Tell me if I'm just being irrational

rlkjos1005

We are moving into a house, from a townhouse, in two weeks.  My mother-in-law decides that she wants all new stuff and we "have" to take her old stuff when we move.  It is not like she is saying - you can have it if you want it, it is more like, when you move you will be taking this that and the other.  Well since it is my DH mother, I'm not allowed to say much, but pretty much we are taking it, everything, even if we don't want it.  And there are things DH has expressed he doesn't want, he just won't say no to her.

I'm just a little pissed because I know her, she is going to make it seem like she is doing us the biggest favor in the world since we did not have a lot of stuff to move into a bigger place, instead of us actually taking things that she just doesn't want anymore.  I was looking forward to slowly adding to our house and making it ours.

 I wasn't going to furnish every room all at once, but knowing her, she will be very offended when we get rid of her stuff later on!  UGH. If this was my mom, everything would be handled soooo differently.

Thanks for listening!

daisydana

You are not being irrational.  I would be the same exact way!  I would have to say something (nicely, of course) that there are things that you won't be using.  I would also do it before she goes out and buys new pieces.  

Think about down the road when she comes over and doesn't see the coffee table she can't imagine you wouldn't love.  Her feelings will be hurt more then than now.  I know it's hard, but IMO, you have to if you can't convince DH to.

 

BrideBuddies

He just won't say no to her.

Root of the problem right there.  It's not a MIL issue, it's a husband issue.  He needs to step up and be the man of your family.

GL

pinkysun

If it were me, I would tell DH, "look, I don't want this stuff.  Tell your mom thanks but no thanks."  And I would explain to him that you want to build your own collection of junk and not take hers!

Peppernut

Arr, how frustrating.  As awful as it is, your husband really should take care of this.

KirstieC

You are definitely NOT being irrational. Although your MIL may have the best intentions at heart, at least I hope so, in helping you by furnishing your house she needs to understand that it is your home and you want to furnish it the way you want to. Let's face it, when people walk into your home and see the decor, it is a reflection of the wife's taste. And, your right... Hubby needs to learn how to say no to mom.

Maybe it's possible to work with some of the furniture she's giving you, like reupholstering or repainting? You could always try to sell it on Ebay or CraigsList and use that money towards furniture that fits your taste.

Good luck with everything!

maryenap

it's your home you get to chose what goes in it.  Talk to DH about what you really want; maybe there is a piece or two you could use, but only if it's what you want.  And now's the perfect time, they can blame your preg. hormones if you come off as bitchy.  carpe diem

UTKD

Maybe you can take a few pieces, just to make her happy, and tell MIL that she could donate the rest to charity and get a great tax write-off?  Will she take that bait? 

My DH can't really say "no" to his mom either.   

livvielo

Nope, you're not being irrational. As others have said, it's your house and you should get to decorate it as you want to. (This hits a nerve with me because my MIL is the same way--doesn't ask if you want something, just says, here this is what you'll use. She's doing that with tons of hand-me-down baby stuff and it's driving me insane.)

debbadebbadoo711

You do not have to take the stuff!  Thank her politely (and have your husband back you up) and decline.  How about donating the old stuff to charity?  If she really wants to help you out, she can sell the old stuff and share the proceeds with you so you can get new stuff that will work better for you.

ladyphoto

Wow.  I had a similiar situation in my first marriage.  Unfortunately, my ex never did learn how to say no to Mommy and it became a bigger and bigger problem.  (not that that would happen to you) but I would be very firm with DH and get him to accept one or two peices and gently decline the rest and tell her you and he are looking forward to adding one peice at a time on your own- and that is something you want to do as a couple.  That will also draw an important boundary line for MIL.  MILs all need good strong boundaries.  (I don't sound too burned do I? lol)

Rebecca