getting antsy (sorta long)...

pbhennessy

Good morning all!

First off, just wanted to thank you for all your beautiful posts yesterday, 10/15.  I feel bad because I slept all day and worked all last night (and it was crazy busy!) so I sort of missed it all.  All of you were in my thoughts.

Well, my test day (10/21) is slowly/quickly approaching, depending on my mood... and I'm getting antsy.  I had a day 23 progesterone test the other day and it came back pretty high- 45.15ng/mL.  I go from being excited to terrified knowing this info.  I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm almost scared of being PG again, if that is the case this time.  Now that I'm all too knowledgeable about what can go wrong, I am so worried that it will happen again.  I feel like I'd almost rather get a BFN than get a BFP and get my heart broken with another m/c.

I know I'm getting ahead of myself... I do still have 5 days til testing, and I'm doing my damndest to wait until then.  In the meantime though, I thought I'd share my OCD-ness with the people who I know would understand.  

cintim

Good morning.

Those emotions are pretty normal. Losses totally throw our world out of wack. It's unfortunate that we can't go back to being carefree and happy like we were before our loss.

I wish you the patience to hold off until testing and baby dust to get your bfp. Try to think of it like this: you're desire to have a baby is stronger than your fear of another miscarriage.

Good luck!

pbhennessy

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement.  BTW, your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!