Something I don't understand

Heather1979

(about me).

The longer LO is in the NICU, the better she has been doing. She's made incredible progress, and I know that with each day she's there, she's closer and closer to coming home and all. I also know that she's better off there if there's even a question about her health and well being, but why is it getting so much harder and harder to leave at night?

I'm at a point where I barely make it out of the hospital without bawling hysterically when we go home at night.

lemen99

aw I felt that way too.  I think it was because as he got closer to coming home and close to his due date, he was looking/acting/interacting more like a "normal" baby.  Esp once he passed his due date, I felt like I was missing out, and I felt like he was missing out by laying in a hospital bed.

Mommy2Gav

For me, with each day that passed I felt more and more like his mom. At first, I KNEW he was getting care I couldn't provide but eventually I felt we were ready to do it on our own. So that made if harder to leave without him each day.

beachykeen1723

I am the same way- there are some days where every fiber in my body wants to rip him out of that bed and run away- no matter how much my head knows that he needs to be there, my heart cannot understand that it is for his best.

Some of what you are dealing with may also be ppd or just baby blues, so I would consider talking to your doctor, or even one of Olivia's nurses about it- they have seen tons of mommys cry, and can give you great perspective.

ijack

lemen99:

aw I felt that way too.  I think it was because as he got closer to coming home and close to his due date, he was looking/acting/interacting more like a "normal" baby.  

 this. When she was first born it was obvious that I wasn't able to care for her but as she got older she didn't seem sick and I knew that she would be okay at home. Hugs, it's hard but soon it will be over  

ToledoDeux

The nurses told me that they always see that with parents - the better the baby gets, the harder it is for the parents.  Seems paradoxical, but it was true for me as well.  When they're admitted and sick, you can completely rationalize why your baby is not home with you - after all, they need extra care that you can't give.  But as they get better and seem more and more like a "normal" baby, it begins to seem insane that your baby is being kept from you.  I know I have cried a LOT over the past six weeks.

It does truly suck, but this awful part will be over before you know it. 

 

BitterOldHag

ijack:

lemen99:

aw I felt that way too.  I think it was because as he got closer to coming home and close to his due date, he was looking/acting/interacting more like a "normal" baby.  

 this. When she was first born it was obvious that I wasn't able to care for her but as she got older she didn't seem sick and I knew that she would be okay at home. Hugs, it's hard but soon it will be over  

THIS.  I also made what I feel may have been a big mistake during J's NICU time. On Father's Day we brough S with us to see his brother and take some family photos.  Leaving that day with one baby and having to leave J behind in the NICU for 2 more weeks completely broke me even though I knew he couldn't come home yet.  Every visit after that, it got harder to leave. And now I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

TriciaJoy

ditto everyone else. I definitely felt the same way. At first, I knew he NEEDED those nurses and doctors. He was absolutely in the best place possible. And "home" seemed like this far off notion, sort of surreal. I was much more focused on keeping him alive than taking him home.

But then time went on and he got more stable. I got more comfortable with parenting him and started to realize he NEEDED me. And home started to seem like something that really could happen, and really would be good and would be amazing.. and my attention wasn't taken up every.single.second with making sure he was breathing etc.

You get that taste of what it could be like and you want it!

 

clyoungsey

Yep. I so agree with everyone.  At first he was so fragile, eventually he became much more "normal" babylike and it was much harder to see him there!