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Attachment Parenting
What signs are/did you teach your LO?
I am trying to narrow it down to a few signs. Any suggestions? What signs does your LO use a lot? I'm really new to this but i think it's a good idea and would like to try it. I would also appreciate any tips you have based on your experience.
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Re: What signs are/did you teach your LO?
The signs we introduced first and they used most often (and still use most often today): more, all done, food, drink
Additional signs we've taught them: help, book (for read book), milk, please, thank you
Sometimes they use the sign for food or more to mean I want. They also shake their heads yes and no, and point to things to communicate their needs. My DD has done better than my DS with sign language, but my DS seems to be more verbal so he is still able to communicate his needs pretty well.
I am anti-signing. And I know I am in the minority. I will spare you my explanation, as I realize you are wanting to sign with your LO. Here is what I can add that will hopefully help you.
I would be hesitant to teach abstract signs (more, thank you, please, etc.) for a number of reasons. "More" can often become over generalized and your child will use it for everything...and not necessarily for what (s)he wants more of. DC will just sign an abstract "more" when s/he wants something. How is that any better than pointing and grunting, for example? I don't see how this sign is any more effective than the communicative behavior (pointing, fussing, reaching, looking, grunting, heaven forbid crying) that the child would develop on his/her own.
Although I am a strong advocate of modeling a verbal "please" and "thank you" during a social communicative exchange, I feel that a LO signing those words is useless and pointless. 1) Developmentally, babies don't understand the social implication of please and thank you, nor should a 0-2 year old be expected to use these social terms, IMO. They are self-absorbed and self-centric by design. They are supposed to be this way at this age. It is silly to try to change that. 2) It doesn't really solve the problem that most signing families report - that signing helped DC express himself or relieved family frustration - a young child will never be relieved that someone FINALLY understood that they were saying please or thank you. Come on.
So my advice would be to teach concrete labels - milk, banana, outside, stroller, sleep, ball, crackers, cat, etc. Things that are black and white. Names of objects that are important to the child and desired by the child.
The other wants/needs of a typically developing child (such as more or done) can be easily determined by paying attention to other non-verbal signals...pushing away a spoon, turning his/her head, pulling away, throwing food on the floor, reaching, leaning towards a desired item, pointing, looking, etc. Follow these cues in these situations until speech is developed. At that point, I think it is reasonable to require talking (such as saying "all done") instead of throwing food. But until they are able to talk, they are communicating CLEARLY with non-verbal cues. Why are we extinguishing their self-generated expression and requiring them to use a non-verbal sign of our choice? Weird.
Humans innately develop an effective means of communication without us teaching them to sign. I wish people would be more willing to tune into these natural expressions and respond appropriately instead of requiring random, new, trendy "behaviors" to meet their children's needs.
Good luck. And if it matters to you at all, I am a speech pathologist. Thus, this is my field of study and passion.
We taught whatever we felt was most relevant at the time. One of our first signs was "milk" which we used for nurse, because I wanted an established, but less offensive way for DD to tell me she wanted to nurse (MIL kept telling stories of DH lifting her shirt in the grocery store). . .
I think we followed it with stuff like "ball," "book," "eat," "hungry," "sleep;" just words/activities we used on a daily basis. If I found myself saying it a lot or thought it was something DD was trying to communicate, I looked up the sign. We only taught one or two signs at a time until DD picked up on a new sign and allowed her to modify signs to her ability.
I agree to some degree with the pp, though; still be aware of your LO's cues. Signs can be abstract and easy to misunderstand/misuse by both you and LO. DD would sometimes get signs confused or misunderstand the meaning of some of the more abstract signs we tried, so we dropped them. BUT, signing was and still is helpful in clarifying what she wants sometimes and I do think it helped us recognize that she had her own needs, wants, and desires, even at a young age.
Eat, milk, book, mommy, daddy, help, sleep, happy, sad, up, down, more. . .we'll do more as he gets older too.
ETA: We are not just teaching him to sign because we want him to be able to communicate in order to modify his behaviour. I want him to understand that symbols mean something, and also believe that this forges new connections in his brain which will better wire him for understanding language (ECE + Psychology major).
100% agreed. I just feel that there are naturally developed symbols - waving, clapping, pointing, smiling, turning away, etc.- that do the same thing. But that is the best pro-signing explanation I have heard of this board - you should keep spreading that!
Signing was great for us! Will not hesitate to do it again with DC #2 if s/he ever comes along.
We did milk, book, more, water, eat, potty.... "More" did become more than more. (Does that make sense? lol!) But that was ok. It meant 'yes' and 'I like that'... anything positive. But it didn't screw her up or anything.
As for her speaking ability now, if that concerns anyone and they're curious about anecdotal 'evidence'. She's off the charts. At 1 year she had a normal amount of words - just 3. But that soon skyrocketed. Since about 17 months she's actually freaked people out. She had a few hundred words by that point. We stopped counting at 600 about 7 months ago. She's got well over a thousand now. Up to 2000, I guess. With perfect grammar, several verb tenses. Proper use of articles, gerunds, infinitives... It's fun. Poor DH, though. "Her English is better than mine." Although he has nothing to feel bad about. He speaks 5 languages and 20+ dialects.
I think the signing helped and not hindered.
Thanks haha I think he is cute too but of course I'm bias :-)
Thanks ladies for your input. I had never heard of signing until one of our NICU nurses told me about it. I am mostly interested because my MIL watches him (2x a week) while I am at work and she doesn't understand his cues now. I think it would help. I also never heard of APing until this board...I think I'm more AP and my MIL is very anti-AP and I'm just hoping that if he can clearly sign then maybe MIL can understand that it will help keep her from CIO with him
I won't bore you with the details of that drama :-)
I also asked because I don't want to put signs on abstract things but I'm not sure how to make the association to concrete things. For example he gets pumped milk via bottles during the day and nurses with me during the weekend and evenings- so if I use "milk" I don't want him to assoicate "milk" with a bottle and nursing. Maybe I'm making too complicated!
Side note: He is a preemie and is already ?delayed? 2 months so I wanted to hear your experiences because I don?t want to make things harder for him. I?ve heard conflicting information from his PT and OT specialists.
If you teach him "milk" he will just use it when he is hungry. If he takes both a bottle and breast without any problems, I don't think he will get annoyed when he doesn't get a specific modality. He will just learn to sign "milk" when he feels hungry and then that feeling of hunger will go away, therefore using the sign "milk" gets greatly reinforced. He is no longer hungry. I am not sure I am making sense. Is this answering your question?
Lastly, I want to add that I didn't pay attention to your ticker. I am going go go back on my anti-signing statement and say that I do think signing has a place when a child is showing delays. However, if there are motor delays, he may take longer to be able to sign because of the motor component.
Good luck!
I started signing with my daughter at around 12 mos. ?I simply got a book out of the library to teach myself a few signs. ?She picked up on it really fast and it was so exhilarating the first time she signed all done instead of just whining or throwing her food on the floor. I am completely convinced that because of the signing, we had less behavioral issues because she was able to communicate long before she could speak. ?It did not delay her speech at all, in fact she would sign when I couldn't understand the word she was trying to say. We started watching the show Signing Time when she was 18 mos old and that really helped me to learn and she loved the show. ?It is no longer on tv, but we get the DVDs from the library. ?Check out www.signingtime.com.?
I started out just wanting to teach her about 6 signs and it really grew into a lot more which was fun more than it was work. ?She still signs once in a while even though she speaks in full sentences now, I don't discourage it and she is even signing the alphabet! She taught herself from watching the ABC signs Signing Time episode, she loves the songs in the show.?
Rachel, the creator of Signing Time, says that if every child could learn just 2 signs - play and friend - it would really reach out to those children who are hearing impaired and not make them feel so excluded.?
I can't wait for my daughter to sign with our new baby! It is truly another language and I feel is as beneficial as teaching your child to learn Spanish as a second language. To the previous poster who is anti-signing - how could it possibly be detrimental to teach your child a second language?!
Good luck! ?
I'm glad you mention this because part of the reason we introduced sign language to my DD is because of speech delays. We were all frustrated because she cried/screamed/yelled/whined/pointed for everything and we had no idea what she wanted. She would get so frustrated with our guessing game that she would go straight to a tantrum.
Giving her a few signs to communicate has been the best thing for us. We have noticed that she modifies the signs to do what works for her, and we go with whatever sign she wants. For example she puts both arms in the air and points to the sky for 'help', which is very different than the ASL help sign we showed her. I have noticed that signing seems to be helping her understand the connection that it's important to use some kind of communication to get what she needs/wants, instead of just throwing a tantrum.
My DS uses only a couple of signs, but really tries to say the words. It's pretty easy just to follow his cues and personal 'signs' for what he needs/wants. An example of this is instead of signing all done, he will push his plate away and grunt at us to take it. If he's thirsty or wants to nurse he will come sit on my lap and find my bra strap (not going under my shirt, more pointing to that spot on my shirt). I can ask him if he wants to nurse and he will lay back or I ask if he's thirsty and he will get off my lap and go point to the fridge (where we keep milk, water, juice).
In my mind whether I give my children signs to help communicate or if they develop them on their own, it's still reinforcing communication and it helps relieve the frustration with communication. I also think it helps make the connection that language/communication is important.
Also, I should mention to the OP, my DD didn't sign more until she was 9 months old and my DS didn't do it until 12 months, even though we introduced it before then. Your LO may be too young to teach signs to, but that doesn't mean your LO doesn't already sign for things.
You said your MIL doesn't recognize cues, but it sounds like you do. Those cues are a form of sign language so maybe just reinforce those cues and communicate to your MIL about them.
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i don't think it is detrimental at all and I never said that.
I think teaching a child a second language from birth is great. I am all for bilingualism. But in most cases of families that sign with their children, they only use a few words in a few situations and stop using it once the child is verbal. That is not really teaching a child a second language. AND as discussed above, the signs that these children produce are often altered/modified based on the child's motor skills. So, whereas mom, dad, and granny may know the child's sign for X, a hearing impaired individual who communicates with ASL may not be able to understand the child's modified sign. Thus, this "second language" looses it's effectiveness in real life. Just my thoughts and opinions.
sorry I'm still new to this...i don't know how to copy what someone else said..anyways in response to this:
"You said your MIL doesn't recognize cues, but it sounds like you do. Those cues are a form of sign language so maybe just reinforce those cues and communicate to your MIL about them."
My MIL always thinks he is hungry or he is just spoiled. She is upset that I will rock him to sleep or pat his back until he falls asleep versus simply placing him in the crib. He just needs a little help getting to sleep. Anyways whenever he starts acting fussy and he has recently eaten- she immediately says "he's so spoiled". Instead of reading his body language to realize that he is tired, needs to be burped some more or bored and needs a new position ( he does not roll over on his own) etc .
For example, she called yesterday to say that he had cried himself to sleep. She said she fed him and then he was fussy so she just let him cry it out. I told her it was around 10am so he was probably tired and just needed some help dozing off. She said "no, he wasn't tired. He was just being difficult because you've spoiled him"
I guess I'm just hoping that if he is able to sign in the future that she'll believe it then because apparently I don't know how to read my son.
Anyways, thanks again! I really appreciate all the input. sorry for rambling. I will try to introduce a few signs and then see how it goes. I don't expect to respond right away. We have an appointment with a developmental specialist but it is not until MARCH 1st.
Just hit the quote button under the person's post that you want to quote.
To be perfectly honest and direct, my MIL would not watch my children if this was her behavior. The way I see it is that any caretaker of my children needs to respect my parenting decisions and allowing my child to CIO (especially at such a young age) or dismissing their needs as 'just a spoiled baby' is completely unacceptable.
I encourage you to have a heart to heart with your MIL and be firm what is acceptable and not acceptable. Also figure out what your options might be to find alternative child care if you think you need/want to go that route.
I completely agree with this. You might not have other options re: childcare, but if it were me, I would seriously reconsider this situation. Your child's caretaker should do what you ask. Your baby is so young, there is no way you can spoil him (and seriously - look at his precious little face - how could you NOT spoil him!).
We really don't have other options.I have to work and I really don't want to do daycare as he has immune system issues. My mom has him the rest of the work week so I really enjoy when my mom can watch him. I do need to have a heart to heart. I have been gathering resources because MIL only believes stuff from the experts.
I've been lurking here for a little while before i posted. 
She was not used to BFing ( she couldn't understand why I didn't just quit when I went back to work and was SHOCKED when she found out that I supply pumped milk to a friend who has supply issues) but she has come around on that so there is hope.
Thanks again.
We taught Madelyn more, eat, all done, drink, juice, milk, water, please, thank you, book, ball, friend, play, cereal, baby, bath, blanket, mommy, daddy, cheese, grapes, oranges, apple, hat and sleep. I feel like there's a few more but I'm forgetting what they are.
We made sure we used the ASL signs for everything. We also did the sign up by our mouth and made sure we said the word every time we signed it. We didn't want her to always rely on the sign. Now, at 2 years old she has the vocabulary of a 3 year old. MIL was very adamant against us signing with her and told us it would hinder her speech. It absolutely didn't.