When discipline doesn?t work?

reynah

My 3 ? year old is constantly battling me. It?s starting to be the entire time he is awake that he is just absolutely terrible. He is very intense even when we are out somewhere, and we are starting to think we can?t go anywhere anymore b/c he is so bad when we do.

 

I have tried everything. Putting him in time out, putting his favorite toys in time out, giving him options on what will happen if he continues acting the same (bad), spanking him. NOTHING is working. Not even us spanking him. Please don?t flame me for spanking, you have not been in my shoes.

 

Anyway, I am out of options on what to do. I am currently reading The Strong Willed Child. I?m not finished yet, but I think it?s saying we should give options?.. which we have tried and does not work.

 

Am I the only one that has such a strong willed child? I am not talking slightly, he is intense! So bad, that I am starting to wonder if we need to go see someone.

femmegem

Have you tried a reward chart so you can start reinforcing his positive behavior? That's what I would do- big surprise. Heh.

katie277s

I have no advice, but ((((hugs)))).  You sound like you are at your wits end.  It may not be a bad idea to take him to someone, just to see if there is something bigger going on. 

kittycarr

You most certainly are not alone.  Brooke is crazy.  Plain and simple.  That broad is crazy.  She was 3 in August.  The only thing I can do at this point, I feel, is to pray hard it's a phase that passes quickly.

goodheartedmommy

IMO you're not going to just have immediate results. That's what we all want, but it's not going to happen. I have 2 very strong willed children--and they're always butting heads with their strong willed mother   I really see a difference in Ethan lately, though. It's very important to me to teach them to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do--not just because they're afraid of the consequences. There are definitely consequences for their actions, but I try to stick with logical consequences. Anyway, in the last month or so, I've seen such a huge difference in Ethan, who is also 3.5. I'm staying consistent, and it's paying off.

neesernicole

I don't have 2 yet but I remember when I was little I loved the one on one time - a special outing/date. It gave me something to look forward to (and something that could be taken away as well) but it gave me a chance to exhibit good behavior.

reynah

goodheartedmommy:

IMO you're not going to just have immediate results. That's what we all want, but it's not going to happen. I have 2 very strong willed children--and they're always butting heads with their strong willed mother   I really see a difference in Ethan lately, though. It's very important to me to teach them to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do--not just because they're afraid of the consequences. There are definitely consequences for their actions, but I try to stick with logical consequences. Anyway, in the last month or so, I've seen such a huge difference in Ethan, who is also 3.5. I'm staying consistent, and it's paying off.

This may sound stupid, but how are you teaching him to do the right thing? Do you just sit down and talk to him everytime he does something he shouldn't? I would be sitting down the entire day. No exaggeration. But if it worked, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I've been praying that I can figure out something, b/c I am really getting concerned. I can't leave him and ds2 in the same room w/o supervision b/c my ds1 will hurt him. It's insane.

reynah

femmegem:

Have you tried a reward chart so you can start reinforcing his positive behavior? That's what I would do- big surprise. Heh.

Can you tell me more? Like a big bulletin with stickers or something?

femmegem

Here's an example of one I made for Alex:

I just use a piece of construction paper, draw a grid, and put smiley faces every now and again. On this one I put one at the end of each row, but other times I'll do less of them. It all depends on how often you want to reward him.

Focus on one or two specific behaviors you're wanting to work on. For this latest chart, I was focusing on good listening. So every time I asked DS to do something, he had the opportunity to earn stickers. If I asked him once and he did it, he earned 3 stickers. If I asked him twice, he earned two. If I had to ask him three times, he would earn one, and if I had to ask him more than that he earned none.

I let Alex decide what his reward would be each time he got to a smiley face, but I would typically suggest things like a trip to a favorite playground, a canister of Play-Doh, watching a favorite DVD, etc. It doesn't have to be something you buy him. It can be quality time together, too.

I hope that helps. As I'm always saying, I find that reward charts help me focus on what DS is doing right instead of constantly harping on him for what he's doing wrong. It completely changes the dynamic of our relationship when I use them. GL!

shouldbworkin

My DS was the same way and I read the same book.  Check out Love and Logic for the Early Years.  It took awhile, but it really helped my DS.  He was defiant and head strong b/c he wanted to feel in control.  This helped him feel in control, while getting me the result I needed.  He had lots of choices through out the day (usually 2 things that I wanted him to do) and when I needed to make a choice for him, I'd remind him that he got to chose all the time.  He went for it!  Instead of engaging in a battle of the wills to stay in time out, he was just taken to his room and told he could come out when he was ready to be sweet.  99% of the time he came downstairs when he was ready and had a complete attitude adjustment. 

Now that he's a little older, we're working on positive reinforcement for things like listening, playing nicely and doing some chores.  He gets a star for the day if he earns two out of three stars.  When he fills up the whole chart (on line for each day of the week) he can visit the treasure chest that is filled with some candy, stickers, cars, tatoos, etc. and pick one item.  He's pretty excited to get stars and visit the treasure chest and this usually motivates him to behave nicely.

We also use logical consequences.  And I try to let him learn lessons on his own vs. telling him not to do something b/c it will lead to xyz (unless someone will get hurt or he'll break something expensive).  A lot of it is the age.  Three was hard for us, but at 4 he is much more reasonable and motivated by positive reinforcement.