help me sort my way through step-parent adoption

J&A2008

I've got a step by step procedure for my state for step parent adoption.  BM suggested this and has said she will agree to terminate her parental rights.  She has the consent affidavit right now but she hasn't sent it back.  We all want her to still have contact with the boys.  I'd like to give BM some proof that we are going to provide her with opportunities to visit but spell out what the limitations are in hopes this will put her mind at ease and we can move forward.

Has anyone done an open adoption with visitation rights?  Can you tell me exactly what you and/or BM signed that stated the visitation rights?  Thanks!

Sally J

I don't have your situation exactly but I do have a VERY open adoption since my DD's birthmother is my sister.  We haven't set up any visitation rights because we aren't coparenting with my sister.   However, a step parent adoption is quite different. 

I would encourage you to speak with your DH about what you guys envision for visitation.  How often do you want to have it?  Would you rather it be spelled out specifically or done as requested?  What do you think is healthy for the boys?  What do you think would be hurtful for them (i.e. confusing)?  How do you want the visits done (over night, she comes to pick them up for the day, you drop them off, she comes to visit at your house)?  Do you want the option of changing your mind in the future?

I also recommend you find a lawyer that has some experience with this.  He/she can probably make sure everything is done correctly.  I'm wondering if the blended families board may have someone with experience with this?

J&A2008

Thanks, Sally.  I am on the BF board and there is one other woman going through a stepparent adoption, but they're not including visitation.

We know what we want to do.  I was hoping we could do this without a lawyer and just file everything on our own, which is why I was asking here for help.