I am primary. I have always been the one who woke up with her at night...I give her baths...I would feed her, dress her etc etc etc

 

I wondered if me being the only person who gets up with her was the issue...ugh...but how do we fix it!!! lol

I'm in the same boat as you.  DH does a lot of the cleaning, does all laundry, trash, etc. so he's actually a big help around the house just not a hands-on, I'll-do-her-bath-and-read-her-some-books kind-of-guy.  If I ask, he'll do it but DD FLIPS out.  I end up trying to stay out of it and letting him deal but he ends up frustrated with her and she's hysterical crying.  UGH.  I think I've done it for so long that she knows no different way. 

Pesky

We have had a bit of this.  even now, mommy is still preferred but she is much better about getting things from daddy.  For a while I just made daddy the bringer of good things.  She wanted ice cream?  Ask Daddy.  She wanted to go outside?  Ask Daddy.  She wanted to get some milk?  Ask Daddy.  And when they hung out, I would disappear and not be heard from.  That helped a lot.  DH would give her a bath and put her to bed and I would be no where to be found or even heard from.  They went to the pool together without mommy.  That forced time together made things a bit better.  Although she has tagged DH as a sucker for ice cream...

queenbone

I am coming in late but we are having a bit of an issue with this too.  I am home with DS all day so we get it, but I think it is beginning to bother DH.  Especially because two of his best friends have the reverse problems, those boys favor their dads over their moms.  DH gets DS up in the morning and does the first diaper.  And then when he gets home he plays with him and does bathtime and bedtime routine.  So we have it set up so DS can get as much Daddy time as possible.  But now DS will cling to me when he hears DH come home and never wants him to hold him or take him away from me.  I'm not worried that DH is doing anything wrong, but I will be glad for DH's sake when this phase is over.